was bored last night (because noone was on really) so i started poking around...

well that is cool. feel free to poke around all you like. hope it was interesting at least *giggles*

heh... mainly i was just intrigued at the possibility of another member being in new mexico... i know a few people are in utah or colorado. but so far i think im the only New Mexican here.

hey, shy... why'd you change yer name, anyway?

but i'm not that far from new mexico. to make sure i'm going to have to look at the atlas map on that one...

the reason why i changed the nick to my real name. is because well i'm not that shy anymore and i'm starting to come out of my shell. starting to talk more around here and before i never really talked all that much. but still shyshy and kendra are still the same people... she is right here

true enough... well, say hi if you ever come north.

all right i'll make a note of that. thank you for the invite.

well at the time being i'm playing silent hill for PS2.... well i'm going to get back to it.

well i played a bit with silent hill 2.. then after that i passed out. now i woke up and i'm here. by the way before i went to throw away some food out in the kitchen... i tripped and fell in the hallway.. when i was running with my hands filled with two KFC boxes... so BOOM i tripped and fell.... when that happened i laughed my ass off about it... i didn't say "ow" untill i logged on to darkforum
*giggles and chuckles*

well i'm starting to feel really sensative today......... i'm not really talking all that much either. most of all i feel as though i want to be anti-social. i'm not going to hang out with my family and i'm not going to hang out with my friend today. like how i was sappossed to do..... i think it would be better off if i could just be alone period.

besides if i were to hang out with friends/family i wouldn't be all there. like my head would be somewhere else. once when i'm somewhere else and i'm not even aware that a family member or a friend is watching me zoning it and not looking happy....

i get asked these stupid questions such as this

family member "kendra are you all right?"

kendra "huh?"

family member "i asked if you are all right.... because you seem really down and not all there"

kendra "zoning out again and not paying attention to them"

family member "kendra your kind of boring today."

kendra "thinking leave me alone and let me zone it."


where if it were to be with a friend.....

friend "kendra are you all right?"

kendra "huh?"

friend "you don't look like your usual self."

kendra "goes back to zoning it and says heh"

so i don't want to be dealing with that shit. it would drive me crazy. i wish i wasn't so sensative today. other times i was doing seriously well. i'll get back on the wagon... except kendra isn't hur self today..

ok well darkforum has gotten to be completely a drama high school cliche. i'm going to stay away from darkforum. besides i have a life now and i don't need this shit. so fuck you all goodbye!!!!

well today kendra is looking out for kendra.... my job today is making sure that i either stay inside or go outside and play with a friend... while making sure that i don't do anything dramatic untill i hear from someone. so untill then i'll have to be on my best behavior. except today i would rather be alone and let my self settle down. cause if i'm going to be with a friend then i'd sit there and zone it. then i wouldn't be much fun... but tomorrow i'll go out and play.... only if my mind, body, and soul is up for it..... so i'll let my self seriously rest, relax, and have fun being by my self.

hahaha DRAMTIC that is a funny word...... no kendra behave.

hey i haven't watched the movie "clueless" in like FOREVER!!!!

i do of course dig britney murfey... that chick is funny *nods head*

anyway i'm going to eat some spegattie, lay down in my nice cool bed, and watch clueless.......

that is called taking care of kendra.

well today my niece is here.... well i ate my spegattie and then i got my DVD movie's such as "the new guy" and "clueless" and many others since i'm swamped with them....
so then i went to find my niece and wondered if she would like to kick back with me and watch some movie's..... she did just that... she told me that she has never seen "the new guy." i was shocked about it and i got her to watch it. she seriously liked the movie and said it was funny. also she has never seen "clueless" either....i can't believe i had my niece hang out with me and being all nice to her. usually we just make fun of each other and become smartasses around one another... but we don't do that in a dicky kind of a way but more of a kiddingly kind of a way... i can't believe i was actually being nice........................... well she wasn't so bad and she isn't bad at all. she is a good kid actually. can't believe i'm saying this stuff.
i told her that once when i'm with my friend... i'll take her with carly and i to places... like we can take her to album park and go shopping and i'll buy her some stuff and i'll take her to see a movie... cause i have a free movie pass and i'll have her kick it with my friend and i... she said ok and that she would really like that.


she does of course start high school next year....

but i'm gonna get her prepared...... i'll have her kick back with me again the next time she will visit.. then i'll get her into these high school movie's..... i wished somebody did that for me when i was getting ready to go to high school...

but nobody did that and since nobody did that... i'm gonna do that for my niece....
*nods head*

so for right now i'm gonna sit here and think of all the high school movie's that would be cool for her to watch...

list for my niece from her aunt kendra

1. the new guy (she has all ready seen and enjoyed it)
2. american pie (both sequals)
3. rock n'roll high school.. (new verson and old)
4. porky's
5. the animal house
6. clueless
7. heathers
8. the virgin suicide
9. trojon war
10. the water boy


fuck i can't think of anymore....... so i'll have her watch these so that way when she goes to high school BAM!!!!
she is all ready for it...

i wanna be a cool aunt *nods head*

ok well i've been playing my guitar for like about 11 years. i did of course got into one gig but it was through my second guitar teacher. he took me into his all male band and got famous and i liked doing what i did...... ever since then i've been having some serious trouble getting noticed and hooked up... believe it isn't at all and on top of that i'm not great.... i'm ok i'm not great.
so i'm thinking about pissing my talent away. because each time that i pick up my guitar and play it... i become depressed on it and i put it back down and don't wanna mess with it...... i'm not the only guitarist that is having a hard time getting noticed... alot of people who do play guitar are in the same boat as i am.... you also want to know something? like i'm into art and i'm into music but i'm not really dedicated into either one of them..... eventhough i like it. just not dedicated to it is mainly all.......
but if i were to put up my guitar and never mess with it and let my guitar collect alot of dust on it and put it in the garage.... i get mad when i see people in movie's jamming out with each other in a garage and having there own stupid little FUCKING band....

like something is telling me "kendra just grow up and put your guitar down."

while something else is telling me this "kendra this is your talent hun... your a women that can play the guitar and you play it upside down because your left handed. that is very rear to see these days"

but i'm really never getting any where with it.....

man i don't know what to do exactly... something is having me keep up with it and something else isn't having me keep up with it...

but then carly's fiance nick can play the guitar and he has been playing ever since christmas... which isn't very long i'm sappossing... 6 month i think that would be for him.....

yes i'm sounding really bummed out.....

then dannies music box... it was weird i'll be calling into cancel... because i didn't feel like going most days... then my teacher he would call and cancel... we have been doing that to each other back and forwarth.... making up lies and excuses...
but then we have stopped contacting each other and it has been a month in a half........

i mean i like my guitar and all and i love i can do what i can be able to do...... except i'm depressed on it and i'm not getting anywhere with it and i don't think i'll ever get anywhere with it..... cause i would of been some where with it ALONG ass time ago.................


this is my thinking of the day....

youre really lucky to be an aunt kendra. thats really cool!

as for the guitar, as long as you enjoy playing it you should keep playing it.
i think youre overthinking it. you dont need to worry about making a career out of it.
if you like playing keep it up! i think youre really good

who cares if you dont get anywhere with it? seriously, just play it because you like it

im teaching myself how to play the keyboard even tho i know ill never get anywhere with it, just because i like to experiemnt with different sounds.

no reason to be depressed

*hugs tight*

yeah your seriously right! but sometimes it is nice just to be in a band for fun you know and nothing serious to come out of it. just plain old fun shit...

but ya i shouldn't throw it away either... i'm gonna think more with it before i make a stupid choice that i'll regret.

thanks hunny *hugs*

no probs!

damn i love you! hehehe

you know its seriously nice to kick back by your self. of course my brother matt and his wife name sarah left. now everybody is just taking it easy and resting here at the house. not wanting to do a dam thing but relax and be lazy. well on television i went to the WE station which is on channel 115 and i came across a show i've never even knew about.. it was a show called felicity. i thought that was a pretty cool show. i got really into it for the first time seeing it. maybe i should get more into the realitty shows instead........

because i'm interesting them on collect DVD's...

1 the wonder years (grew up on the show... my family and i watched it together)
2. my-so-called-life
3. six feet under
4. freaks and geeks
5. Degrassie
6. that 70's show

start collecting all of those shows i like to watch..... then get more into that show felicity...

weird how when you flip through the channel. you see something that would catch your interest and you never even new about it before.. then once when you like it.. all of a sudden its "OHHH man i really like what i'm seeing soo far!!!!" i'm gonna keep up with it...

well i got three more months for my birthday... i can easily get a head start on the reallity shows i want for DVD... keep them as another collecting thing.... that can be next new hobby... my old hobby was collecting the 50's,60's,70's, and 80's music now my new hobby is going to be reallity show collecting on DVD.

i had a dream that i was back in school. well everyone was at the field area scattered around, running around, and doing whatever the fuck people wanted to do. it was seriously packed with alot of high school kids.... anyway when i was walking around the high school field.... for some reason i got stopped by the police and these two men were asking me about some girl and if i've seen her around... of course i new about the girl that they were asking for.. except i didn't want to tell them where they could be able to find her... so i told them that i new nothing of this girl at all... right next to me were these two janitors... the police were asking those two janitors the same question they were asking me. again they new about her but didn't want to tell them where to find this girl.... so they thanked us for our time and they took off.... the three of us stood there and smiled at each other... since we were the ones who did of course new where she was... then after i smiled at them i took off to go and find her... i found her in the girl's bathroom and the girl was katie miller.... that was the SMALLEST fucking bathroom i have ever been in... it was soo fucking small that only three people could fit in it... while not even three people... much less you could be able to fit two at the most in there... except you'll be squashed up to each other.... so we started talking to each other... except i couldn't hear what she was saying to me...

like when she would move her lips.... no sound would come out of them... it was like as if you have put it on mute with a channel controller......then she took off and left with a smile on her face....

i stayed in that bathroom looking seriously fixed on what she was trying to tell me on which i couldn't fucking hear!!!!!

then for some reason a girl came into the bathroom.... it looked like she wanted to kick my ass... eventhough i don't know because i didn't know her and i don't know what the hell it was that i did that was soo wrong to her....
so we broke out into a fight in that tiny ass bathroom..... but when we were fighting the bathroom got a little bigger for that...

so i grabbed the girl up by her shirt... i braught her in closer to me and then with alot of force i threw back up and she fell back and landed on top of the bathroom sink and her right foot was on the wall along with her left arm up againts a wall... her mouth was dropped opened and her eyes were widden out of shock.....

just as soon she was about to get back up and do something to me.... ANOTHER girl came into the fucking bathroom.... i assumed that was the bitches friend.... then she started to throw down with me..... with my left leg i kicked her in the stomach and grabbed her and threw up againts where her friend was.... then another fucking chick came into the bathroom.... i pounched her in the face and threw her to where her other friends were...

then i got out of there and BOLTED!!!!!! but before i left the fucking bathroom... i put the lock on the door so they wouldn't get out of the bathroom to chase after me....... *does make a note how that was the smartest thing i did in the dream*


when i took off i heard them pounding and kicking out the door.... screaming "hey get away from me... ow your sitting on my leg get off of me you fat pork..."

when i heard that while running away from that... i couldn't help it but laugh....

then i was in a different room..... it looked like i was in a white room... then on the white couch it looked like four people were getting it on with each other on that couch..... there was three guys and one girl.
one guy was in a sitting position and the girl was giving him a blowjob and she was in the laying down position... then there was a guy behind her butt fucking her in the ass.... then there was a guy sitting behind HIM and he was being fucked in the ass by that guy who was sitting behind him.... and i heard nothing but people letting out the moaning and i heard squishing noises all from pleasure...
when i was standing there watching it like "what the fuck?"
it was like as if people had no idea that i was there... i'm sure they did know but they were too busy doing there own thing that they didn't have time to know about my appearence..... the guys were all bauld looking and they each had a ring tattoo around there arms.... the girl had orange curly hair and it was down to her shoulders.... had real dark eyes and she was white looking....


for some reasons i ended up being by my self..... i was in my own room sleeping in my own bed... then my brother kevin walks in and he goes onto my computer... he went into my favorites and went to the sleepykitty site to have that song played....... eventhough i was asleep i still saw and new what he was doing in my sleep... it was soo weird.

anyway when he found that site and played that song.... he sat right next to me on my bedside and pulled the covers down from my head.... and he was singing along to it on the "wake up my sleepy friend... because its time to wake up now."

of course i didn't want to wake up.. i just wanted him to shut up and stop bothering me and let me sleep......

so then i woke up and he gave me a hug and i hugged him back...... then i went into the shower... showered up, brushed my hair, brushed my teeth, and put on some clothes....

everyone was sitting in the den... it was my brother kevin and a couple of his male friends danny and anthony... they all had a big smile on there face and saying "what is up and how are you doing?" kind of a yaddah stuff...

we were all drinking beer and we all had cigarettes.... then a commercial on the television came on......
where a male would be speaking and he has a hot frying pan and an egg... then he would start saying "this is your brain and this is your brain on drugs." from there he would crack open the egg.. then he will ask "any questions?"

all of us looked at that commercial very seriously.... then i took a sip out of my beer and i was all "YA why don't we all go to villiage inn?"

my brother and his friends laughed there asses off at that... i was all excitted about that idea from watching that commercial....

then my brother imitated what i just did and still laughed about it......

from there i woke up and that was my whole intire dream......

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