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Old 09-08-03   #21
*Tizzie*
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i'm going to fucking die. i swear. this inpacted wisdom tooth is going to be the end of me. it hurts a little, even through the perc... and that's pretty bad. i'm sooo sick, because i took too many damned pills to make this go away. i think my insides are coming out. *groan* *pitiful noise* oh well... if i die tonight from the pain or a pill overdose, tell everyone that i love them and i'm sorry that i'm such a fucking idiot.
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Old 09-08-03   #22
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Don't take pills, you are not a fucking idiot. You just need to find other ways to cope with it.
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Old 09-08-03   #23
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well, i'm doing a lot better today than last night. i slept most of the sickness off. i'm still a little yucky, but i think that's just because of this gay tooth.

i'm chewing on ice all day. so far, it's been pretty good. i'll just stick to over the counter pills and keep myself safe
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Old 09-08-03   #24
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yeah, i survived, by the way, if you couldn't tell!
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Old 09-09-03   #25
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Old 09-09-03   #26
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lol, i'm feeling a good bit better today. i guess, but my tummy is still feeling a little blah.

i don't have anything to bitch about. it's unusual, yes, but overall it's been decent i suppose.

my tooth doesn't feel awful anymore and my hearing is almost completely back. hah! stupid ear infection, take that! *pow!* but i know i'll probably wake up with awful pains again... like i did the one morning... ick, up at 7am with a toothache after going to bed at 4am. that's no good. of course, i'm not stupid... i took a pain pill and went back to bed. the only way to do it. speaking of taking pills, i told tom about how i got sick last night. because i told him, i got a lecture in the car (where i can't get away from him) about how i shouldn't take so many pills and stuff. i said, "well the only reason i got sick is because i didn't eat before i took them!" damn you tom!

that's the worst place to bring up taboo subjects; the car. because if you get into an arguement or something else unpleasant, you can't escape. you're stuck to listen to all that crap! that's where tom and i fight all the time. i think we do it on purpose to make sure that the other one has no other choice but to listen. we argue, bitch, complain, moan, lecture, and cry in the car to each other. that ensures the other person is going nowhere. i'll remember that for next time. except that's just about the only time i get alone time to talk to him; is when we're in the fucking car! oh well...

anyway, the damned halloween adventure store didn't call me like they said they would. damn them. i REALLY need a job. it just seems like everyone out there doesn't want to hire me. why? i'm a cute! and i'm sociable, reliable, and a hard-worker. there's nothing wrong with me! i'm not yucky! i'm a healthy (sort of), able, willing, and overall cute individual. not to mention, i'm skilled too! are they afraid that i'll have more skills than their dork-ass, middle-aged, nobody managers at these places? probably. but i don't give a shit if i do or not! it's not like i'm going to start a revolution at a place that pays me! for the money, i'll keep my smart-ass mouth shut for a change! god knows i did at mcdonald's for the while that i worked there! geez!

another reason i can't find a fucking job is because of bush. that fucker has fucked up the economy so bad that people with degrees are forced work the jobs that i should be working. and in tern, i can't get a job because their market is too small for them, so they take all the jobs that i can do without a degree. so with or without, the entire america is bent over the table and fucked in the ass. fuck you bush. fuck you and your stupid republican party (no offense, republicans on the forum).

(mental note: wow, i actually do have stuff to bitch about!)

another thing that sucks is my sleeping schedule. i have myself all flipped around that i stay up all damned night and i sleep during the day. stupid partying i did in the summer. yeah, that's my fault, i'll admit it right off, but i won't stop bitching about it. i'm supposed to get up at 9:30am to go to the bank and cash my checks tommorrow (well today now). am i? probably not, you know why? because i'm not getting my lazy ass out of bed unless i'm getting paid. yeah, that's fucking right! until i get a job, there is no reason for me to get out of bed until about 3pm or so. and it's really true too. i'm not being lazy when i have serious stuff to do. so i have to go to the bank? the bank is open until 4pm. i have time

tom's band's practice was *REALLY* super fun tonight! we met up at the guitarist's (corey) house and went to eat 'n park. when we got there, we talked about how they are going to kick the drummer out because he's a "chode" (if anyone knows what the fuck a chode is, please let me know. i'm completely lost on that. it's a funny word, though). he's just a complete dickhead, distrusting, pussy-whipped, asshole. he once said that he didn't trust anyone in the band except the lead singer (dave). he also said that he'd trust tom, if tom was ever on time for anything. well, it's not tom's fault that "chode" (what we are now referring the drummer as) gives him really ass-backward directions to places! he also delayed practice for a half and hour once because his girlfriend (who we like to refer to as "horse-face") wanted to be alone with him in his room. now, we *KNOW* they weren't having sex or anything of the sort. they don't do that. "horse-face" is really domineering over "chode" and that puts a dent into the band when she throws a hissy fit. he's fucking whipped like no other. i say, "chode, grow some fucking balls and tell your woman how it is!" i don't even see why he's that fucking whipped! she's ugly and she has a bubble ass! plus he's a liar. he's lied about so much shit.

enough about chode. i love the guys in crimson mask! they are so amusing, fun-loving, guys! and they sound *GREAT*! oh, and the coolest thing is that i have a part in their song, ivy. (everything in color is what i sing. if it's not in parenthesis, then i sing it with Dave)

Ivy
(D. Rosetta, C. Backo)

Poison fingernails
She is not the girl you have been waiting for
Silver attitude
She will make you things that you've been trying to avoid
Rat-tail back
She's deceitful and she's wicked underneath
Boys believe me
You can let her go but keep her in your reach

Been 17 years
Since I last heard her voice calling out to me
17 years alone
Oh, you look at me as if it's so easy
You will not forget
This girl will do things to you, you can't imagine
Little Spanish doll (confess it all)
Pins and voodoo, Oh my god it's never done

You want me to go back (ooo, ooo)
Recall what it is that made me feel this way
Just a young lad
Never knew the stinging itch of hell's ivy
She seemed so innocent (ooo, ooo)
Innocent enough at least by perception
Underneath the mask (at last)
Lies the mistress of manipulation

Do you have a soul
Is it still instact
Or broken and twisted

Like mine (I know how to make you mine)
She is in control
Whip marks on your back

Curls her finger
"You're mine!"

together
Now as I kill myself (Poison fingernails)
Make the lesson learned (silver attitude)
Make her gorgeous mask revealed (i know how to make you mine)
Don't let me die in vain (17 years alone)
But I can take no more (you will not forget)
I have seen the face of evil (forever now, you're mine)

i'm really nervous about it. i don't know, we have a few venues to play, and it's really scary. i've never been in front of HUGE crowds. but i think i can do it. everyone seems to love it. yay!

uhh, that's about it for the news for today. check back for random rants, bitching, and excitement tommorrow!
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Old 09-09-03   #27
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i'm sure you'll find a job...
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Old 09-09-03   #28
*Tizzie*
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*growls* fucking government. fucking corporate bitches. fucking, fuck fuck fuck...

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

i think i'm done now.
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Old 09-10-03   #29
*Tizzie*
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umm, ok, well here goes for the events of this night...

i spent the entire night online. what a surprise! oh my heavens, how shocking is that! well, evening, i should say. tom called me at about 10pm and asked, "hey do you want to go out and do something with me and sobby for an hour or so? it's sobby's birthday!" so i agreed, dressed myself, and left the house. we were *SUPPOSED* to go to the Bridgeville firehall to see jim (the whore) and his girlfriend, but he bailed. apparently, something happened at his girlfriend's place and he needed to take her home. so the firehall was a no-go i miss the whore.

that's the funny thing with jim. he comes around in spurts. for awhile, he'll be MIA and we'll all miss him like crazy. and then, all of a sudden, POOF! he's around all the freakin' time! that's what happened in august. he was around almost all of august... but he wasn't anytime before that. *shrug* the whore is fun and everything, but i don't see him as a permenant fixture without our social group.

OH WAIT! i forgot to mention something else. i got this odd feeling last night that tom was cheating on me. it all began with this:

Quote:
Wednesday 08/27/2003 113:59am
Name: emily
Homepage:
E-Mail: ecp9@pitt.edu
Referred By: Friend
What is your favorite Crimson Mask song?: Ivy
Comments on the band: hey tom, i enjoyed this website, i'm glad you're doing something you love. keep up the good work, e! love, em
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!?!?! i mean, i know emily is his friend and everything, but they were in a fight?! and she called him E. that's usually a phrase that tom and i use with each other, and a few selected REALLY close friends. and the love part... i was like... hmm? that, and how the hell did she get the site? tom and her supposedly hadn't spoken since about may-june. so i was really rattled...

so i mentioned tom that emily had written something in the crimson mask guest book. he was like, "whoa, how the hell?" and then he realized how she had gotten it... she was going to be the bassist for the original crimson mask before it fell apart. so she was still on the mailing list... and that's how. the rest is forgiven... because i know that at one time they were REALLY close friends. at one time this afternoon, i sat down and tried to rationalize it...

here's the reasons that he wouldn't.
1.) he loves me. i can see it in the things he does. just from how he touches me, to how he kisses me... and other stuff. if he didn't love me, then he wouldn't cuddle with me like he does. or do any of the other stuff. he wouldn't act like he does. and i know that for a fact. because he loves me, he wouldn't have any reason to cheat on me at all! because love would definately restraint him from any behavior that would jepordize him keeping the love intact.

2.) he is a respectable kind of guy. i mean, he can be an asshole, but everyone can be an asshole at times. i know i trash him sometimes, but i don't even go into HALF of the mushy, gushy crap that you guys don't give two shits about anyway. i think that if he wanted someone else, and not me, he'd at least have the decency to let me know instead of going behind my back.

3.) it's EMILY for god's sake! this is the same girl who has been messing with him for awhile. she's completely unbalanced, and emotionally disturbed. he wouldn't touch that with a ten-foot pole and rubber gloves. i remember when i told him that i used to be very unstable... and i used to cut and things like that he asked, "but you don't do it anymore right?" i answered, "yes." and he said, "good, because i don't deal with that kind of shit."

4.) i've seen pictures of her. not to be arrogant or anything but i'm A LOT better looking than her.

so the message was just her trying to get back on his good side after she completely dicked him with her asshole boyfriend and everything. so that's about it. it doesn't mean that i trust her any more than i did... or any less... it was just a bad feeling i got. besides, after i got fucked with alek, i can never be too careful.

so tom was joking with me in the car and he called me ugly. (of course, i smacked him for it!) and he said, "well at least i don't have to worry about you running around on me, because who would want you!" so i replied, "sometimes i worry about you doing that." he asked, "what, me running around on you?" i answered, "yeah." he said, "and what would you do if i did?" that stung... because i was already worried to begin with... i answered, "i would probably be pretty upset." he said, "oh E, i'd never do that to you!" and he kissed me. why do i believe him? because of his eyes. even in the dark of the car, i can still see them, and i know he can't lie to me while looking me in the face.

i didn't take offense to being called ugly. i know i'm not, because he kept turning the car light on to get a better look at me. ugly am i? liar he is

even though it was just an hour and a half or so that we spent together, it was still incredible. i love him. i really really do. his eyes... his smile... the way he looks at me, the way he kisses me... all of that. he's an amazing me.

oh, i didn't get to mention that i am closing in on being his longest relationship. yay! go me!

alright, enough of this mushy crap. i'll have something to bitch about tommorrow, i'm sure until then...!!!
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Old 09-10-03   #30
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oh by the way. no toothache today. no ear infection. and my tooth isn't impacted, actually! yay!
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Old 09-10-03   #31
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Good.
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Old 09-10-03   #32
*Tizzie*
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yay! i'm too happy!
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Old 09-10-03   #33
Edge
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I want to live in a world of peace
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I just canít keep it inside
Iíve gotta say what I wanna say
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Old 09-10-03   #34
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*lixx tizzie*
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Old 09-11-03   #35
*Tizzie*
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heheh i'm sitting here, toasted as hell, listening to slightly stoopid sing "i used to love her". it goes, i used to love her... ooh yeah, but i had to kill her... she bitched sooo much... she drove me nuts... it makes me happier this way!! it's sooo funny....

another excellent day. i'll keep it short because i can hardly move my fingers... (well, i can, but it's sloppy and slow).

i went for an interview at halloween adventure at 2pm. i was in there for like 3 minutes, and the guy told me, "you're basically hired, but we just need this interview as a formality." it was awesome. i start tommorrow at some time. they're going to call me in. so yeah, it's great.

tom came and got my ass around 8:30. i don't know, we got fucking toasted tonight. i can bitch about a few things, but i'm WAAAAY too messed up to put any energy into that.

so here i am now, got in around 12:30 or something... and now i'm going to bed before i fucking pass out at the computer because "the new flesh" by NIN is REALLY putting me to sleep. i wish i could burn it in like under a minute, because i would add this to a disc. yeah. goodnight.
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