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Old 09-08-03   #1
NMaries
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Finding the Right Person

Now I'm kind-of a paranoid person and there are a lot of things that can make me uneasy. I don't know what I should do.

A big worry is someone who wants sex too fast and getting knocked up. Another is spousal abuse. That one is a big one for me.

The lines of violence between men and women have gotten really low. Now it bothers me a lot when someone just wants to wrestle too much.

For example there was this guy I started dating that thought I was like "One of the guys." At first it was playfull wrestling but then he would suddenly start wrestling when he was mad about something or for no reason. It was sick when he thought it was a sexual manuvere.

We broke up eventually, but I've seen women hit men. I've occasionally tapped to hard when a boyfriend was pissing me off. Trying to be a lady and keep my hands to myself, what do I do to attract someone with the same values. Men don't hit women. Women don't hit Men. (Unless they are not dating and it's sparing (martial arts)).
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Old 09-08-03   #2
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what advice are you asking for exactly?
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Old 09-09-03   #3
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i don't know what advice you are asking for, but i'll put in my two cents anyway, because i'm good at that

i think hitting is fine. i know a lot of people that don't like to do it and won't do it at any cost. but my boyfriend and i wrestle, smack, slap, and stuff like that all the time. we're just being playful. and we both know where it crosses the line... when it actually hurts, badly. a little hurt is kinda fun, and when you get slapped in the face, it's really an eye opener. but i don't know. i *AM* just one of the guys. although i'm female, i'm a tomboy, big time. so i'm into all that playful sort of stuff. i hate when someone is too serious about physical interactions. it really limits you... especially when you are too afraid that you are going to hurt the other person or piss them off. fuck being a lady... (like i said, i'm a tomboy, so that's just my line of thinking). i'd rather go all out and wrestle and just have fun!
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Old 09-09-03   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silverflame
what advice are you asking for exactly?
The last response was fair, but it is more isolating exactly who it is I want to be in a relationship with. Even is I were a "Tomboy" I'd a serious, clinical, somewhat dark, passivist. So the violence thing is out.

I usually just leave someone if they appear threatening to me. So not a big problem in the how to deal with someone in an abusive relationship.
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Old 09-09-03   #5
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well, finding the right person all depends on your preferences with people. i mean, if you aren't sure exactly WHAT you like, then just date around. i did that for awhile when i was confused.

i don't really consider what tom and i do to be violent. it's playful, so i don't believe it to be malicious. in fact, i smacked him continually in the car tonight. he went to drop me off, and we were kinda kissing and talking at the same time and he was joking around and called me "ugly". so i smacked him in his side. then i told him about how i'm sometimes afraid that he's cheating on me. i joked that i don't like to share (which is completely true) and he said, "well i like to share." i asked, "what's that supposed to mean?!" and he replied, "well, i shared you with the guys from the band Sunk!" and i smacked him again on his side and said, "hey, i was drunk and molested! and you were drunk and on the phone and not willing to do a damned thing about it even though you were less than a foot away!" i knew he was joking though that's what we do... we joke... and we play-fight. it's just my preference to be able to open up the options of physical interaction by allowing "play-fighting". if he EVER seriously hit me and HURT me... then he'd be gone in less than a second.
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Old 09-10-03   #6
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Glad I'm not whatever you want, cause I'm not a man.
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Old 09-10-03   #7
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hehe, well you know... it happens
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Old 09-11-03   #8
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I'm not really sure how to be less tomboyish. I pluck my eyebrows, wear descent clothing, wear make-up, curl my hair and for the most part don't look like a man, unless it was a man looking like a woman and even then drag queens are usually way flamboient. I am not flamboient.

You know my closest friend from 1st grade to 2nd grade had 3 brothers. She was kind-of tough and fought with guys. I would go do normal stuff like walk to the park and hang out. But I also had other friends and we'd play with Barbie. After I moved I might play something a little more aggressive than hop scotch. Still playing with Barbie though and I got Teen Works, then Seventeen and eventually Bizzare.

I've been in classes and jobs where I'm the only woman there. It hasn't been too uncomfortable. Are all men just assholes?
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Old 09-12-03   #9
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I dont beleive Ill eva find a mr."right" or a misses "right" people are real fucked up.
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Old 09-12-03   #10
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Just knowing movies do not demonstrate proper behavior and keep their hands to themselves and fairly non-violent, doesn't seem like a lot to ask. They don't have to be exactly like me. In fact, I get along with independent people. Someone gets too fresh or lovey dovey I think they are a con artist or an emotional black hole.
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Old 09-18-03   #11
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[quote=NMaries]
You know my closest friend from 1st grade to 2nd grade had 3 brothers. She was kind-of tough and fought with guys.

i have 3 brother's. but i origionally had 4. but one of them died and i never new him. but i'm glad that i only have three. i only had two brother's that would wrestle me ALL THE TIME untill i toughen up and learn how to fight. so once when i toughened up they stopped messing with me. i wrestled with a couple of guys in high school. i remember this one wrestling match that i had with my friend name joe and him and i were friends for 4 years.

we were by the portables. he pushed me and i pushed him back. that i jumped up and i grabbed him in a headlock. then he got his leg and tripped me and i still had him in a headlock as we both fell to the ground. we both sat up on are feet. we were chocking the holly living shit out of each other. i couldn't breath and my face was turning red.
he told me to let go. then i told him no you let go. as we were still holding each other in that same possition. he slammed my back againt's the portable three times. i still held on to him. then he lowered me down and he banged the side of my side on the corner of the portable a couple of times. i had a hard time breathing while he was doing that. i said that he was a dick while my head was being banged. so i got his ass on the floor. then he tried to crawl undearneath me and he ended up scrapping the skin off of his hand. he was afraid to wrestle me ever since then. i asked him how his hand felt. then he said that it was on fire. i asked him if he wanted to take me on a second match. he said "fuck you and i don't ever want to wrestle you again." so i just sat there and laughed. i'm 5'0 and he was 5'7.

we would wrestled each other before class started early in the morning every day bye the portables. it was fun as hell! i even wrestled a couple of the other guys. all the guys said that i should join the girls wrestling team in high school. but i couldn't cause i got a bad knee, shoulder, and back. if i didn't have these problems with my body. i would be in the wrestling time faster then you would know it.

but i don't do girlie things either. i am also a tom boy my self.
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Old 09-18-03   #12
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i feel like typing another fighting match that was going in high school. i have a couple of wrestling matches that i did ith different guys.

well there was this one guy name twinky. he is a fat guy. one time twinky had two candy bars in his hands. once when joe and i saw his candy. the both of us wanted to take it away from him. so i grabbed the fat kid in a headlock. then my friend joe would sit up on bars. then once when he was well ballenced on the bars. he would stand up. then as he stood up. he would fly through the air and with his right fist it was coming down. while i was still holding the guy in a headlock and joe was flying through the air. he landed on top of that guy and with his left fist he popped me on the left side of my head. my body went the other direction and i almost lost my ballence untill i grabbed on to the bar with both of my hands. i stood back up and joe came over to me and he gave me a hug. i was fucking laughing my ass off when that happened. he was still holding me and making sure that i was ok. i didn't care because that was fucking funny as hell.

then the last time i wrestled with joe. we were wrestling out in the front yard. we both went for each other in a headlock and threw each other to the ground. as we made it to the ground my head hit the brick. i told that we should scoot on down with out moving from the possition that were in. as we moved. we didn't know what else to do but to let each other go.

through out these wrestling matches. i had my back slammed up againts the portables, i had my head banged on the corner of the portables, i got popped in the face, and i also got my head slammed into a brick. but that only hurt a little but i still took everyone like a pro. i'm ment for this kind of sport. but with all these condition's that i have with knee,shoulder, and back i can't wrestle. that pissed me off though.
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Old 09-18-03   #13
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Find someone who can be you're bestfriend. Easy as that. It'll take time and patience, but you'll eventually come across a person who can be exactly that.
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Old 09-18-03   #14
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i love the relationship that i'm in right now. she's so sweet and we often have those really serious conversations or really funny ones. then there are times when we just cuddle and kiss. i'm okay with playful pushing, but nothing more than that.
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Old 09-19-03   #15
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Quote:
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Find someone who can be you're bestfriend. Easy as that. It'll take time and patience, but you'll eventually come across a person who can be exactly that.
yep and i agree. cause that is how him and i were. we were just friends. i hated how everyone at high school labed us as couples when we were only friends. but then again that is high school and i'm done with it. know i'm in college. college is ALOT better then high school. i say that it is more funner then high school. also the thing that i find to be great about college is that people keep to them selves.
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Old 09-19-03   #16
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i think you are on the right path with those who seem too aggressive, but lovey dovey men should get a chance. It's not easy finding the one, and when you do they'll be nothing like you expected...or where you imagine you'd meet them, i met my husband in front of walmart...i couldn't be happier with another person...in the same token, fate will not allow you to do what you are not ready to do...work out some of your doubts about the other sex and relationships...if you can't get over your concerns...you may push away the one that could make you happy...i almost did.
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