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Old 08-05-07   #1
InKY
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Lonely

I'm single and not close (graphically or emotionally) to my family. I converse with a few people at work & church (all middle-aged w/families) and I have one friend I see 3 or 4 times per year b/c she's so busy w/her massive family, but I have NO ONE to do stuff with or talk to. I usually consider my solitude a gift b/c it gives me time to be creative, but a lot of time I'm embarrassed to be seen in public b/c it's so wierd for a lady to be out doing things alone. I'm pretty down about it right now.
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Old 08-05-07   #2
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I don't think it's weird at all...I remember years back I had been in a long term relationship (wound up being over 8 years) and at one point we were separated because he decided to move to Arizona for a while, so I had to get used to doing things alone. For me, that was hard because I had get used to doing that. I had been really alone for a lot of my life and was sort of clingy so I wanted to relearn how to be by myself and I went out of my way to go out to eat and stuff alone. At least now I know that if I'm put in a position where I am alone for any length of time it might not be fun all the time but I'll survive it just well. I now enjoy my alone time.

One thing from chatting and posting with you on here that I have noticed is that I think you have a very independent spirit that's SO admirable, esp. when so many women these days are so dependent on having to have a relationship to define them. If anyone thinks you are a weirdo for going out in public alone, they should get bent. People are far too hung up these days on antiquated ideas about how things are "supposed to be".

Are you looking for a relationship, or just for some new friends, or...?
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Last edited by ~G~; 08-05-07 at 20:23. Reason: clarification
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Old 08-05-07   #3
InKY
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Just friends. I've got time and a reasonable amount of money, but I don't do the things I want to do (concerts, art openings, seasonal festival, even shopping in small stores) b/c the experiences are so awkward. I'm becoming paranoid around my work & church friends too b/c when they ask, "So, what are you doing this weekend?," I think I can only say "Oh, just cleaning the house and taking it easy" so many times before they realize I never "do anything this weekend" and think there's something wrong with me.
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Old 08-05-07   #4
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are there no people around your age where you live that might want to hang out and do stuff? or is your area so religious that they would think it 'wrong' for you to be with someone and not 'with' them..

Don't be paranoid about it. Be yourself!

And next time they ask what your doing on the weekend. Say you haven't decided. Maybe they'll offer something to do!
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Old 08-06-07   #5
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Tiggs has a good point...being yourself is the best policy because then you attract that sort of energy to yourself.

Be open to it and it'll happen.

Also, if you are interested in particular things you can get more involved with those activities and maybe meet more people that way, or go the opposite route and ask yourself if maybe you're narrowing your options down TOO much. Not saying lower your standards, but be open to different kinds of people.

I have to agree though...unless you are the sort of person who is very looking for acquaintances or very casual light relationships (read: friendships), it can be sometimes hard to find good friends as an adult.
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Old 08-06-07   #6
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no family, no kids, single, with money? stop being cruel!

that's every bored housewife's dream, so why not go out and enjoy it for all us women left at home while the husband is at work going insane with children counting down the days until school starts, and multiplying them by the grey hairs popping out around your head?

once you have the partner, you're making considerations for them in all your activities, when you get the children, kiss your time, coupleship and any hobbies you had goodbye...and travel, money or other single person luxuries, what are those?

you quickly begin to miss the option to just sit quietly in a nice restraunt, take your time eating...leave to walk about town for a bit, maybe a little window shopping, a movie you haven't seen...take a weekend out of town to get a little different flavor....in this situation the only way you're going to break your loneliness is to go out and do something to alleviate it.

right now i'd be at a nice little coffee shop down the road drinking coffee, eating brunch and talking with whoever ended up sitting next to me at the counter...usually started inquiring if i'm done reading the paper and some current event, rather than listening to my daughter take her morning bath and contemplating the three towels and pile of wet clothes and toys i'll have to step through to get her to pick it all up, after frustrating defiance on her part, two loads of laundry that never end and wanting a new bike but realizing we still have four bills left to pay on this month.

enjoy being free and single, at one point you'll have your entire life to live for others, and then you'll really find your faith in Gd, especially those days when He's the only one not complicating your need for temporary solitude we all have or requiring you to sacrifice so much of you, for other people...that you begin to forget who you were.
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Old 08-06-07   #7
InKY
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Thanks to all of you.

~G~, I read some your words last night, and several times today the mental pic of you doing the stuff I'm scared to do on purpose brought a smile to my face and helped me plan a couple of things to do myself. Also, I was intentional today about valuing the casual friendships I do have, making a point of saying more than "hey" to the folks I meet at work.

Uncle Tiggs, you had a great practical suggestion I'll try out. I'm too religious to be "with but not with", but I'm not looking to be "with" anyway, so no prob. there.

Jordyn, I appreciate the reminder to be greatful for what I have. I hope you are able to find more rest for yourself. Re God: it sounds like your stressful life enables you to need Him more than my life requires me to do (knock on wood). That desire to get as much out of your time "with Him" will probably yield richer rewards for you that those of us who don't have as great need for solitary communion are in the habit of receiving.

Last edited by InKY; 08-06-07 at 22:27.
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Old 09-03-07   #8
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It's fun to do crazy shit by yourself the cops have less witnesses, lol. But seriously before I met my girlfreind I went everywhere by myself, and met alot of cool people, I know have a decent group of freinds most of who i met while I was out by myself fucking off.
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