What defines who we are, really? most would say it is our past, the trials, the difficulties, the pleasures. Psycologists say that those with violent pasts, or more appropriately violent childhoods are often doomed to a violent life, culminating in either life in and out of the penal system, or a very violent death, often by police. But are they right? I think about this alot. I wonder if I would be the person I am today without the childhood of beatings. Would I be more successful, or more the failure? Would I have been in more trouble, or more of a play it safe person? Would I be more prone to anger and aggression, or be timid and shy? According to the experts I am classified as "one of the rare few who attempt to break the cycle" but are the rare few really so rare? From a statistical stand point by this point in my life, thanks to the past, and genetic disposition, I should be heavily involved in drugs, and alcohol, and be very prone to violent, and agressive actions towards those who seemingly provoke it. Nature vs. Nurture. Or is it the past that makes me keep my anger, my rage in check? Can this be any more confounding?

I think you don't wanna be like your past, so you strive to be different/better from it. maybe?

Everyone lives in the present which happens to be defined by the past. We are a culmination of both which are always rocketing to the future

Pyschologists are also puzzled by those with seemingly normal, mentally healthy lives, who are extremely violent. On an interesting note, as I am a serial killer nut, FBI profilers are having to rework their mode of thought and formulas. On a whole, most serial killers and/or violent people seem to share similar behaviors, specifically in the past. Depending on the type of crime, profilers can indicate whether the perpetrator has a criminal background, is an arsonist, if they were abused as a child, even if they wet the bed later than most children. (Interestingly enough, most serial killers had a history of urinating in their sleep well into their teenage years).

Anywho, the rise in disturbing/criminal behavior from seemingly normal individuals is shocking profilers. How does someone who's lived a good life lead such a violent/evil one?

Is nurture really a cause? Is it more linked to nature perhaps? Or is it just a phenomena of humanity as a whole? Is it some physiological aspect? Accelerated heart rate, failure of response?

I personally think people are as people are. There are many people who have lived rough childhoods who turn out rotten; there are many people who have lived rough childhoods who turn out good; there are those who have lived good childhoods and turn out rotten; and so on.

Who knows what makes a persons future play out? It could be anything from being beaten by a parent, to losing a loved one, to just the simple art of fantasy. Nature and nurture definately shape our lives, but I think that there's something else. Something else to be considered. What that said thing is I don't rightly know, but nature and nurture seem to only explain so-so much.

I lived with a good friend through an extremely rough childhood, (that still goes on today) still I am not a bad person at all to be around. I strive to be better than that I lived through and saw.

I don't at all believe it is only nature/nurture that shape our lives, there is something, maybe deeper, just something that determines a future. If you believe in a destiny or fate, perhaps it's just all ready written out for us. I for one don't believe in fate, I believe we choose our own lives, and exactly how they play out. I here am just trying to cover another few stand points of some people. Not particularly myself, but my friends and peers.

In conclusions, I guess I'm basically agreeing with Sixxx(sic)six.

Yes well I still can help it. I have mentioned the alcolholic stepmother that I had. Well naturally I do not wish to become like her, in the abuse, and the drinking, and all that, yet in the drinking I find that in some ways I am becoming somewhat like her. Now this is with only one type of alcohol, which is kind of confounding in itself, but when I do drink, I have found that I tend to hit the Everclear a lot harder that I would generally admit to. Or used to anyways. The only thing that stops me from drinking more than what I already do, is the fact that I get so fucked up, so fucking drunk, that I cannot see straight, I cannot talk, I can't even fucking move, and end up passing out. I realize that if it wasn't for my metabolism, that stuff would have killed my by now, yet when I drink it, I cannot stop. I don't have a problem stopping with vodka or whiskey, my two primary favorite liquers, but no matter how hard I try to stop with everclear, I cannot. What really scares me, and this does go back to the nature/nurture thing I was talking about, is that my mom's side of the family has suffered from some sort of chemical dependancy of some sort, and now that I sit here and think about it, my daughter may suffer the same pull, and that scares the hell out of me. I am beggining to realize how my parents must feel.

I agreed with that. If you've had a tough past, I believe it is possible to work past that but seeing past the struggles and seeing what you are inside, seeing your true self without all that trauma lying on top. From what I've seen in my own life, it seems like we are what we are from birth. I'm a great artist though my parents aren't, I delve into symbolic and spiritual things and my parents almost shy from those things. I believe I was given the ability to draw to tell a story somehow, so I'm pursueing that.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that, maybe if you clear up all confusion and problems in your life and you may just be able to see who you are.

Unfortunately that can be easier said than done, and I will give you damn good example: I have an older sister, I found out about her last christmas. So, for the past 10 months she and I have been talking, asking a lot of questions. As it turns out she and I have led nearly identical lives in that we have suffered much of the same traumas, same difficulties. I find that I have delt with the end results better than she has, with out the need for medication(though she frequently tells me that I should be on some), and yet she has had more time to deal with the problems that what I have

Our past, shapes our character and creates who we are now and in the future. There is no changing of the past, but ultimately we can change the future by making good decisions. In the end, our past leaves its code on our present self.


I have a terrible past. I have become damaged and cannot wait till the day I die. i hope that reincarnation exists so that i can have another opportunity.

Death is not always the answer the what troubles us

What is the reason for you asking this question? Asking others about yourself, i would understand... if those you asked knew you personally.

You have an underlying reason why you asked this question.

Why don't you get to the bottom of yourself and be honest with yourself?

Ask yourself why you asked this question.

Do NOT tell us the truth why you asked this question.

Tell yourself the honest answer.

Then... if you have any friend you trust: tell them, but nobody else.

Your personal problems are personal. You respect your own boundaries.

If you have personal problems... deal with them personally.

people who do noy know you and do not love you will never help you.

Do you understand what I am saying?

yeah, nobody wants to hear your whining. all those other whineypants philosophers already beat you to it. i swear, all they ever do is talk about their problems.

I see how self reflection can lead to questionings that are philosphical, and sure the original question is a valid thread, but with themore personal aspect of it, i think you'd be welcome and avoid any unhelpful antagonists in the advice section since it is mod'd more. here you cold get someone that says you're a fucked up little shit and go die die now. or someone who sends you in the wrong direction b/c its fun to toy with people like saying drink a lot of other stuff and see what it does to you. Both of these statements are bullshit, but i had fun with them. see? selfish and not helpful to you.

Do you honestly think I would be so naive as to believe less than a 1/10th of the shit that people suggest on this message board? Please. The question was something that has been on my mind for quite some time, I am not looking for advice, as you would perceive it. Besides I already tried drinking, it didn't help, and death just will not come for me, so I am fucked in that respect. I am looking for the why, not the what.

question: is the child shown on your post you? or is it your son?

It seems to me you are trying to understand yourself in relation to the upbringing you had... which you hint at. You say you have been badly physically abused as a child...

BUT...

you do not mention any positive experiences you had when you were young.

One positive experience can wipe out a lot of negative experiences...

maybe there was someone in your childhood that actually loved you or helped you in some way.

Try looking at all the postitive experiences of your childhood instead of allthe negative ones...

Then try and see if those positive experiences helped you overcome the negative ones.

Also: you speak of rage and anger.

You do not say whether you actually feel any such emotion.

If you are emotionally cut off from feeling any anger at how you were treated: that is one thing.

If you actually do feel anger and rage but are able to control it... that is an entirely different thing.

If you do not explain yourself more clearly: none here can have the slightest idea of what you are trying to get at.

If you do not want to divulge any more personal details here on this forum:

Then my previous post stands: discuss it with someone who knows you personally and whom you trust. Otherwise: your question is too vague to respond to in any meaningful way.

Honestly, i dont know you at all, so i have no basis on assuming anything about you.