my family keeps picking fights with me and i dont get any attention AND i'm bored and i can't get more piercings until im 21 and i cant dye my hair !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

whoa. Archangel? long time .. still going, huh?

and to add to this bitchiness.. It's freezing!

meh, I can't bitch right.

Today I was thinking about things of the past that never seem to go away. Sitting at the library I was reading Artists and Enemies as I wait for the computer to come free. Then everyone left, but long behold my reservation for the thing made it so I had to wait 5 minutes to log on finally.

Well anyway, earlier I posted something about a Monique Dirkson on the Internet. I feel I should say something more. Though things have been hard for me personally I find it hard to just let it go.

We didn't know eachother very long or very well. She had many problems in school and I wonder if she graduated. After an incident similar to my own, she would constantly run away from home. I always wondered why, then one day she told me. Her Older Brother had taken her to a party where she had gotten in trouble. I could see the trust barriers went up after that. She didn't feel safe anywhere why not live on the street.

Often her parents would even go so far as accusing her of being a hooker. It was rude. They buy her nice stuff when she got back and when she got back she call me up again. It was an odd thing. I could kind-of relate to why she always ran away, but I always felt more protected at home.

She was very beautiful. She had long blond hair. We even did our hair kind-of alike. Long with curled bangs in front. She always curled her hair more and wore make-up. I guess I was more plain. One day I explained it to her and she relaxed some too. I just didn't like getting hit on all the time and I wasn't even blond. I like more comfortable clothes too.

Well things had always been indifferent. We were friends, but I would wften hide things and lie. Even when she was nice it was hard to respect her. She couldn't protect me, she couldn't protect herself. I looked down on her a lot.

Even when she told me a guy she lived with when she ran away from home had hit her, I thought she was pathetic. I had talked to other run aways before. They people that so-called loved them would beat them and yell at them daily. My friends just put up with it for a cell phone and a car. It was low, but I was a little clouded.

After I first stopped talking to her I would bitch about her but only in public when someone I knew, knew her was there. It sparked the hatred in me. I learned to control it and not say anything at all at any time. Lately I have seen her here and there. Once on the side of the road. It looked like her car stalled and once when in the library. She was just sitting there. It was in Austin. Actually, it was twice. Once in a black wig and once looking like normal.

Anyway, after reading my book my rant became more of a getting stuff off my chest. It still pisses me off more than anything when she told me to start calling her a virgin after I got rapped and guys at the club were approaching me like they thought I was a protitute. Guess there is no winning:

Your a virgin and I'm the Queen Mary!!!!

You want to know what pisses me off, even beyond the Bitch Board getting turned into Happy Get to Know you Time. I'll tell you.

When some one who has done absolutely nothing with their life is doing better than I am. Some one who never graduated from high school has a nicer car, doesn't have to work peice of sh*t living off someone's sympathy when I have to work over-time and have been so close to getting evicted in the last year I don't even know what to do with myself.

I graduated high school two years later than normal because of all this bullsh*t. I had to pull myself up from nothing and for the most part I think Everyone was waiting for me to fall on my face, because I decided to stay home. After enrolling in a college I got a legitamate diploma and then I had to work full time while going to school. I essentially had to pay to graduate from public school with my own freaking pay check that I had to earn. Later on I was able to finally afford my own apartment, and some peice of sh*t that was faking that he was insane was bitching about having to go to a psychologist's office once a week. I have rent, and living costs too, plus the bastard made more money than I did. The shear and blanant moronicness of him asking a freaking high school drop out for money when I think the poor shelp was selling his ass for the couple of dollars in his pants made me just about loose it!

You people that think you are homeless when you have some sucker paying your bills for you can cry me a river. I don't give a rats ass when your biggest problem everyday is doing your hair and shopping. You make me sick. When you actually become homeless you can recieve charity at the homeless shelter that I give money to for the people who actually fucking need it.


Why don't you cut yourself down from your fucking cross? And don't ask me for sh*t because I have the crossbow and it's got your name on it.

I will feel sorry when there is something to feel sorry for!!!!

-i've got a great job.
-i've got a nice car and a nice new truck.
-i've never been evicted or close to it.
-i've never lived off of sympathy.

cry me a river now, bitch.

Alright, I'm crying. I hope you actually worked for it. You in school or graduated?

graduated.

keep crying.

Wait a minute. Who paid your way through college?

damn..

where are the donations?!?!

Yeagh, It's really sad huh?

what do you mean who? i paid my way through college.

open your mouth and i'll make a donation.

It could be leading to an insult. I might not be leading to an insult. I know you love to make it easy for me, so just play along.

You know your awfully friendly with Gargoyle.

I HATE SOUTH AFRICA !!!!! It's so WARM here and the people here are a bunch of *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep* and *beep* and they all suck !!!!

i hate raising a boy i claim to be my own for 8 years and suddenly his biological mother wants to be more involved and in charge of things the reason why is the fucking bitch alway's lets him down. i get all of his hurt all of his pain all of his anger all of his games when it finally comes her weekend she will give him anything he wants so he will have fun and be happy. i get the biggest hardest job...raising a special needs chemically embalanced boy. i go to all the appointment follow as many of the guidelines as i can consistancy in life and disipline and i hate the fact she keeps fucking his mind up worse. i hate she try's to control my husband. why the fuck don't either one of them get it? if i didn't love him like my own i would have hit the road along time ago. i hate not knowing how to bring things together i hate hitting my head on the wall it hurts i've tried everything i know how sink or swim how will the story end

... Hi BEANIE !!!

I hate not knowing

I hate people who fuck around with my feelings

My lip is still bleeding from last night