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Old 07-15-03   #21
NMaries
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Well, tonight while I was out smoking a cigarette, two german shepards appeared out of nowhere. They were both well trained. I went to the store to check the lost and found. By the time I got back they were gone. I called on one because I didn't know what that type of dog looked liked. They were probably neighbor dogs running around to get some exercise.

Now I'm studying for a test. I took one test this morning. It is such a weird thing. Sometimes I get tired of trying to be up and entusiastic. In away, all they bantor and insults are just bringing me down. Everyone thinks it's funny, but it's all just stupid one liners and other crap. My sense of fun is dwindling. Not every waking moment is a joy. In fact, lately there has been hardly any joyfull moments. My friend stuggles with unemployment and living in a situation close to moving back home. On top of that he's slowly going through everything that has made him give up on life, like getting into an accident that killed his friend.

You know it's nice having someone to share things with. Another birthday is coming up and with all the education I already have I wonder if going back to school will help or I'll just get swamped into more debt. My business isn't really doing anything lately, but the feedforms are working again and a few credit companies are now down to the point of sueing me. It's been several months since I've made payment, but the debt isn't enough to declare bancruptcy over. One day I'll just go on welfare and read for entertainment. I still want to live alone. I'd like to live better than that though.

Life doesn't exactly suck, but I'm losing interest.
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Old 07-25-03   #22
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Today

Today at school one of my classmates was going out of their way to avoid hanging out in front of the school on smoke breaks. Yesterday, someone was talking to her. I couldn't tell what was going on, so I walked past. It looked like she could handle it. I usually go out to my car to smoke and listen to the radio. So today I went and smoked with everyone else.

It's not my place to say, she has a way of picking out iffy topics that make people uncomfortable. However, as I thought, Misses Super Cool is behind some of this or at least as not as "cool" as she wants everyone to believe. If she was why is she picking on anyone. Maybe super cool gets off on putting others down to make herself look better.

It's none of my business, but I found out she's diffently half-hispanic. That's probably the real reason she was trying to get all chummy with me. I don't respect that though. Picking sides and picking on other people isn't right. I try to live up to some of my ideals. One of those ideals is everyone getting along and people being civil with eachother. Everyone is someone to someone else and deserves compassion. If I find out they are picking on her because of her race, I'm going to be so fucking pissed off.
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Old 07-28-03   #23
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Well, really don't like the new format, mmm. I'll get used to it maybe.



Everything at school is looking better. Even "super cool" has taken it down a notch.



I have the house to myself for awhile, but I need to study. I need to study now. Having a party in my home has never thrilled me. Unless I knew I could trust them not to break anything or invite strangers who would break things the whole idea just seems bad. Still a friend and I watched the Star Wars series and Mummy. It's been a really kicked back weekend.
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Old 08-05-03   #24
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Today I would like to thank everyone for respecting my privacy.

Finals are over and completed. I have three whole weeks to do other boring stuff I always do.



Today, went alright. Ms. "Super Cool" finally stopped acting so above it. Too bad I probably won't ever see her again. She seems nice now.

Maybe it was her trying to come across as punk that was so disturbing with the prime attitude. You know it's hard to say where punks draw the line.

I remember when some of the olders punks I hung out with would start getting all high on themselves. They would say stuff like, "I'm way more punk than you" and "Beiatch in your dreams."

Then the dancing around trying to look all cool would start. With the little improve songs like, "Look at me, look at me. You all suck, blah, blah, blah. Augh!" I found patrynizing them to fun though. Oh well. I think the Price is Right is on.
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Old 08-12-03   #25
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Today I went to work. It was a phone sales job. I was ready to leave when I found out I'd be an independent contractor. Anyway, I still went in.

Outbound cold calls is the "worst" job ever. I don't know why, it just is. Then when I went out for a smoke break there was this huge rocker that's into Nirvana. It was bizarre. She has the same name as a snake. Tattooes and everything aside, I was afraid to go in after I finished my cigarette. Not to offend. Oh well, she said something about not wanting to prove how cool she is. There's no problem there.

Has anyone seen the beginning of "Robin Hood: Men in Tights?" You now the boy in the beginning that runs and screams. That sums up my personallity pretty well. If you ever want to get to know me better, it's a great movie.

What was really amazing is that my close friends know I'm like that so they try to make me sound all bad ass to people. I'm afraid the running and screaming will never stop.
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Old 08-13-03   #26
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I probably should respond to other journals, but just not clicking with any of it.

It would be good to clearify running away from people. The main people I run away from are usually all high and mightly about how everything should be including me. It's like in "Goth." The antagonus kept saying "Are you a Real Goth?" "I'm Goth" "You're not Got." Her idea of Goth was being more than a jerk to everyone. Not to say I wouldn't like to hurt those who would harm or hurt me, but my values say always run away first.

It hasn't always held true. At a party once I kept telling someone to leave me alone. They didn't and I couldn't get away. I knocked them out. This was not a good day for me.

Another situation occured later, after getting more of a grip. Someone challenged me to a fight. I got them to go outside and then closed the door behind them. Much more shiny and to my liking.

Quite frankly though if someone is to aggressive I just stay clear of them. Trying to hard to be something is one of the first ways I identify someone who'll start a fight with me or someone else. Another awfull thing is when people are forced to harm someone in order to be friends. It's the kind of conditional friendship I never go for. I'd teach someone defense if they had to have it. I tell them to shut up and stop being so opionated before then.

Oh well, off to rest somemore. My mini-vacation rages on.

Last edited by NMaries; 08-13-03 at 06:37.
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Old 09-13-03   #27
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Well nothing exciting going on really. Went shopping yesterday. Bought some stones. A really nice tiger eye. The lady there was really nice. We talked about different types of stones. She didn't have any hemetite. It's one of my favorites. The Bloodstone was so polished it looked like hemetite. Another boutique seemed to be all freaked out. I bought a knecklace and braclet though I planned on leaving after she followed me. I don't like it when people assume I'm a theif.

School is boring as well. After needing to go to the bathroom really bad in statistics, people are making a big deal out of it. A girl was making fun of me in another class. I sit way, way in the back of the class, so it's like making a big scene to just go to the bathroom. I try to get there earlier but no luck. Still stuck way, way away from the door. I thought the class would be ending soon, so sometimes I would start bouncing. The really awefull part is a guy seemed to get turned on by my needing to go potty. There is a real sickness at the school. That and he looks desperate anyway.
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Old 09-14-03   #28
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Today I got into an accident. It wasn't a big deal. After going to the convience store I was going to park as usually. I must have turned in too fast because I grazed his car.

Sitting out there smoking a cigarette to calm down, he just hopped in his car and left. Just went to go do laudry. Then I had to tell him and call the police, so he could file for insurance.

It was an okay weekend before that.

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