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Join Date: May 2001 Location: The Mesa... pondering redemption | I hate being angry... -
02-14-05
I just want to calm the fuck down and be left the fuck alone... but every little thing and every little aspect of the people around me are driving me fucking NUTS... well, more so than usual, anyway. 
___Nick_the_Rogue___
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"But this is America, where we unapologetically bastardize other countries' cultures in a gross quest for moral and military supremacy." L.G. | |
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02-14-05
Shave you head and put on an orange robe. Sit on a mountain. Breathe.
Or, go get a really big weapon....
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| | | which one, though?
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02-14-05
no, i'm not going postal, no matter how much the idea might be please in the imagination...
but i do not have the means or desire to go buddist... i just want what i want and the world is not complying today.
___Nick_the_Rogue___
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"But this is America, where we unapologetically bastardize other countries' cultures in a gross quest for moral and military supremacy." L.G. | |
| | | Naugty LiL Kitty
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02-14-05
if you become a buddist no sex and no meat for you. You can't make it
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| | | which one, though?
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02-14-05
point, onineko... but, as i said above, i wasn't planning on going buddist.
___Nick_the_Rogue___
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"But this is America, where we unapologetically bastardize other countries' cultures in a gross quest for moral and military supremacy." L.G. | |
| | | fucking jackass
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02-14-05
You know what really pisses me off? When I don't have anything to bitch about! God Damn I hate that! | |
| | | is an acrobatic hamster!
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02-14-05
Quote: |
Originally Posted by Synikul You know what really pisses me off? When I don't have anything to bitch about! God Damn I hate that! | Oh come on...there must be something...athlete's foot? Noisey neighbour? Uncomfortable underwear?
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| | | Naugty LiL Kitty
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02-14-05
Quote: |
Originally Posted by Synikul You know what really pisses me off? When I don't have anything to bitch about! God Damn I hate that! |
errr get baby piss in your hands 
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| | | Naugty LiL Kitty
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02-14-05
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Originally Posted by errantrogue point, onineko... but, as i said above, i wasn't planning on going buddist. |
You are just moody go see a shrink or school counselor
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| | | N/A
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02-14-05
i'm having the same problem today. if one more motherfucker does his/her job wrong and makes me fix it, i'm going to start skinning people, and selling the skin to poor people for super-cheap, to use as blankets. | |
| | | Dark Misanthrope
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02-14-05
Quote: |
Originally Posted by evilkitty errr get baby piss in your hands | LMAO!!
I felt like that earlier at work.. thankfully I'm done for the day.
Know what I do when I get like that though? beat up a matress really really violently. No-one get's hurt, and you're too knackered to care anyway. | |
| | | which one, though?
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02-14-05
grr... i was typing earlier looking for a short story to vent my rage in... this is what I came up with: Quote:
There’s something to be said of being angry.
Perhaps that’s not the word, though. Maybe a better word for it would be unhappy, down, or otherwise not content with the state of the world or of being in it. I suppose that’s it. I’m not happy… with either.
I suppose this is a trough.
According to theory, people go through phases in mood, highs and lows. In extremes they call it mania and depression. In theory, these phases are generally normal unless they become detrimental.
Dammit.
I suppose that it’s just my time. I was happier than normal for quite a few days; a few misgivings concerning life and love, but nothing to get bent out of shape over. Especially with plenty of people to keep me company and going.
It was Saturday that things started taking a down turn. Well, that’s not entirely true. Friday was an interesting mix of good and bad. Had a wonderful conversation (or series of conversations) that lasted through lunch and pretty much the entire afternoon… that was groovy. Of course, only a few minutes before that, I had made the cowardly mistake of going looking for someone and not looking hard enough, leaving after only a few moments. After that great conversation, I made it a point to email the person I failed in seeing and made a further fool of myself… not so groovy.
Then came Saturday.
Lots of annoying people at work. Perhaps it was just my mood influencing how I saw customers. It’s possible, even probable, but the fact remains that I was heavily annoyed. On top of that, no movie night with friends, which is near standard Saturday evening fare. I suppose I could handle that, with a mild downer or even a neutral disposition… especially since said friends were planning on making it up to me the next day.
So I leave work and pick up a few books (good thing) then proceed to finish them in the span of an hour or two and lose the savor as they were over too quickly and contained subject matter that I desire for myself so strongly yet do not seem to be in a position to appreciate or experience. Long sentence short: I was dazzled by love stories and am lamenting my own lack thereof.
Sunday.
Friends were sick so I made them soup. I admit that I’ve never done that before so I didn’t know how to gauge their reactions. All of the time from conception to creation to implementation, I was worried about why I was doing this thing. Was I doing it for their approval, was I doing it simply to make them feel better, was I doing it out of boredom? All of the above? In any case, I got it there safely, put it on the stove, felt a little insulted over a comment referring to me as “girly,” and left for a movie.
It was an alright movie, nothing special or anything. There was little chitchat as a third of the trio was voiceless, another third was off doing their own thing, and the final third was not on my good-side due to the aforementioned comment. The movie ended, a few sparse comments were made, and we parted ways.
A little bit of a letdown, really… a lotabit of a letdown. I went home and tried to bury myself in things meant to distract me. It worked for a while, but once I found myself to be alone again, I couldn’t stop feeling off. Sleep was the only escape.
For a while.
Monday came slowly out of the haze of dreams; dreams that I could not remember upon the moment of consciousness. I hallucinated while in a half-dream state, fed my cat, and drove to work. I got an email from one of my friends thanking me for the soup, but I felt tainted by the fact that I was obsessing over it. Midway through the morning I saw and, once again, felt the fool in front of the person I was looking for on Friday. Barely an hour later, I couldn’t stop being an asshole when I saw them again.
Here I am wallowing in the middle of the afternoon, wanting to destroy the world as an idle gesture and wanting to cry (sacrificing another slice of my wavering masculinity). It’s a bad day.
On top of all that, this bad day is also Valentine’s Day, but I’m trying not to let that get to me.
1:39PM
2/14/05
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___Nick_the_Rogue___
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"But this is America, where we unapologetically bastardize other countries' cultures in a gross quest for moral and military supremacy." L.G.
Last edited by errantrogue : 02-14-05 at 18:54.
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02-14-05
"short story" | |
| | | which one, though?
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02-14-05
i write fiction... this started as fiction in the first line and ended up being a personal narrative.
___Nick_the_Rogue___
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"But this is America, where we unapologetically bastardize other countries' cultures in a gross quest for moral and military supremacy." L.G. | |
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02-14-05
Usually I could empathise but I'm feeling 'zen' this morning. Or maybe it's just dopiness from being up at 5:15.
A golden energy
Was rising out of my head
I shed my evil skin
And found myself again
I was wrong, I don't mind
The impossible seems possible
This time I'm an electric wire
If the sun can radiate then so can I
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| | | Voice of Unerring Reason
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02-15-05
I'm trying to go to the other way
awakened enlightnement thorugh wrathful overindulgence.
You never know........
I'm the Baddist monk of kicking ass!
Neon
"I've oft been told by learned friars
That wishing and the crime were one
And heaven punishes desires
As much as if the deed were done.
If wishing damns us, you and I
Are damned to all our hearts content.
Come then we may at least enjoy
Some pleasure for our punishment..."
Sir Thomas More | |
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02-15-05
I totally know what you mean. Sometimes I get extremely annoyed with people for no real reason and end up acting like a jerk. I always end up regretting it later though. No one likes a jerk. | |
| | | fuck off
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02-15-05
Quote: |
Originally Posted by errantrogue I just want to calm the fuck down and be left the fuck alone... but every little thing and every little aspect of the people around me are driving me fucking NUTS... well, more so than usual, anyway. | drive out into the country side/park and get away from people. otherwise get over it and stop whining.
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jesus wants his fucking whistle. | |
| | | Soi.
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02-15-05
The trick is to keep breathing...
I want to live in a world of peace
Without conflict, like the one I’ve seen in my dreams.
I just can’t keep it inside
I’ve gotta say what I wanna say
Your face doesn’t show your fighting pose. | |
| | | which one, though?
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02-15-05
stop channeling Shirley Manson...
___Nick_the_Rogue___
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"But this is America, where we unapologetically bastardize other countries' cultures in a gross quest for moral and military supremacy." L.G. | |
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