wow i spelled that right? i was only guessing on how it should be spelled. guess i don't really have to depend on the dictionary that much for spell check. but i'll still keep it around just incase. no i don't have a thyroid problem and i'm glad for that and yes you did tell me *hugs back*

ok yeah sure i'll be up for it this weekend.

well i feel like going out to a bar sometime. i'll call up my brother and see what he is up to and if he has time off for anything. if he is interested then him and i can go to the bar together. he can even invite some of his other friends if he wants to. because i feel the need to have everyone and i celebrate about my health and that is something to celebrate about. then i'll let my brother know why we are having a get together. because there is nothing wrong with me and i'm perfectly fine and that i just want to celebrate for being healthy. that is a dam good thing to celebrate about... have a few beers, talk about bullshit, and have a fun time. then since i feel none worried and i'm just in an ok mood.. i've picked up my room for once and finally. whenever i'm not going through a good time then you'll see through my enviornment. then if i'm happy you can see that to with my enviornment.

well i finished watching a show called "six feet under" right after when that show was over. i turned off my television and i had no music on. so all i did was rest on the floor on top of my blew pillow. feeling kind of dazed and looking up at the cieling. not doing a fucking thing. so i snapped out of where ever it was that i went off to inside of my head and decided to come on here. just to check and see if anything else has been going on or what else has been said and i finally turned on some music. mainly i'm just listening to the 50's is all for music. i'm still drifting off into a daze here. i swear after that show i get into a weird mood. funny how some show can make you feel that way. you want to know something odd? i guess i kind of liked it when i had my room all messed up. not totally true though. because my room feels naked. whatever that is sappossed to mean and that it doesn't even feel like a room anymore. i'm not even tired and the time is only 9:25PM. i'm feeling seriously strange tonight. not in a bad kind of a strange but a good one.

forgive me for wrighting so much. i think i should make a warning that i tend to wright more then just one entry a day. you read what you want to read and you don't have to read EVERYTHING that i wright. but if you are the kind of person that does like to read everything that i wright.. then i fucking salute you for it. hopefully it doesn't give you a headach though. because i have alot of advil instored for you because i'm so thoughtfull. yeah my heart burns there to. actually i don't really know where to begin and of course everyone is like that. nobody does really know how to start there own thought. while they have it down pretty well inside of there own head to begin with. nobody knows on most days how to exert after there own thoughts when it would come to wrighting it down. that is such a pain in the fucking ass. it is such a pain in the ass that you feel as though you want a doctor to surgically cut your head with a scalpel while your drugged out but still awake and your seeing everything that the doctor is doing and knowing which tool they are using and what they are saying when they are doing an operation. from there the doctor can be able to reach inside of your head and pull out your own thought and place it for you in a silver tray. as they begin to put your head back together and sow it back up with stitches. then when you wake up you can look at that tray and exame your own thought. i think i watch way too many horror movies but hey i grew up with them. i've been watching horror movies ever since i was at the age of 4 and know i'm 24 almost turning 25 this year. i still keep up with them till this very day. thats how long i've been married to horror films. i think that should be known as horror movies and wife. anyway why do we do what we do and set our selves up for something that really isn't a use to set our selves up for to begin with? i mean if you can't get something that you want you are never going to get it. while that isn't seriously true. because most people can seriously get what they want while most people can't. what is the point on having to fight for it? it doesn't have anything to do with doubt at all.. because deep down inside you just automatically know and can be able to predict it. but what if and i'm just saying what if that prediction can be full of crap? i remember someone saying all ways expect the worse cause things won't always be as they seem for it to be. that is kind of true and not really so true. cause you can expect for the worse and it will be worse. while if you expect for the worse it won't be worse. you mainly have a split chance for half and half. i mean why not let something come to you when it wants to come to you? because that can happen to. not all the time but when your not expecting. while not even with that one... because it can either happen or it won't whenever something like would happen. with me pretty much all of that has happened to me and i've had alot of experiences with all of it. still those kind of experiences do happen as a matter of fact.

its like as if we don't want to accept that fact. we just like to keep on diluting our selves with whatever kind of trama that people deal with and never want to see into the truth within it while all of us know twhat the real truth. mainly we just don't like get hurt and so we choose to stay diluted and pretend and keep our hopes up. liking to believe that its all ok. i mean if you are happy that way then you are happy that way. if you are not happy then you should do something about it and not be diluted. other people visualize stuff that would go on around you and they will know that you might not probably know about. but you do anyway deep down inside but choose not to accept it mainly all... those people aren't diluting.. they just see the fact and truth and burst open that plastic bubble which you are in. there are some people that will do that only because they care, some people do it because they get off on it, and some people do it just to do it.

if i were to say that you are a diluted person. would that physically insult you? if that has insulted you then maybe its true and that you are diluted. but if you looked at me and laugh and told me to get out of town. then you are not a deluted person.

besides i don't think that does make any fucking difference once so ever. because we are what we are and there is nothing out there that can ever possibly change that to take its course. there is nothing wrong with me and there is nothing wrong with you because we are just people. people do what people.

so why do we do what we do when something may not turn out to what we want it to be?

Hehe I read everything. I'm snoopy. I just seem to want to know anything and everything. I don't know why. I hear it once and it's gone. Oh well I guess I'm diluted. Yay, I'm diluted!

*cries*

Thank God.

We do what we do because we hope it will turn out to what we want to be. And if we don't do it, we will never know.

Thank you for saying what I was thinking in my mind but couldn't get it out. That's exactly what I wanted to say.

to edge your exactly right and yes i'm doing very good. thank you edge

haha to fallen i'm glad you like to read everything that i wright and i don't mind you being snoopy at all. i'm glad i got this out for you when you couldn't. amazing how something like that can actually happen.. you don't have to put your own thoughts down because someone out there can mainly put it down for you. still that is weird how that can happen but at the sametime its just cool.

Fabulous!!! Glad you're ok, and low cholesterol shouldn't be too hard to solve babes

btw Kendra - have you ever watched Lilo and Stitch? cos you remind me of Lilo ( this is a good thing)

yes you are right that isn't a hard thing to solve.

haha nope i have not watched Lilo and stich hahaha. but since you mentioned that i remind you of Lilo then i'll watch it.

She's cool, I hope to god you agree or you'll hate me for saying it!

haha nah i could never hate you. because you don't ever give me a reason to

i'll watch it sometime.

ok you've said i'm like lilo from lilo and stitch.

edge said i'm like that girl from the 5th element. the one with the red hair.. i think her name is leelo because we are the same with our personallity. i'll have to give that one a watch as well. edge told me that along time ago

Edge is right, you are like the girl from 5th element too. She has an innocence about her, but is really intelligent at the same time, she questions everything, something that I admire about you.

maybe i should have her as an avatar.

You know, I actually said that too a while ago on a previous journal of Kendra's...lol