This site is the SHIT!
http://www.whitehouse.org/administration/george.asp
With nearly thirteen years of White House experience under his belt, Executive President George H.W. Bush is proud to carry the vast wisdom and connections he amassed during his first three terms into this, the uncertain new global theatre of the 21st century.
President Bush was born June 12, 1925 in Milton, Massachusetts to parents Dorothy and future US Senator Prescott Bush. His early years were happy, all-American ones, filled with horses, nannies, and patriotic Sundays at the country club. Adolescence would see George Herbert matriculate at the prestigious Phillips Andover Academy, where he would make a reputation for himself as an accomplished baseball player, dancer, and Texan impersonator.
On his 18th birthday, George Herbert enlisted in the Navy, becoming the youngest pilot ever to receive his wings. Among his ensuing 58 combat missions against the reviled Japs was one in which he was famously shot down over the Pacific. Adrift and alone on the open sea for six days, Bush killed and ate five great white sharks with his bare hands before sneaking aboard an enemy submarine, bludgeoning the entire Godless crew to death, and taking command of the unpleasantly soy-scented vessel. He was on his way to Tokyo to ritually disembowel the Emperor when he heard the news of the atomic bombings in Hiroshima and Nagasaki which ended the war.
Returning to America a decorated war hero, President Bush wasted no time in marrying his grandmother's doppelganger, First Lady Barbara Pierce. Soon after, with his newly blushing bride engorged with child, Bush would claim his birthright to a Yale University undergraduate education. It was there, in New Haven, in the basement of a majestic ivy-covered dormitory, where Bush would be indoctrinated into the benevolent charity organization "Skull and Bones," whose members pledge on their immortal souls to help one another through life's rough spots - from failed IPO's and depressed per-barrel prices, to striking immigrant laborers and unrequited nepotism.
Rolling his sleeves up after Yale, President Bush moved to Texas and successfully hand-drilled for reliable energy sources. But wealth and privilege were not enough for the young Bush, and so in 1967 he entered the US House of Representatives. There, he excelled at striking legislative blows against communism, and disregarding the guitar-drenched whining of a rising generation of long-haired sodomites.
In 1980, impressed with Bush's wholly accurate declaration that nuclear wars are completely winnable, Ronald Reagan tapped George Herbert to join him in his ultimately victorious Presidential bid against the Ayatollah-rimming James Earl Carter. Bush would serve as Vice President from 1981 to 1989, during which time he and Reagan would reinvent America - turning an over-regulated welfare state into a corporate-friendly, tax-free wonderland, thereby saving the livelihoods of tens of dozens of affluent Children of the Revolution.
With the absolutely, positively, non-Downs-afflicted J. Danforth Quayle at his side in 1988, Bush would run election night circles around the nasal-voiced Greek dwarf Michael Dukakis, decisively winning his own first term as President of the United States. Over the next four years, Bush would both topple communism and forever guarantee the loyalty of a little-known Muslim Uncle Tom colony called "Kuwait." But despite wildly high approval ratings, Bush grew thoroughly disgusted over a recession brought on by tax and spend liberal Democrats in the Senate and House, and in 1992, President Bush voluntarily stepped down from power, declaring to his blindly partisan adversaries, "Go dig your own graves!"
Today, after 8 years of high taxes and dubious economic prosperity, Bush returns to the White House (accompanied by his enthusiastic eldest son, George), ready to tackle new challenges, including the recently-invigorated Soviet menace, and a foolhardy national preoccupation with the myth of "energy conservation." But already, with less than half his new term behind him, Bush is putting America back on track - ready to reclaim its former glory as the economically prosperous land of the brave, the free, and those who work long hours at minimum wage for the free without complaining too terribly much.
Executive President Bush is a Gemini. He likes movies, foreign policy, pink lemonade on a hot day, scolding Jewish reporters, and the philosophical tracts of Aleister Crowley.
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