What do you do when your entire life is disconnected... is there anything to be done? Especially when you don't want to do anything?

Let me explain... I recently volunteered to help a friend/mentor on a trip to a cultural festival. Let's just say it was entirely out of my normal realm of experience. I felt at odds with the people around me, almost confrontational. Their beliefs, their attitudes, etc.... all foreign to me and my mind set.

I was disconnected. Well, more so that usual.

They say that no man is an island... and that may be true, from a metaphorical standpoint... there is no such thing as a state of nature for social beings such as ourselves, but there is definitly a state of being, perhaps more so in our society, of Closed Off Man (no relation to Pilt-Down).

I'm digressing.

I was disconnected. I was more alone that usual, trapped (by choice, perhaps not knowin what I signed on for) in an unfamiliar and unfriendly place. I felt horrible, both for these people (as I pretty much destested their various messages) and for us all (as I had no way in my social set to connect with them).

But that was just the catalyst for me to look at my life in general. I realized that after this trip, I didn't really know my friend/mentor... that who I thought they were was really only a series of assumptions on my part based on the severely limited framework of our interpersonal communications concerning fiction and fiction writing.

I feel I was naive. Hell, I am naive... but it makes me sad. The assumptions that I made were erroneous and I am really no more connected to my life with these people than I was with those at this cultural festival.

It makes me sad...

I do not wish to change who I am, the essence of what I am, in order to better know these particular people (or this particular person) or find myself higher in their esteem... despite the fact that I wish I really were higher in said esteem.

Hum... is there a question here? I do not know. All I know is that this past weekend has made me sad for a new reason (as I am a generally morose person anyway) and see nothing that can be done about it that I am willing to undertake.

The story of my life... I am so unwilling to change myself that most deep, meaningful human contact suffers...

...




...

*sigh*

Nope, there wasn't a question in there. Sounds to me like you just met some douchebags, and discovered that a person wasn't who you thought he was. That happens every day... I just went through the same thing myself, concerning a friend of mine; while it sucks, it doesn't mean you have to change anything. It falls under the "shit happens" rule of the universe. Just suck it up and move on. Not everybody is going to disappoint your morose self. I personally hate your guts, but I'm a dick. There are cooler people all over the place. Buck up, son.

In a nut-shell, you didn't 'click' but you wanted to? I say - fuck em, don't change who are you are to try and get along with someone you hold in (high esteem)?

1. they're going to find out what you're like when you're not trying to impress them.

2. They aren't worth impressing.

3. I forgot number 3.

4. Fuck it

i say "fuck it" when it comes to people far too often...

Nothing wrong with that.. if you're thinking that anyway, then they probably aren't worth your time in the first place.

then there is conflict... i still want, at the very least, THIS person to be worth my time... and vice versa. it is so hard to find people to talk to in this area. i do not wish to lost another one.

You want them to like you? and they want you to like them? yet you don't? Not gonna work babe. Sorry.

i have no idea how they feel... so that side is fogged.

as for my own part, i still want to enjoy the company, advice, and insite of this person... i just am trying to assimilate this new information that doesn't sit right with my system.

Hmm, the saying "when in rome" comes to mind...

Apparently you learned something from this. Look at that and proceed forward! I have been in similar situations before. Ask them questions about their beliefs(as you put it) so you better understand how they 'tick'.

You must bend with the wind, or break.

That statement is used in more ways that one may think..

then i will surely break... for i am very obstinate.

Then You are the one that needs to learn how to bend..

Bending can be fun, but not when you hear your spine crack and realise you can't stand straight anymore.

People are funny.
You think you know them, then realise you don't, not at all.
Or you do know them, but something suddenly becomes a massive barrier between you and you wish you didn't know them because you can't overcome the barrier.