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Old 03-14-10   #581
dark_duqualle
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well. i guess my hopes of fixing things with my ex are gone. she is having a baby to another man.... great. this should just about confuse the pisss out of my son. at least hell have a sibling to play with but the other man raising him realy pissess me off. i feel the urge to pt that dumb fuckstick till he throws up his fucking testicles and dies......

other than that i am excelling in my training. tonight have a classroom training event and then a operational test. see ya'll later
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Old 03-18-10   #582
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have a bad infection going on... been real sick. my medicine fucks me up so bad i cant remember if im breathing, and i wake up in sweat and drool. just about the grossest fucking thing ever..... lol....
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Old 04-07-10   #583
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im better now, physicaly. emotionaly im a little lost as usual, but i feel something more at the root of it all..... 35 more days and ill be home..... i hope i made the right choice
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Old 05-02-10   #584
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wow, 9 days left. im so exited. i dont know what to expect, i have this idea that the world left me behind. in a way it did, but realy its normal as ever. the only thing different is that now the little things i used to hear about are effecting me a little more personally. relationship issue's. its all a big pile of bullshit realy, but ill deal with it best i can..
i love you... you know who you are......
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Old 05-10-10   #585
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i got the chance to see my son for the first time in forever and he was walking. too bad it was over the internet. i wish i could have held him in my arms and hugged him till he cried to let him go. i miss him so much. being here made me apreciate all the things in my life that i took for granted. i am sorry to say there are some people i will end up hurting to make my life with my son become a reality for me, but i must do what i must. a soldier is true to his people. i will hold true to my code, my oath of honor as i have promised to do.
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Old 12-05-10   #586
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ona level ive never been before...
i feel this overwhelming hostility in me building up. welling inside me. acking to release on anyone or anything. i dont know what it is entirely yet...
at this point i have basicaly abandoned my son. i hold no honor to any man or higher power.
i think ive opened up to this sham existence i have been cooking mysself into, hoping to find a way to co-exist in... but its not working and i dont think i can do this much longer...
i have long periods of sleeplessness withought tireing, awake and something short of content.
i feel alone even in a crowd of peers or supbordinates.
i have no son, i have no father... and the woman i love, i dont feel anything for.
i am trapped in this shell of a man and i cant seem to find the exit or the key to open the next door.
the pages of the overlapping chapters of shit and disgustingness of a life seem glued together and i have no hope for the future.
depression doesnt seem to fit into my concept for this emotionless feeling.

im scared of.... me... ....
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Old 12-05-10   #587
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p.s.

what ever happens, i would like someone to tell my son i love him, when he's old enough to understand what happened, if anything at all...

hope for the best as usual and hang in thier like a tough soldier... but i have to tell you dark forum.... feeling nothing hurts more than feeling anything.

perhaps a drink to a decade..... "in memory of a boy who turned into nothing and no longer aspires to please anyone or himself, not that he ever could, really..."































fuck it.
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Old 12-05-10   #588
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dark_duqualle View Post
ona level ive never been before...
i feel this overwhelming hostility in me building up. welling inside me. acking to release on anyone or anything. i dont know what it is entirely yet...
Yeah, that sounds like the Army.
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