Poetry Club - Page 4 - Darkforum.com - Dark Stories, Dark Art, Poetry, Photography, Debates and Discussions

Mirage · 10-09-05

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vagrance

i wanna discuss pablo neruda...damn.

Who ? .. I was going to suggest .'Kubla Khan' or sonnet 19..but please enlighten me ..was thinking of that line last night ..

'So long as men can breathe or eyes to see .
So long lives this a this gives life to thee'

( don't tell me if I misquoted )

>FuckDoll< · 10-09-05

Quote:

Originally Posted by >FuckDoll<

New Poem:

******

Naked

Naked, you are simple as a hand,
smooth, earthy, small...transparent, round.
You have moon lines and apple paths;
Naked, you are slender as the wheat.

Naked, Cuban blue midnight is your color,
Naked, I trace the stars and vines in your hair;
Naked, you are spacious and yellow
As a summer's wholeness in a golden church.

Naked, you are tiny as your fingernail;
Subtle and curved in the rose-colored dawn
And you withdraw to the underground world

As if down a long tunnel of clothing and of chores:
your clear light dims, gets dressed, drops its leaves,
And becomes a naked hand again.

-by Pablo Neruda

there.

Mirage · 10-09-05

Yes I read that ..Don't you think this looks like a peice of bad translation..It's so stilted and awkward in places. It just screams 'translation' ..

Vagrance · 10-09-05

mmmmm....tasty

Vagrance · 10-09-05

perhaps...*strokes chin*

Mirage · 10-09-05

Well I could be wrong ..just struck me that way when I read it ..
* scratches head, waves hand, makes rude gesture at passing motorist *

Vagrance · 10-09-05

"Naked, you are spacious and yellow
As a summer's wholeness in a golden church."

especially there... but i think the feel of the piece is not affected too badly by it...hmmm... something to ponder.

Mirage · 10-09-05

* passing motorist runs his Karma over my Dogma &%@#**

Yes ..very awkward there ..

Vagrance · 10-09-05

my love....you are as wide as a church and twice as fragrant...

Mirage · 10-09-05

My love ...Yau are as slender as rose coloured dawn ..in my naked hand.

..Your right,.. we could do alot worse.

Vagrance · 10-09-05

...dressed naked in the morning dew of apple roads and nudist hue...

Mirage · 10-09-05

And on this fragrant farm of ripe incessant soil .
I turn once again to loves long lamented toil

Quothed the Raven ...

Vagrance · 10-09-05

Shrouded cast-off sordid songs...of what is and what was, and wanting longs...

Mirage · 10-09-05

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vagrance

Shrouded cast-off sordid songs...of what is and what was, and wanting longs...

Of shrouds and funeral durge for one so lost in bitter words ( all strewn.)
She lies on sordid hotel bed and weaves her web on a lap-top loom.

tapperty trap..

Vagrance · 10-09-05

Holy snake...my goodness!.. coiled
...
Prurient fools her anger boils

Mirage · 10-09-05

Stand back lest her boils, boil over ...sour pus..

BTW .. Where did that Raven go .. where he went nobody no..se.

Vagrance · 10-09-05

nevermore.... i suppose

Mirage · 10-10-05

We can but hope against hope ..
Where's the next poem .. can we nominate ?..

>FuckDoll< · 10-10-05

Of course.

lintu26 · 10-10-05

sadly but truly it does not attract my better half. it sounds as if it was meant to be in a much better languge then english.