I walk upon a path between the dark and the light never fully committing myself to either. I will not lie I have practiced the dark arts on more than one occasion. I pay homage to the lady and the crown and embrace all things.

Things grab at me and drive me to insanity. I have so many questions and as soon as one is answered ten more arise. I seek help from the fair ones but they taunt me and set fire to my mind. It is their voices that drive me to mad deeds, it is their voices that tell me the answers.

At this moment I am consumed by darkness and thoughts of death. I will not commit suicide so please no good Samaritans. I have prayed for death since I was a small child. I have a great void in the depths of my soul that I cannot fill as hard as I might try. I seek something, something I can't identify. I feel acid in my stomach and a flutter in my heart when I look to the stars and see the moon, it seems what I seek is out there just beyond my grasp. I feel out of sorts and disconnected from humanity, so much that I am a man apart. It is they and I not we. I do not belong in this place. Consciousness is a disease, a painful disorder from which I cannot escape.

you too?

thinking about it this would make a good story intro..

Yes it would. I am something of a writer, so much so that even the despair of my soul isn't bad literature.

I wonder what type of malignancy of nature and soul would curse one to such a horrid state?

being confused about personal values and possibly religious beliefs.

No, I have no confusion about my values or beliefs, they do not create turmoil for me. Though they once did years ago when I first started my journey.

I suppose it is the painful awareness that accompanies all great revelations that now plagues me so. My suffrage comes from true loneliness and eternal isolation. I am damned and pleasantly blessed to forever be alone. It tis both my curse and greatest accomplishment.

You are not alone in eternal solitude...

Oh the melodrama!

Isn't that a melon liquer? .... ....don't mind me..

lol @ sybelle.

mesa likes melodrama.

I think so yes. But also the general tone in this thread. Lighten up! You sound uber-gawth

*Arches Eyebrow* Can I have some of that Melon Liquer? although Vodka Shooters would be better...

lol...I'll try to be more pleasant...lol...It's a strain but I'm a great actor. I've tried "lighting up" but have found I am incapable of it, rather I'll just not mention this again....lol

Vodka? *Drools at mouth*

Between going to school and pondering the Universal mysteries I find time to be a binge drinker. While I enjoy vodka I have recently acquired a taste for Ever Clear, for those of you who don't know your liquor it is a drink which is 190 proof...more than half your standard 80 proof vodka.

I like vodka, it serves me extremely well.

Yes, it does prove rather useful in drowning the minds turmoil and making consciousness a bit more bearable.

so is this a discussion on the darkness of drinking? What's your favorite darkness?

Jordyn, Why not whats wrong with drinking?... Besides how many times can a person post been there done that before it gets boring?

Fates~Tool, I cant lighten up either, I just laugh at anything I can... well just because its more fun than being depressed.... Ducks I blame them Ducks!!

Hey anybody drink Wormwood? I like wormwood(I can remember how to spell Absynthe so I just call it its old fashioned name)

Darkness? My favorite darkness would have to be complete hate and anger. The feeling of invincibility and murderous intention is a rather exhilarating darkness. Though psychotic anger is a good darkness I also enjoy the darkness of madness in general, nothing like yelling at the voices in my head.

I've tried Wormwood, good stuff. I have a vendetta against my liver and brain cells, therefore I have pretty much tried every drink known to man, though I can't name 1/3 of them. I guess that happens when the brain cells go..lol...As for the theme of this conversation all depressed alcoholics welcomed.

Absinthe is some nice fluid!

I like the darker sexual acts. Much fun

I enjoy biting occasionally...But I'm not to into satomacism(sp) and whipes and chains...I prefer the nicer softer stuff and the sweaty pelvis pounding animal sex.

Beltane is near, the pagan festival of fertility. Which also means the festival of wild pagan sex. Anyone interested?...lol