Oh, good. Ok, so we've finally progressed to this point...I was hoping this would get there eventually, I just figured I'd let everyone else get us there. Thanks, Rogue.

Could it be more important to be equally feared and loved?

true, there are many forms of love, but none so uplifting, none so powerful, none more desired (i would hope) than romantic love.....and undoubtedly, even if the prior ideas don't sway, if you are one that seeks romantic love and regard it as the most pleasing and beautiful emotion we have, it is conterbalanced by some of the worst feelings we can have......

there are feelings that lie in between, which i suggest are those situated with being feared; therefore, if one avoids love, at least romantic love (which is not as easy as we can say it is) then one can also avoid some of the worst feelings, yet with feelings in the middle one can be constant

well, my issues with love aside, i can see benefits to having both... i suppose it would have to do with how people fear and love you that would give them value greater than being mutually exclusive...

Circ would have to agree, it is an interesting balance. One must question what type of fear and love one would have to inspire in others, to derive the optimum value.

A good ruler has to be fearsome. Otherwise, his enemies will have no second thoughts about devouring him. He must also be loved, otherwise his people will revolt or, at the very least, become disgruntled. Ruthless is a very brash word to use, when relating to this situation, though. Ruthless with your enemies? Yes; but not to the point where you lose alligiances over it.

However, Circ fails to see what that really has to do with love. Isn't this more admiration and respect?

But can't admiration and respect still be a branch of love, in their own way?

I suppose we could sit here and argue about what love is until kingdom come...

we could argue about certain ideas pertaining to love, but let us first, for my sake, agree about TRUE LOVE....

Ahh...true love...what can anyone say about it?

I would much rather have others fear me, than love me....When you accept love, you also accept the chance of a knife in your back. When others fear you, you expect the stabbing, so there is no surprise.

But isn't it worth risking it?

I'm really not sure anymore. I used to think anything was worth risking for love...but I really don't believe that anymore. Love is a vampire, in and of itself. It drains hope from vital, healthy human beings. Hate and fear are fast-acting and come, then pass. Love lingers, like a cancer.

Well, when you look at it as something commonly "evil" what can I say, at least you tried.

Thanks. All we can do in life is try, and hope for the best...and learn from the pain, experience.

Indeed.

In an ideal world, I'd choose love, but in reality fear is better. Both will get you screwed over, but love (in any form, not just the conventional romantic crap) always hurts worse.

Circ has noticed that just about everyone who picked fear over love did it for the same reason. Basically, because they're afraid of the pain love may (not will) bring. Many of those also make another point: they're afraid of being stabbed in the back, but at least expect it when others fear them.

It seems that fear is a double-edged sword. If people could just overcome their fear, they'd be able to experience love in a purer sense, instead of choosing something that relates to their enslaved mental state.

Still-and-all, life will bring surprises, whether you live in a state of fear or not.

IME love has always brought the same pain, whether the perosn loved intends it or not. Fear can be a double-edged sword, but it is also a survival mechanism.... It does not necessarily enslave unless you allow it to.
One's mental state does not necessarily affect the actions of others... You can experience love, and believe that it is wonderful and pure, and still get screwed over.

neither. i am in love and i hate it and i am feared and i hate it to a point but they both suck if you ask me. neither one do i have ne time for right now.

Very true.

My friend (we'll call her Julie) has been with this guy for over a year now. Though he's cheated on her various times and its been somewhat stormy otherwise, she stays with him. I tell her how much she should get out of it...and how damaging it is for her. Every time, Julie says "I'd rather keep getting hurt the same way by the same person than have to keep getting hurt different ways by other people." Sex took a priority in the relationship...and that, combined with her fear of being hurt, keeps her in it. Its done her no good, and she'd be so much better off if she got out of it. So yeah...I forget what else I was going to say, but I hope someone can see my point...this was an example building on what Circ was saying...

that is like asking would you rather burn to death or freeze to death!

Let them hate so long as they fear..