Yes, kids. It's Soul Erosion REAL LIFE story time again.

So I went to dinner with The Mother. She'd gone to some kinda church party and she won the fabulous door prize; $15.00 off any meal at any Marie Callender's location. She insisted that we eat there, despite my telling her that everyone online said it blew.

Our host was also our waiter, kinda odd. The music sucked in the place. There was a crying half chink baby behind me and The Mother kept telling me to "Turn around and look at him! Isn't he cute?!" I ordered the shrimp and steak with asparagus. I'm a visual person, so I ordered the picture. I counted ten shrimp in the picture and planned on throwing a fit when my ten shrimp were not brought to me, claiming false advertisement and lost dreams. My order arrived and was steak, tiny and well done, shrimp fried and 4, baked potato with SOUR CREAM on it, and mixed vegetables.

It didn't look anything like the picture. Why? Because IT WASN'T the picture. This fucking clown of a host, waiter, server, illegal alien, wetback, son of a bitch had brought me the wrong god damn order. So what did I say to the manager when she came by and asked if everything was ok? With a mouth full of food, I just nodded. Fuck it. Why cause touble?

The Mother didn't even like her salad, which was atopped with hordes of those cracker things that you put in egg drop soup. We had a plate between us, picking at our food and depositing the waste in the middle.

Even though she's well over 50, The Mother has braces. I guess she figures since she's such an independant woman and has the cash, she can do whatever she wants no matter how late in life. After dinner and much effort in trying not to yack it back up, she began to remove sharp pointy objects from her purse and pick shit outta her teeth. I got to sit between her doing that and the brat of a child behind me still bawling for god knows what fucking reason.

After The Mother was done picking through her teeth, she reached into her purse and removed a pill. "What's that for?" I asked. "It looks like a horse pill. It's huge."

"Well I suppose I can tell you now." And for some odd reason, I had an inkling as to what was coming next, but wasn't really quite prepared for the package it came in. "These pills are for fever blisters. Your father gave me a mild case of herpes. There's two kinds of herpes, above the waist and below the waist and your father gave me a mild case of it." I really wasn't surprised and it didn't even phase me until the next thing came out of her mouth. "I mean...his cases are so mild that he doesn't even know when he gets breakouts. I mean..he was never really all that sensitive down there anyway. AH...aw...sorry..sorry...you didn't want to know that about your father." And she repeated that until she had her jacket on and I was fully sickened.




Thanks for dinner, mom.

Haha. Oh man. Your mom reminds me of Pyrric's mom.

You don't know the half of it. The Mother is revered by all my friends as a cardboard cut out for a "friendly psycho." I could tell you the simple layout of our house and you would agree. She'll be gone in a month at least. Then the hooka can come out.

so are ya gonna eat there again

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.

might have sucked but i'm sure you're not going to forget that night

awe, memories...........

wait, you guys read all that?

hahaha... shit. That sounds like something that be on a Kevin Smith movie. Sorry about the bad dinner experience, man. I didn't know there were any restuarants that had asparugus as a side veggie? You must live somewhere besides the south.

texass

My mother used to say things like "DOn't wear tights under yer jeans.... You'll get diseases". Make me shave her armpits when she was in the bath. She would mix peas and beans togeather and declare that a "really nice meal so eat it all up." I miss her. I remember once, there was this workman renovating the houses on our street and my mother had this major crush on him. She asked him if he wanted anything and he said he would love a "Ham shank" (Ham shank is cockney slang for "Wank") So my mother went out and bought a huge ham shank, cooked it and then handed it to him... lol My mother rocked!!! God rest her soul. lol

sounded really cool. the tights and jeans thing must be british, hahaha.

She was the best. She used to just say things like that because she was a little insane... In a good way... I remember Peter meeting her for the first time, all she really said was "Hes nice" and feel his ass all the time. She was the only woman I knew that would go to see the doctor at the age of 49 and ask if she could have anymore kids because she really wanted another one. This is after she went through menopause...lol My mother was the greatest... Just ask Peter...

My uncle has herpes. He got em on Spring Break in the Seventies. He doesn't know that tI know, though. Muhahahahah. And his herpe-ridden wife doesn't know that I know, either. Muhahahahah. And their little herpe offspring don't know that they are tainted. Muhahahahaha.

you sick fiend. thats pretty funny.

Bahahahahahaha!

Actually...if you wear tights you can get yeast infections.

If you wear no underwear, you can get a yeast infection.

If you don't wear COTTON panties for a long time, you can get a yeast infection.

If you wear nothing but thongs, you can get a yeast infection.

If you wear tight underwear/pants/or anything that chafes, you can get a yeast infection.

If you don't douche enough, you can get a yeast infection.

If you douche too much, you can get a yeast infection.

If you don't peepee after sex you get what is called "Honey Moon Syndrome." Which is actually a yeast infection.



My doc tells me I'm sensitive so I get them all the time if I don't take care of it everyday. I have the cleanest pussy in the world.

These two are my trouble areas

If you don't mix your substrate right and don't boil it for the full hour before you inject your spores, your shrooms can get a yeast infection.

I've never had a yeast infection.

My mother has a habit of not wearing panties. And she thinks it's insanely funny to pull up her dress and show people.

She probably has yeasties.