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Old 07-17-03   #1
Legolas
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Seriously Seeking Help

Check it out, I was dating a girl for 5 and a half almost 6 months. She ended things over a month ago. Now here is the problem, I still want to be with her. I'm nowhere closer to getting over her than I was when she broke up with me, in fact I think I might want her more now than when we were together. I can tell you that I've experienced being with her, and I've experienced being without her, and I can't stand being without her.

So I don't know what to do. I've told her that I still wanted to be with her, she told me that it wasn't going to happen. Why can't I let go?

Ok here are some more info so maybe you can help me. I worked with the girl for about 4 months before going out with her. We went out a couple of times, I knew I was interested, and then I made things official. After 5 and a ½ months, it being official, she broke things off telling me that she didn't feel the same way she did before. At one moment, I did feel that she was distant, but things got better in my view. Ok, so I'm still working with the girl, though we have very minimal amount of shifts together. Another thing is that I do dragon boat with her on monday and thursday's nights. So I do see her atleast twice a week.

I used to talk to her every night over the computer, and now well, I'm not talking to her because I'm trying to give her some space, but there is a big change in my life not talking to her.

Ok, I don't know if I'm holding on to the past, I don't know if I'm holding on to a future which I believed was going to happen. Also I really don't know if I want to be with her, because, and this might sound really shallow, but it might be because I wanted to take her virginity. Another thing I was maybe thinking is that maybe I'm in love with her. You see there is so much that I really don't know.

Ok I've got a lot more too. You see, I keep getting this vision of the future and I'm with her. It is just something that pops into my head from time to time, but it is nothing like when I'm day-dreaming, or dreaming. Ok when I dream about her, I know it isn't real because things are just not right. When I day-dream, which I do a whole lot of, I'll get to that later, I can cnage things from everytime I picture it, but this vision, it was just really different, and it was so realistic, like a you know something that would become a déjà-vu.

Ok finally I like to talk about my day-dreaming. I mean almost everyday I will think of a new way that she will come back to me. I have thought up hundreds upon hundreds of scenarios where she comes back to me.

Listen this is the last place I thought that could help me. I don't know what to do. I can't get over her for some reason, but maybe it is that I need more time. I'm hoping that people who have experienced something like this before might be able to help me. I really don't know what to do. I couldn't tell you why she means so much to me, but she just means so much to me, and it is making me go nuts I think. I mean I'm not suicidal, and I do continue with my everyday life. I go to work, I read, I play, I hangout and other shit that I should be doing, but I can't take it not having her in my life.

Well there is my plead. I'm really seeking help.

Thank you for your time....
Legolas
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Old 07-18-03   #2
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absence makes the heart go fonder...

you have three options...

A)Talk to her
Stalk her
C)Move on

i wouldnt recommend B as its rude and somewhat illegal...
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Old 07-18-03   #3
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i have felt the way you do and it hurts feeling that way, i know.
but here is something that happened to me in my experiences when i got that person back my feelings had changed and i realized i didnt want that person anymore.
i dont know why but getting back with that person wasent the same.

do you think everything would be the same if the two of you got back together?
maybe your not ready to let go of her or maybe you just really wanted her virginity.

think about why you want her bach so badly and really think about your feelings,just consider for amoment that maybe it's not ment to be and im pretty sure that once you let her go you will most likly find some one better who makes you happier
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Old 07-18-03   #4
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Nothing will make it easier, except time. It sucks, but it's true. Try losing someone that you're truly in love with after 4+ years.
As much as you want to be with her, you cannot make it happen if she does not want it. You cannot change someone's feelings.
Even if you could force her to be with you, it's not fair or nice to her, and in the end neither of you would be happy. If you really love someone, you let them be happy, even if it means without you.
I've had to make this decision several times in my life. It never gets easier. It does get better with time though. You need to occupy yourself with something or someone so you don't constantly think about her. Find something you like, or something that you want to do, and throw yourself into it.

She gave you her answer, now you just have to accept the finality of that, and think about the future. Do NOT become a stalker and live in the past.
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Old 07-19-03   #5
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Well first thing is first, I know things wouldn't be the same in the beginning. I mean I know I'd treat her a little different at first, I'd need to get comfortable with her again, and myself being the shy one, it might take a little bit of time. Though, once we are comfortable with each other again, then I'm sure things might end up to being like they were.

Why is it that people always get back together... why can't I have that???

I'd love to see her come to my door one day and just tell me that she made a mistake, and that she realizes that she needs me in her life.

That's just one thing I'd like to see happen, there are so many other possibilities that I wish would happen, I just need one, and I just need the results to be the same, me and her together again.
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Old 07-21-03   #6
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Re: Seriously Seeking Help

Quote:
Originally posted by Legolas
Check it out, I was dating a girl for 5 and a half almost 6 months. She ended things over a month ago. Now here is the problem, I still want to be with her. I'm nowhere closer to getting over her than I was when she broke up with me, in fact I think I might want her more now than when we were together. I can tell you that I've experienced being with her, and I've experienced being without her, and I can't stand being without her.

So I don't know what to do. I've told her that I still wanted to be with her, she told me that it wasn't going to happen. Why can't I let go?

Ok here are some more info so maybe you can help me. I worked with the girl for about 4 months before going out with her. We went out a couple of times, I knew I was interested, and then I made things official. After 5 and a ?months, it being official, she broke things off telling me that she didn't feel the same way she did before. At one moment, I did feel that she was distant, but things got better in my view. Ok, so I'm still working with the girl, though we have very minimal amount of shifts together. Another thing is that I do dragon boat with her on monday and thursday's nights. So I do see her atleast twice a week.

I used to talk to her every night over the computer, and now well, I'm not talking to her because I'm trying to give her some space, but there is a big change in my life not talking to her.

Ok, I don't know if I'm holding on to the past, I don't know if I'm holding on to a future which I believed was going to happen. Also I really don't know if I want to be with her, because, and this might sound really shallow, but it might be because I wanted to take her virginity. Another thing I was maybe thinking is that maybe I'm in love with her. You see there is so much that I really don't know.

Ok I've got a lot more too. You see, I keep getting this vision of the future and I'm with her. It is just something that pops into my head from time to time, but it is nothing like when I'm day-dreaming, or dreaming. Ok when I dream about her, I know it isn't real because things are just not right. When I day-dream, which I do a whole lot of, I'll get to that later, I can cnage things from everytime I picture it, but this vision, it was just really different, and it was so realistic, like a you know something that would become a dè|?vu.

Ok finally I like to talk about my day-dreaming. I mean almost everyday I will think of a new way that she will come back to me. I have thought up hundreds upon hundreds of scenarios where she comes back to me.

Listen this is the last place I thought that could help me. I don't know what to do. I can't get over her for some reason, but maybe it is that I need more time. I'm hoping that people who have experienced something like this before might be able to help me. I really don't know what to do. I couldn't tell you why she means so much to me, but she just means so much to me, and it is making me go nuts I think. I mean I'm not suicidal, and I do continue with my everyday life. I go to work, I read, I play, I hangout and other shit that I should be doing, but I can't take it not having her in my life.

Well there is my plead. I'm really seeking help.

Thank you for your time....
Legolas
the more you dwell on her the longer itll take to get over her, just find stuff to do and keep yourself very busy, eventually you wont even remember what she looke dlike, hell it was only a 5 monther anyhow, not even enough time to get to know her very well.
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Old 07-22-03   #7
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If she wants to get back together at some point, then fine, but you do need to recognize that it will NEVER be the same. It won't necessarily be bad, might even be better, but likely would be worse. You would always have this hanging over you. There will always be the thought of how easily you could lose it all again.
My advice is definitely to move on. I also think the sex must be a big part of it, since you mentioned it. Well, she's not the only virgin out there, if that's what it is. Hell, forget the virgins and find someone who knows what they are doing. Sounds crass, but after my experiences, I am only interested in women who have their own experiences. I'm not just talking sexually, either.
If she says you won't be getting back together, then that's likely how things will be. She may change her mind, but don't hold your breath. Unless she specifically asked you to leave her alone, ignoring her and avoiding her is not good. You are only preserving a sanitized version of your relationship in your mind, and by not seeing how she treats and reacts to you you preserve the idea that with only a little time and persuasion...... If you still have a friendship, then be friends. If you don't feel you can comfortably be her friend, then never speak to her again. It's obvious in that case that you never had a friendship in the first place and were just waiting for the opportunity to break her seal.
Your daydreams are quite normal. Everyone has them, and they can be about any number of scenarios but typically revolve around recent situations. These are a way for you to develop strategies for dealing with situations that you may encounter, and studies suggest this helps. However, you are thinking about a situation that is not happening, but rather a situation you would like to occur as a result of getting your way now. Instead, meditate on what you will do next time you see her, or how you will deal with not being romantically linked with her.
And really, it's only been about a month. This is not much time at all. Neither is five, though it may seem so to you at this moment. Currently you want her more than ever because you are rationalizing things. This stage is very common, but you must realize it is false. Over the course of five months did you really develop life altering routines that are now shaken?
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Old 07-22-03   #8
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Quote:
Originally posted by Legolas
Well first thing is first, I know things wouldn't be the same in the beginning. I mean I know I'd treat her a little different at first, I'd need to get comfortable with her again, and myself being the shy one, it might take a little bit of time. Though, once we are comfortable with each other again, then I'm sure things might end up to being like they were.

Why is it that people always get back together... why can't I have that???

I'd love to see her come to my door one day and just tell me that she made a mistake, and that she realizes that she needs me in her life.

That's just one thing I'd like to see happen, there are so many other possibilities that I wish would happen, I just need one, and I just need the results to be the same, me and her together again.
taking someones virginity isnt exactly a wonderful experience... i took my girlfriends and it hurt her alot physically... it was very scary because she was crying.
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Old 07-24-03   #9
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Re: Seriously Seeking Help

Quote:
Originally posted by Legolas
Check it out, I was dating a girl for 5 and a half almost 6 months. She ended things over a month ago. Now here is the problem, I still want to be with her. I'm nowhere closer to getting over her than I was when she broke up with me, in fact I think I might want her more now than when we were together. I can tell you that I've experienced being with her, and I've experienced being without her, and I can't stand being without her.

So I don't know what to do. I've told her that I still wanted to be with her, she told me that it wasn't going to happen. Why can't I let go?

Ok here are some more info so maybe you can help me. I worked with the girl for about 4 months before going out with her. We went out a couple of times, I knew I was interested, and then I made things official. After 5 and a ½ months, it being official, she broke things off telling me that she didn't feel the same way she did before. At one moment, I did feel that she was distant, but things got better in my view. Ok, so I'm still working with the girl, though we have very minimal amount of shifts together. Another thing is that I do dragon boat with her on monday and thursday's nights. So I do see her atleast twice a week.

I used to talk to her every night over the computer, and now well, I'm not talking to her because I'm trying to give her some space, but there is a big change in my life not talking to her.

Ok, I don't know if I'm holding on to the past, I don't know if I'm holding on to a future which I believed was going to happen. Also I really don't know if I want to be with her, because, and this might sound really shallow, but it might be because I wanted to take her virginity. Another thing I was maybe thinking is that maybe I'm in love with her. You see there is so much that I really don't know.

Ok I've got a lot more too. You see, I keep getting this vision of the future and I'm with her. It is just something that pops into my head from time to time, but it is nothing like when I'm day-dreaming, or dreaming. Ok when I dream about her, I know it isn't real because things are just not right. When I day-dream, which I do a whole lot of, I'll get to that later, I can cnage things from everytime I picture it, but this vision, it was just really different, and it was so realistic, like a you know something that would become a déjà-vu.

Ok finally I like to talk about my day-dreaming. I mean almost everyday I will think of a new way that she will come back to me. I have thought up hundreds upon hundreds of scenarios where she comes back to me.

Listen this is the last place I thought that could help me. I don't know what to do. I can't get over her for some reason, but maybe it is that I need more time. I'm hoping that people who have experienced something like this before might be able to help me. I really don't know what to do. I couldn't tell you why she means so much to me, but she just means so much to me, and it is making me go nuts I think. I mean I'm not suicidal, and I do continue with my everyday life. I go to work, I read, I play, I hangout and other shit that I should be doing, but I can't take it not having her in my life.

Well there is my plead. I'm really seeking help.

Thank you for your time....
Legolas

hey I had that once and then I ended up in tha hospital ....I was wit da kid for 7 months and I was smoking pot and cutting myself and he couldn't take it.I thought he would never leave me and he did ...then tried getting with my friend.But if your g/f-b/f w/e ....wont get back with you.Be rational wit yoself....aiiight?The most you can do is talk to tha person and try to make them understand that you are still in love wit em.....good luck!
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Old 07-24-03   #10
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Re: Re: Seriously Seeking Help

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Originally posted by icp 4ever in me
hey I had that once and then I ended up in tha hospital ....I was wit da kid for 7 months and I was smoking pot and cutting myself and he couldn't take it.I thought he would never leave me and he did ...then tried getting with my friend.But if your g/f-b/f w/e ....wont get back with you.Be rational wit yoself....aiiight?The most you can do is talk to tha person and try to make them understand that you are still in love wit em.....good luck!

I find it funny that you say that I loved her. I don't even know that for sure, I've never said it to her, and she never said it to me. Though I have thought of the possibility that I might be in love with her, but I'm not sure myself.

Just thought it was weird you say that. Makes me think if anyone else thinks I might have been in love with her?

So many questions I have yet to be answered.
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Old 07-25-03   #11
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Im sorry I just assumed you loved her because I loved my ex.
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Old 07-26-03   #12
Legolas
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That's ok, I mean, I thought maybe you knew something that I didn't know.

Guess not, but it does clear things up now.

Thanks for replying again though.
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Old 08-17-03   #13
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time time time time and more time thats all you need...try to get you mind free
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Old 08-18-03   #14
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move on. take some time off to be away from her and find someone else.
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