horsing around (isn't going out to anybody) 6/12/2005
take that... and that... and that... and that... and that... and that... and that...and that...

and that... and that... and that... and that... and that... and that.... and this...

and this...

and this... and this... and more of this and more of that... and that... and that... and SO totally that... and SO totally this...

take "this" and take "that" and shove it up your rectum....

take this and that and more of that... untill i run out of take this and take that to say....

HAHAHA!!

i'm not even in a bad mood though... its like 1:38AM in the morning and i made an entry full of "take that and take this"

man i crank my self up *giggles*

anyway if you feel like doing this to for the hell and fun of it... please feel free do so!

but really i'm in a good mood right now

except i should really get some sleep though.... well take care of your self...

take this *hugs*

and take that *kisses*

boo-ya's!!!

i'm listening to iron maiden "the number of the beast" its cranked up...

well my friend hasn't called me back at all yesterday and the time now is ony 1:59PM... i don't think she will be calling me at all today. but that is ok i would rather stay home then be around a bunch of people who want to get stoned.
like i said i want to be anti-social....
i have never met so many new people in my life that like to do nothing but drugs... i have never met one single person that is like me who doesn't like to do that shit. so could you blame me for being an anti-social?
well with my anti-social day at the house... i was really upset about everything i've been talking about in here... since i was really upset and angry i decided to let some of that agression out... i listened to skid row "psycko therapy" over and over and over really fucking loud as all hell while on television i watched reno 911 all at the sametime.... i didn't have the sound off of my TV i had that just as loud as my stereo. then watching reno 911 i was feeling better about my self. so that show cheered me up and i've never seen it before... but i liked what i saw from that show and that show made me feel sick, better, cheered up, throwing up, shocked and it made me laugh... it made me feel all of those things all at once...
so that is what i did on kendra's anti social day. which was why i was so hyper at 1:38AM in the morning.

i've decided that i'm not going to do anything about my friend carly. i figured that she will call me when she does want to call me... untill when she does call me i don't want to hear this "kendra how come you've stopped calling me?"
while i'm not the one who've stopped calling she was the one who've stopped. i don't want that finger being pointed at me. when she does decide that she does want to hang out with me again and she will call me whenever she is up for it..
when she does call me i'll throw in the "carly how come you don't call as much as you did before and have i been doing something wrong?" you know things like that.... then i'll sit here and listen to what she will have to say... i'll make sure to get her from word by word and make sure that her story doesn't change. if the story does change right away. i'll know that lying is setting foot on grounds.... then i'll realize that she isn't interested in being my friend.. something is going on i just don't understand what it is.

my family and i both like carly alot. heck i've been her friend for 10 years ever since midlde school and high school.
we've known each other for that long and my family knows about her family. because my brother matt was an acquaintance with someone who was a roommate to carly's brother name noah who lived up in austin.. carly's brother is really into the drugs.. he would throw a big party and have a bunch of drugs everywhere and there would be dealing going on at the party as well...

once when my brother matt was there at the party with a friend... both him and his friend got the hell out of there and left.

so i'm sappossing that since carly's brother does alot of drugs... i'm pretty sure that is where she is getting it from. she is getting this habbit from her brother noah... which is a very bad thing indeed.. because carly she is a half decent girl and she does of course have a job...

what carly has for a job is that she is a real-estate agent and she sells homes for a living and she does get paid really good money for it.

what i'm saying here is that eventhough she has been my friend for 10 years. i don't want to throw away the friendship because of what she does... you know with the smoking pot and getting messed up on other shit.

i don't want to hang out with the people that she has... because of what they do and how she will do it with them...

so i'll try and show her different types of lifestyles and go to a movie place and rent videos.... a friend of mine told me that i should get her to watch these movies such as "requiem for a dream AND 51 grams"
movie about drugs.... when i'll watch those movies with her i don't want her to say this "oh kendra i'm fine and i know what i'm doing. you don't have to worry about me."


then i'll have her do some activity things with me like how we used to do...

i can't sit here and watch her get all fucked up...because she is a smart girl and she doesn't need it. but like i said i'm going to drop this for now.... i won't bother her untill she does decide to bother me first.

so yes i don't want to hang out with her friends... that would mean i want to get rid of them and not hang around them... but i want to keep her though.

or i'll never have to worry about anything at all. just let it be the way that it is.... she put her self in that place... i hate how i'm saying this... but i'm not god and i can't play god... i'm not a fucking superhero like spiderman, batt man, or even super man for that matter....

sometimes things have to stay the way they are. when something bad will happen then they would wake up and go "oh my god."
i realize that i need to stop the shit i'm doing. because its really going to fuck me the hell up one day. to where there would be nothing that anybody can do about it.

fuck i don't fucking know.......


you know i've been realizing that people who don't do drugs... i've been feeling as though i want to reach out to them and tell them how i feel.. eventhough i don't know why... but edge said it was because "they are like me. they don't do that stuff."

except i wouldn't know how to open up my heart like to them.... on how happy i am they don't do that... and its not only for that reason... its many other reasons when it would come to this.. wish i could describe it more. but i don't know how to describe it....

so i don't know...... i really don't know.....

on a side note... that would be last i'll ever talk about "the drugs"

it would never be talked about ever again. i'll talk about other stuff this time.

"it all ends here"

well the time now is only 11:10AM and i just now woke up... i'm over here listening to danzic 2.....while i also have skid row and iron maiden in my stereo as well. fuck i'll put everything on random... ok i put it on random and it jumped from danzic on to iron maiden

*cranks it up*


my family should know that i'm up... each morning when i wake up i start blasting my music... when that happens my family understands that i'm up.... that is there only signal of knowing when i'm awake...

man i really need to clean my room... it seriously looks like a pigstye.... on the other hand i don't mind that my room is a pigstye and on the other hand i do mind that its that way... but over all i also don't give a shit about it...

what is the point of cleaning something if its going to get messy all over again?

well its because i'm going to dust... that would mean i'll have to strip my room from everything and dust it and put the shit back... my room is 12 by 12 and that is how big it is......

so just because of the dusting i'm getting "oh man i'll have to dust... I'LL HAVE TO FUCKING DUST MAN!!"

fuck it i'll fucking dust...

why am i gonna fuckig dust?

are you people ready for the fucking TOOF!?

only if you people can handle the mother fucking TOOF!!! i'll dump the beans in the trash can....

because i'm the dust master!

there that is the fucken toof!!!

i'll wait untill i get some energy first.

Ha-Ha! Well now we call this the act of mating
But there are several other very important differences
Between human beings and animals that you should know about


I'd appreciate your input

Sweat baby sweat baby sex is a Texas drought
Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about
So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts
Yes I'm Siskel, yes I'm Ebert and you're getting two thumbs up
You've had enough of two-hand touch you want it rough you're out of bounds
I want you smothered want you covered like my Waffle House hashbrowns
Come quicker than FedEx never reach an apex just like Coca-Cola stock you are
inclined
To make me rise an hour early just like Daylight Savings Time

Do it now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin' horny now

Love the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket
Like the lost catacombs of Egypt only God knows where we stuck it
Hieroglyphics? Let me be specific I wanna be down in your South Seas
But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean means "Small Craft Advisory"
So if I capsize on your thighs high tide, B5 you sunk my battleship
Please turn me on I'm Mister Coffee with an automatic drip
So show me yours I'll show you mine "Tool Time" you'll Lovett just like Lyle
And then we'll do it doggy style so we can both watch "X-Files"

Do it now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin' horny now

You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
do it now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin' horny now

i have that song in my head.

damn u, u made me listen to it!

HI HI!
umm yeah just thought i would say...hi?
talk to you soon i hope hunny
*hugs and all that stuff*

sweetie you fucking came!!!!


i'm so happy you came...

*hugs you seriously tightly*

GOD ummmmm I MEAN WOW.... so totally wow

wow, wow, wow, wow, and WOW!!

super fantastically double dog fashion wow!!!!!

yes i would seriously love to talk to you later on. FUCK YEA SHE CAME PEOPLE!!!!

she came......... *grabs my heart*

wow

yes a serious WOW!

Wow!

hi Kendra.

i know what its like to not wanna hang around with people because theyre always getting stoned or fucked up. its annoying as fuck isnt it? id much rather be anti social than hang with people so willing to waste their lives.

howve you been anyway? i miss you cutie

extreamly wow!

*giggles*

yes seriously annoying! i really didn't like that at all....

so that is why i thought to my self... well you people can throw your lives away and i'm not going to do that with you much less sit around and watch... but most of the time it isn't bad being an anti-social...

but away from all of that i'm been doing ok and its all over with...


i have been feeling better....


how have you been doing?

well i know that i haven't been on darkforum all that much. but i've been alot more happier about being away and not posting as much as well as not saying anything at all that much. i mean its not like i have people who actually read my journal and much less to leave a responce in it. but anyway that isn't what this is about. actually i don't even know what thisis about much less even know what i'm doing. i feel outgrown about this place. man a bunch of stuff has been going on with me and i've been on a wild kind of a ride and time in person. like with the people whom i've been "rolling with" and not even rolling with anymore. basically i'm on my own and i'm happy that way. but i'm only going to keep one person that is seriously very close to me and that i've found on darkforum that i'm going to be around with no matter what. edge would be the only person that knows who i'm talking about. its only going to be kept between us though. no one should really know about it. not that i'm ashamed at all since i'm not. i just feel that it shouldn't be any body elses business and i trust edge.
besides i respect it when there was somethings you people didn't want me to know about and i didn't push you to tell me... no matter what i left you alone about it. show me that same respect in return. anyway this is all i'm going to say and i'm gonna jet.

And now you can understand why I don't have much of a liking for people. Just about every fuckin single person I've met prefers living with drugs- while I prefer not to.

I HATE druggies.

Personally, I think the point in a journal is to get your thoughts out of your head and in black and white (or whatever skin you chose) it's therapuetic. You shouldn't have to feel like you HAVE to write anything, just write when it suits you to do so.

hope that helps

yes and i seriously understand that. mainly that is all i've been seeing in person and i haven't been able to find some people that are like me in person who don't do that crap.. basically i hate the druggies the most out of people. i'm glad that you and i have that in commen.

to mia~ow you are seriously correct. mainly that is what i'm going to do for now on. only wright whenever i have something in my head and not try to get it out of me for viewing.

its nice to see reply's in my journal thread

so i'm happy that the two of you have responded.

good- perhaps I'll respond more. Oh, and now my husband and I are seriously thinking about moving to texas- but the only thing is he really likes his job here- damnit.