the problems is, reality/society is not interested in you, but what you can do.........

Hah. Like that.



I suppose the first thing I would try to work out is why I find it so hard. Sometimes it can seem overwhelming to try and imagine if you are being perceived the way you wish, to other people. Other times it's difficult to find words or formulate sentences because your brain just stops working for a moment (seems like an hour) because it is trying to calculate every possible outcome of the situation so you won't be taken off guard, which ,of course you already are anyway. How bad is this, I'm going to recall a episode of The Brady Bunch, when Marcia had to give a public speech (many people will probably exit now) she was told to imagine everyone in their underwear. (you could maybe swap this for being naked) I always thought it was a pretty good concept as I've always had a bit of a problem with male authority figures (so I visualise them wiping their arses or picking their noses or in their wives stockings and stilettos). I've often found unjustified fear is what freezes me up.
"Our deepest fear is not that
we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful
beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness,
that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small
doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about
shrinking so that other people
won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory
of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconciously give other people
permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fears,
our presence automatically liberates
others."
- Nelson Mandela's inaugural speech, 1994 (incorrectly attributed, this quote is from A Course in Miracles-Marianne Williamson)

Now we're ants! I thought we were sheep, shit.

Then be happy in the knowledge that 'they' are always watching you...they even know how much toilet paper you use (you only have to fold it twice you know!)

Somtimes you scare me Tent.

That is probly one of the best speaches I have ever read.. and I have read a lot... lol.. fititng to considering my mood... thank you soul *hugs*... and its true... we are so afraid of ourselves that we make ourselves evan smaller... its a horrible cycle.. yet we continue to do it... anyways... .. good call

Tent... you rock lol

I hate talking about myself, but in this thread it's apt.

I spent most of my life alone. From when my family disintegrated, to my walking away from them all, to until recently when I met Hellcat... I've been alone.

I hated being alone, and could not find anyone to share myself with. Yes there were people I spent time with, spoke to, shared intimate moments with... But no one I could share all of myself with. Only pieces of me. And that hurt worst of all.

I never stopped trying though, and that lead to many problems, some of them quite painful and scarring, and each time I would think about becoming cynical and bitter, and then I'd realise how much I have to share, and how much I can give to another, and I'd swallow my ego and my pride and I would try again. And again.

And that's all you have to do. It's not the past you reflect on that changes your future, it's the future you want, and crave, that helps you shape the present into that dream.

Being alone is painful, and in some surreal way when you become used to being alone, you like it, because you know that no one can hurt you. You've already been hurt, or maybe you're just alone, and that's hurt enough for you to be scared to find someone to share yourself with. But you're reflecting on the past, and denying your future. Think about the future you want, and shape your present to become that dream.

Sure you're alone now.... But you don't have to be. It's a choice. You can choose to want that dream of happiness that's within you, and try to find someone, or you can deny it, and go on being alone.

I made my choice, and I'm glad I did. And I worry each and every day that I'll return to being alone, and each time I think about that, I think of how not to be alone, and it's all ok.

For the record? I suck at breaking the ice too. You might have noticed I'm not one to keep my opinions to myself, and my opinions are not shared by many. But that's ok. I like who I am, and what I've become enough to know the only opinion that matters to me at the end of the day is my own.

Remember the old addage? Who do you love? Answer that question, me. And make sure you love yourself every day, and you'll find someone else who'll love you too.

Protocol.

Hey Straven. Shine.

Tent is such a cool little rabbit.

Nice post Protocol. It's all about finding what works for you, eh.

And that is the most succinct way I can think of, of expressing what life is all about.

Protocol.

It's important to keep rabbits cool or they can become a fire hazard.

I agree with that speech too but it's that plus insecurities that can come together to cripple us...social confidence is perhaps one of the rarest abilities of the modern world due to societies judgemental nature increasing at the whim of the mass media. We are afraid to be ourselves so much that you can go a year without meeting a genuine person.

Too true, look what's happened in CA....reportedly several hot, cross bunnies where seen in the area before those bush fires.
Actually I've gone a whole lifetime without meeting anyone like me....and I'm not even 100%.

Genuine people can often be recognised by their tendency to be annoying and not constantly apologise for it..I like that. It promotes tolerance.

Do genuine people annoy eachother?

I'm pretty much alone. Since i'm shy on top of this. I feel even more alone. I really do get nervous around people. When some people run into me and they want to have a chat with me. I'm afraid to speak. Like i'll talk to them in my mind but my lips won't open to speak. So since i stay home alot and i really don't have any friends or a lover. I only have me and my parents. But mainly i just stay in my room and play around alot on the computer. I also feel that my life isn't as important as some other people seem to have an important life. Sometimes i just feel like i'm here for the hell of it and everyday feels like the weekend because i don't do anything but the computer. You see when i break down i have no one here to comfort me at all. It is like this for me every day. Sometimes i am very strong about it and other times i am not very strong about it. But since i'm trying to get my self to work again and to make some money and try to meet some people. I'm going to try very hard to work around my shyness and to come out of my shell more. Other times it doesn't feel so bad to be alone. Then on somedays it really hits you.

Today is day one that i haven't heard from the people at Hollywood Video that i have applied for. I'm still waiting for them to call me.

Good luck girl, that sorta job will bring you outta yourself. I'm sending positive vibes. I love movies, now since I got my NEW DVD PLAYER I can watch all the directors comments and writers notes, love that shit. Just seen American Psycho and Dancer in the Dark (Bjork, a must see). Do you like movies Shy?

I don't think being alone is so much the physical being, rather it is a mental state where you don't feel connected to anyone. Myself, I have friends, yet I feel alone because I don't really connect with anyone and my mind is always alone. I keep trying to explain this to people who ask me, but they are the physical type of people that need someone to have around them constantly. I could be at a party, and be completely alone. *shrug* Just my 2 cents.

Totally agree with you Tainted. Everyone is alone in their thoughts, that's part of being unique.

Maybe we feel totally alone in a crowd because we know no-one else is viewing the world in quite the same way.

Thank you Soulfull. Well they haven't accepted me yet at Hollywood Video or even bothered to call me. So by tomorrow i'm going to look in the phone book and then i'll call them up and ask them if they have recieved my job application. Thank you so much for your positive vibes. Yes as a matter of fact i do love movies. But i just mainly like horror films.

You see i was curious about this before. Yet when people actually have real life friends yet they still feel alone. I always didn't quit understand that one bit. But i guess people would always feel alone and it doesn't matter if they have friends or not. If i were to be at a party. I would like to have a friend to stay with me for a while untill i feel comfortable. Once when i do feel comfortable then i could be at the party by my self.