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Old 02-19-08   #1
Quixotic Rose
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so very confused

Ok maybe you guys could give me some insight on this. As most of you know.. I found out Thursday the 7th that my husband wants a divorce. We have since talked everything out and I now know for sure it is over. In a way I really got the closure that I needed. It still hurts but I can take it now. Well, he has obviously moved on... and we are continuing to be friends like we used to be. It is actually working suprisingly.

Well, my friend Chris that I have known since 2003 admitted to me on Saturday that he has liked me since then. We did try to be together a couple years ago but I was underage and my father threatened him lol. But now, he has asked me out on a date for Friday. I have explained to him that I am getting out of a really bad relationship and that I need time to become independent first before I can be serious again. I need to focus on getting a job so I can go to college. He knows what I have been through with Keith and that I need time but he is still coming on real strong. I DO have feelings for him but now that I am just getting out of this relationship I am confused and know that if I jump into this too fast I will sabatoge (sorry cant spell it) it and hurt him. And honestly, he is really sweet and I know that when and if I am ready he will treat me so great but until then ... how am I supposed to go about this?

I guess what I am asking is what is your guys' opinions. It would really be helpful to have some outside feedback.
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Old 02-19-08   #2
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Also, I really don't care what other people think but I am worried about being looked at as a whore because I am going right out of this relationship and spending time with a guy in more than just "friends" status. But I love spending time with him because I can be myself and he accepts it. I have a bad history of changing myself for the person I am with to make them happy. I dont have to do that when I am with him.
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Old 02-19-08   #3
Legolas
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Send him this post.... it's well said
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Old 02-19-08   #4
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he doesnt have internet but I can talk to him about it. I have told him about this and have been very honest about it. but still I think he is really putting his whole heart into it already because he has liked me for SO LONG. And also I was wanting to know what you guys think about me starting something with someone so early in the break-up process...
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Old 02-19-08   #5
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Bad news to jump into it so quickly... not about becoming a whore, but because you aren't over Keith yet, so you'll constantly compare the new guy to him, and that's not fair to Chris.
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Old 02-19-08   #6
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well, i think you're right to be cautious. don't get into anything serious until you've had some time alone.

however, if you're capable of taking it easy with him, and you can make him understand that's how it is, for now - i say go for it. you need to be around people you can trust, etc.

unfortunately, it sounds unlikely that he will be able to keep it under control.
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Old 02-19-08   #7
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just explain that having had several years devoted to a serious relationship you need time to re figure out your needs as an individual person before going to couple status again...

if he can't understand that, than i'd suggest you give him the "let's just be friends" line, until you have yourself ironed out in your new status as single, how would you be able to iron out the going feelings of one man, the incoming requirements of another man and your own feelings as an individual who's just had a major shift in their life?

divide and conquer, establishing your own kingdom, then you can enjoy the spoils of war in unity with another.
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Old 02-19-08   #8
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oh, and it's not easy bouncing back single, so keep up the quest for advice, it helps and remember, the only one that can tell you to do anything now, is you!
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Old 02-19-08   #9
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Ask him if he wants to be a rebound boyfriend, or a long-term boyfriend. If it's the latter, he needs to cool it for a while and give you time.

Ooo, I had the same thing happen when I got divorced from my first husband. Two of my very good friends who were guys, and whom I had known before even meeting first husband, started coming on to me. It was a HUGE DRAG. One of them suddenly kissed me and I slapped him as a reflex and that friendship was never the same.

Tell him he just has to wait a little longer!
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Old 02-19-08   #10
heartsicle
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yeah the same thing happened to me, but unfortunately i was not so smart. after my divorce, i jumped into something with a "friend" who had liked me a long time, and ended up ruining it...

still wondering what would've happened IF..... I don't recommend it.
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Old 02-19-08   #11
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Yes, if he really likes you. he'llwait for you to get your life back together..
If he isn't willing to wait, then he just wants some action..

Most rebound relationships never work out long term..
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