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Old 06-22-07   #1
Chaos Creator
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Need Some Advice...

Okay, so I've been with this girl for 5 years now, and I know that she likes certain kinky things in bed, right? Well, the past few weeks, she's been really pushing for adding people during sex and swapping partners and shit. I mean, I'm a freak, myself, but I don't really want to fuck anyone else, you know? That's just the way I am. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't mind, but I'm in a relationship.
Anyway, just wondering if any of you guys have ever been in such a situation and/or what you would do?
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Old 06-22-07   #2
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Honestly, that is a personal choice. Either you try it and like it. Or you try it and don't like it. There are pros and cons to it {as with everything}. But bottom line is you and your partner.
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Old 06-22-07   #3
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Depends on the dynamics. bring in another guy? or another girl. If another guy then slap her.
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Old 06-22-07   #4
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One girl is already more than I can handle a lot of the time. And I wouldn't want to do do anything like that unless I was 100% sure that I wanted to do it.
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Old 06-22-07   #5
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Quote:
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Honestly, that is a personal choice. Either you try it and like it. Or you try it and don't like it. There are pros and cons to it {as with everything}. But bottom line is you and your partner.
Yeah, but why would she just now start bringing it up? I mean, we've been together for almost 6 years now.

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Depends on the dynamics. bring in another guy? or another girl. If another guy then slap her.
She wants to try both...

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Originally Posted by waffles
One girl is already more than I can handle a lot of the time. And I wouldn't want to do do anything like that unless I was 100% sure that I wanted to do it.
I hear that...
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Old 06-23-07   #6
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I would rather go to prison for strangling a fucker before I let another man touch my woman.
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Old 06-23-07   #7
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That's my general attitude...
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Old 06-23-07   #8
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how confident are you in the relationship you two have that can handle the egos that can become involved?

it's really something you both should continue to discuss, if you are having reservations explain them to her, tell her why it has you concerned; and find out why she wants to add this depth to your relationship, my husband enjoyed the competitive ego knowing that i'd always go back to his bed, no matter how fun the young guy ws, i liked the break from his libido, confident that no other women could compete with me in his, life. He still continues to sleep around,but i've become content with what i have in my life, and no longer need to seek more, but we were able to adjust our relationship to our needs, i don't mind him banging other girls, i get the affection, home and support, being the wife. Mistresses do have sort of a historical precedence, i just know about his.

the flipside can happen, i know a couple that just finalized a divorce...it was a weak relationship from the beginning, but rather than working on what the relationship was lacking, they chose to add another depth of other people to it, he couldn't handle the emotional conflict anymore and she didn't want to stop...he's now a single father.

ultimately it comes down to working out what you both need to keep your relationship stable, knowing with full confidence that any choices you or your partner make in a third, fourth or any other additional relationship will have no affect on the health of your main relationship, if that's not something you feel confident with, no matter how long you've been a couple, can you handle knowing your partner being pleased by another person, how do you feel about being with another person, is it an open relationship she's interested in, swinging, polyamory, will you two mutually discuss extra partners, deciding as a couple or just anyone, one person choose, disease testing of any extra partners, where are you going to be finding those you two decide to play with?

if either of you are having doubts, i wouldn't suggest doing anything more than sitting down and discussing exactly what each of you want and expect out of such a combustable aspect to a serious relationship, it can be amazing fun and a quick fix for the boring married sex...

but generally the girls get more action then the men, one person can end up sitting home alone because of a mix up in timing or bad day, while their partner is off doing another, and sometimes the emotional needs of their significant other are forgotten...even the best relationships can feel a little neglected if the couple's needs change and they don't discuss it.

do you think your relationship can handle third parties being involved and confident in the ability to control your ego and emotions if a guy with a bigger cock comes along, could she deal with you banging a girl that might be prettier...how will the sex between you two be affected?

it's good you're questioning it, it's really not a easy lifestyle emotionally or physically...i have no regrets, but i'm still the spoiled princess on a pedestal, while another girl takes the pounding.
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Old 06-23-07   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chaos Creator View Post
That's my general attitude...
Then dont let it happen. If thats how you feel then it will only make things worse when it does happen. And if she says "oh lets do it with another girl then" you need to make her assure you that she isnt going to try to pull some bullshit about "oh well now i want to do another guy, its only fair!" If thats what it'll be fuck that.
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Old 06-23-07   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jordyn View Post
how confident are you in the relationship you two have that can handle the egos that can become involved?

it's really something you both should continue to discuss, if you are having reservations explain them to her, tell her why it has you concerned; and find out why she wants to add this depth to your relationship, my husband enjoyed the competitive ego knowing that i'd always go back to his bed, no matter how fun the young guy ws, i liked the break from his libido, confident that no other women could compete with me in his, life. He still continues to sleep around,but i've become content with what i have in my life, and no longer need to seek more, but we were able to adjust our relationship to our needs, i don't mind him banging other girls, i get the affection, home and support, being the wife. Mistresses do have sort of a historical precedence, i just know about his.

the flipside can happen, i know a couple that just finalized a divorce...it was a weak relationship from the beginning, but rather than working on what the relationship was lacking, they chose to add another depth of other people to it, he couldn't handle the emotional conflict anymore and she didn't want to stop...he's now a single father.

ultimately it comes down to working out what you both need to keep your relationship stable, knowing with full confidence that any choices you or your partner make in a third, fourth or any other additional relationship will have no affect on the health of your main relationship, if that's not something you feel confident with, no matter how long you've been a couple, can you handle knowing your partner being pleased by another person, how do you feel about being with another person, is it an open relationship she's interested in, swinging, polyamory, will you two mutually discuss extra partners, deciding as a couple or just anyone, one person choose, disease testing of any extra partners, where are you going to be finding those you two decide to play with?

if either of you are having doubts, i wouldn't suggest doing anything more than sitting down and discussing exactly what each of you want and expect out of such a combustable aspect to a serious relationship, it can be amazing fun and a quick fix for the boring married sex...

but generally the girls get more action then the men, one person can end up sitting home alone because of a mix up in timing or bad day, while their partner is off doing another, and sometimes the emotional needs of their significant other are forgotten...even the best relationships can feel a little neglected if the couple's needs change and they don't discuss it.

do you think your relationship can handle third parties being involved and confident in the ability to control your ego and emotions if a guy with a bigger cock comes along, could she deal with you banging a girl that might be prettier...how will the sex between you two be affected?

it's good you're questioning it, it's really not a easy lifestyle emotionally or physically...i have no regrets, but i'm still the spoiled princess on a pedestal, while another girl takes the pounding.
Oh, man. All this has done is give me more reason to worry.
For one thing, I'm not an exhibitionist. I don't even like for people to see me in my boxers, let alone some other dude in the room while I'm banging my girl. We've been watching some videos and talking about different shit. I just don't know.
My girl's into BDSM. Which, I am, too, but I don't know how far I want to take it. She wants to be a slave, but she wants to dominate, too. I'm more dominate than anything else. I like having my way.
I worry because I've always been one of those people with a crazy self-image. At times I'm really egotistical, but sometimes I'm really self-concious. Is that what they call manic-depressive? Whatever. Anyway, I worry because I'm afraid that if we do something like this, who's to say she's not going to leave me for some other guy/girl that fucks her better? I mean, I trust her, but there's always that chance that it'll change everything. I love my girl, and I don't want to lose her.
She's always telling me that I'm the one she comes home to and all that, but what happens that one day when she doesn't? And, I completely agree that females get more than males. That's another aspect that worries me. What if she has all these guys falling all over her trying to fuck her, and I can't even find one girl willing? That would suck.
My girl has a myspace page where she portrays her wicked side. There's all kinds of freaks on there trying to get with her. Some girl told her today that she wanted to be my girl's slave for a week. Which, in itself, might be kind of cool. But what about the rest of the fucking psycho-freaks?
God, I hate this shit.


Quote:
Then dont let it happen. If thats how you feel then it will only make things worse when it does happen. And if she says "oh lets do it with another girl then" you need to make her assure you that she isnt going to try to pull some bullshit about "oh well now i want to do another guy, its only fair!" If thats what it'll be fuck that.
She would probably do that, too. She's that kind of person.
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Old 06-23-07   #11
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Oh, man. All this has done is give me more reason to worry.
For one thing, I'm not an exhibitionist. I don't even like for people to see me in my boxers, let alone some other dude in the room while I'm banging my girl. We've been watching some videos and talking about different shit. I just don't know.
My girl's into BDSM. Which, I am, too, but I don't know how far I want to take it. She wants to be a slave, but she wants to dominate, too. I'm more dominate than anything else. I like having my way.
I worry because I've always been one of those people with a crazy self-image. At times I'm really egotistical, but sometimes I'm really self-concious. Is that what they call manic-depressive? Whatever. Anyway, I worry because I'm afraid that if we do something like this, who's to say she's not going to leave me for some other guy/girl that fucks her better? I mean, I trust her, but there's always that chance that it'll change everything. I love my girl, and I don't want to lose her.
She's always telling me that I'm the one she comes home to and all that, but what happens that one day when she doesn't? And, I completely agree that females get more than males. That's another aspect that worries me. What if she has all these guys falling all over her trying to fuck her, and I can't even find one girl willing? That would suck.
My girl has a myspace page where she portrays her wicked side. There's all kinds of freaks on there trying to get with her. Some girl told her today that she wanted to be my girl's slave for a week. Which, in itself, might be kind of cool. But what about the rest of the fucking psycho-freaks?
God, I hate this shit.
If your being the Dom, Then TELL HER!!! or are you a switch? Hell, if she wants a slave, it might be fun.. Slave of the slave and all that... {been there}
if she's looking at Dom's, Your in trouble. Means your not taking her to where she wants to be. Seriously, i have to agree with J.. Talk to her about what the expectations, limitations, and realistic happenings are. You may discover that she may wish to be more Dom, or want YOU to be more Dom.. Or she may just want a sub partner to 'enjoy time with'..

Bottom line is..... : Discuss it deeply with her first.. Find out where you both want to set your limits at.. Then discuss options from there. either you can find happiness, an equal enjoyment, or neither..
But you have to discuss it with an OPEN MIND before you come to a final conclusion.
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Your more Delusional than you think I am! {Duck Dodgers}
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Old 06-23-07   #12
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Fuck that homo open mind shit. If you know you don't like it, then you tell her you don't like it. Period. Better to tell her its something you don't want and wont accept and lose her, than to have her fucking every guy on the block making a fool of you 1st, then dumping you later.
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Old 06-23-07   #13
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Yes Billy, i know your Dom.. And your partner likes it that way.. But he is not you..
And, for your education, it is NOT homo.. it's something different.
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Your more Delusional than you think I am! {Duck Dodgers}
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Old 06-23-07   #14
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Whats homo is being "open minded" to bullshit he knows he don't want. And I aint talking about stupid ass sex games and bondage and other flavor of the month fetishes. I am talking about telling him to be open minded about him letting his girlfriend bring other guys in the house so he can watch them blow loads on her face. He obviously don't want that, no reason to be open minded about it. Case closed.
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Old 06-23-07   #15
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what would i do?

may sound harsh, but i'd walk. doesn't matter how you want to dress it up, essentially she wants someone else in her bed. I wouldn't put up with any b.s. about having a special sexuality etc, etc. we all experiment when we are young, but when it's time for a committed relationshiip, you grow up and are faithful or risk never being able to really deepen a relationship.

if i wanted a superficial relationship with a fuck toy - i'd stay. but if i was looking for a mature lasting relationship - i'd say hasta la vista baby and go find someone who wanted the same thing.
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Old 06-24-07   #16
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Okay. First I want to thank you all for the input thus far.

As for the situation at hand...
I am the Dom. Always have been in our relationship because that's what she wants. I'm sort of switch, but only to a certain degree. Handcuff me, tie me up, fuck me. Whatever. I'm not down with CBT or anything like that, which is one of the things she's kind of down with.
And, yeah, I'm pretty fucking certain that I don't want any dicks other than mine anywhere near her.
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Old 06-25-07   #17
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Okay. First I want to thank you all for the input thus far.

As for the situation at hand...
I am the Dom. Always have been in our relationship because that's what she wants. I'm sort of switch, but only to a certain degree. Handcuff me, tie me up, fuck me. Whatever. I'm not down with CBT or anything like that, which is one of the things she's kind of down with.
And, yeah, I'm pretty fucking certain that I don't want any dicks other than mine anywhere near her.
then let her know, and find other alternatives that could keep you both satisfied without another person involved, try rollplaying...if the couple really get into it, than both sides get a little willing to do something with the other, they may not in their non character self, and if done really well with costumes and even wigs...it's like having a different flavor, without having to go through all the hassle of finding it.

i agree with cally in telling her no and risking her walking out or cheating on you, but if she loves you and really wants to honor your wishes, then she'll be willing to work things out to satisfy the both of you.

i know two couples who do have only the girl with girls, for one it works well, he doesn't have a high libido but loves to watch, she does it because she likes playing with girls, but loves the men...the other guy who's amazingly handsome and devoted as a father and husband ends up with the four children all the while his wife's out playing...she really doesn't like men and is very dom, sad really...she's married to an amazing man.

Quote:
I completely agree that females get more than males. That's another aspect that worries me. What if she has all these guys falling all over her trying to fuck her, and I can't even find one girl willing? That would suck.
it was like this with my husband before i bowed out, all sorts of men would be clamoring for a fling, but the girls were looking for couples, relationships or girls only. *shrugs* i suppose it's that women look for emotion and a lot of men are content to just, bang what's available?

but yeah, i'm with billy on this one...if it's something that would leave you feeling bad, say no, pull out your whip, set her on her knees and remind her who's, the man.

well, that'd work for me, but i'm aware that there are times when my inner princess needs to be spanked all the way back to reality.
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Old 06-30-07   #18
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Again, thank you for the advice.
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