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Old 05-18-14   #1
Sik Simon
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SikSimonisms

1. One doesn't eat an entire spaghetti dinner and have room for dessert, this is why they have mints

2. If you find yourself sick from eating wild berries, your doing it wrong

3. If you feed an alligator it may confuse your hand for a steak, so don't fuck with alligators

4. If you owe someone money and you pay them in change, it should be at least half silver coins, if you pay someone back entirely with pennies, you're a dick.

5. If you feed seagulls fast food and then they Shit on your friend, he gets to punch you in the face.

6. If you go to a buffet and you aren't very hungry, order a water and just drink soy sauce packets

7. Wipe your hands with napkins after meals and save all your wetnaps, they are wonderful for wiping your butt with, trust me you'll never use toilet paper again.

8. Don't fuck with bears

9. Never assume a bear is hibernating just because his eyes are closed.

10. If you fall in a deep hole, don't call for help, as it may attract bears

11. Always wear a pilgrim's hat so you don't get mistaken for an Indian

12. If you don't want to look like a pussy but someone dares you to do something crazy, just tell him you have diabetes. Nobody hates on a diabetic.

13. If you look at the sun for too long, stare at a piece of ice to fix your vision

14. If your friend wants to blindfold you and lead you somewhere, be sure not to get led into a bear cave, signs of being in a bear cave are tunnels, smell of bat feces, and it echoes when you sing in the air tonight.

15. Avoid caves in general, unless accompanied by an expert bear hunter
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Old 05-18-14   #2
Sik Simon
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These koolaid flavors taste like Shit, in order of their shittiness

1 green apple
2 watermelon
3 mango

Mix black cherry with strawberry to make blackstrawcherry

Also sprinkle jello mix over ice cream and it will turn to like this gooey awesome
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