MUSIC: SHOW THEME. “VOLARE”

NARRATOR: Welcome boys and girls, children of all ages to the Brooklyn Youth after school hour radio time special. Prepare to immerse yourself in Mother Goose’s world of extraordinary tales and whimsical fables. On today’s show we will be listening to the classic “Da Frawg Prince N’ Shit”. Enjoy.

MUSIC: THEME, “TARANTELLA GUAPPA” UP AND OUT

NARRATOR: One time, in a small borough outside of Manhattan in the kingdom of New York lived a King and his young daughter. The king was respected and feared by all in the neighborhood. His daughter Marie was beautiful beyond all comparisons. On hot days when the pavement smelled freshly baked in the heat of the scorching sun, Marie would retreat to the river nearby with her favorite possession, her Sassoon hair curler that Jimmy No Neck bought her before he went on his long fishing trip.

SOUND: SIZZLING HAIR

NARRATOR: One day, at the river bed, with her little olive colored feet tickling the water surface she sat curling her earthly dark hair. Having eaten a nice Pasta a Olio before arriving her hands were coated in oil, and the iron slipped out of her fingers and slid into the river.

SOUND: SPLASH AND IRON SIZZLING OUT

MARIE: Aww Jesus Christ, that’s my favorite curler. Christ.

NARRATOR: Distraught at the loss of her most favorite possession she began to break down and sob hysterically. Pounding her chest and spitting at bad fortune while making the sign of Cornuto horns she cursed in the old tongue at this, her most unfortunate hour.

MARIE: Vaffanculo!

NARRATOR: After much crying and screeching, the princess heard a stern voice from behind her. As she turned to look she noticed a small frog peering at her from underneath a pile of bloody rags that had washed up on the shore.

FROG/PRINCE: Yo! Hey yo princess. What’s a matta?

NARRATOR: Startled, the princess Marie began to speak.

MARIE: Who you talking to? Me? I’m Marie.

FROG/PRINCE: I’m talking to you, who you think I’m talking to? I’m da frawg, how you doin?

MARIE: My iron, it fell in the river, Jimmy got that for me right before my father sent him on his… fishing trip.

FROG/PRINCE: Ah essere fottuto, that all? Why you crying like that for such a small thing. I can get that curler back. I’m gonna need a little something back in return though if I do. If you know what I mean.

MARIE: I’ll do whatever you want just get it back before it’s too late!

FROG/PRINCE: Alright I’m going, I’m going, just wait a second. This will be too easy, fuhgeddaboudit.

NARRATOR: As the frog began to leap into the river, the princess leaned over the river bank with her face close to the current trying to discern anything through the murky brown water. First one minute passed, then another. The princess began to worry, but before long the frogs head popped out of the water.

SOUND: SPLASH

FROG/PRINCE: Yo there’s some crazy shit down there, but I found your iron Marie. Now when do I get my kiss?

MARIE: Oh frawg, thanks for getting my iron for me, but I don’t mess around with frawgs. My poppa would kill me, know what I mean?

FROG/PRINCE: Yo that’s messed up, cazzeggiare! Una Brutta!

NARRATOR: Smiling to herself that she was able to use the Frog without giving him a little trombare in return she ran home across the crowded downtown streets and headed for her family’s apartment.

NARRATOR: The next night Princess Marie’s mother Queen Maria had been hard at work in the kitchen preparing a feast of Gnocchi, Penne, and some meatballs the size of a monkey’s fist. Just after the Scungili and pasta course a light knock came upon the door, gradually it grew louder.
SOUND: KNOCKING
KING: Va cagare, who’s knocking on the door. I get up from my chair and I’m gonna split some goddamn heads.

MARIE: I hope its Primo, that boy’s grown.

KING: Hey, what’s the matta with you? Huh? That the way I raised you? To talk like a dirty whore? Shut your mouth and eat or I’ll slap ya into tomorrow, fuhgeddaboudit.

NARRATOR: The knocking grew more ferocious, and with each rap the kings temper got just a little hotter until he lunged from his throne at the head of the table to answer it.

SOUND: DOOR OPENS

KING: Yeah what?!

FROG/PRINCE: Hey yo King Ricky Da Ratchet I don’t mean no disrespect by being here, especially at your dinner time, but I think I need to talk to you a little.

KING: Huh? What’s the matta?

FROG/PRINCE: Again I don’t mean no disrespect, but It’s about your daughter Marie.

KING: You talking about my Marie?

FROG/PRINCE: Yeah, see I done her a favor the other day and she promised me a little kiss, and when I done the favor she didn’t give me no kiss. I feel a little disrespected, know what I mean?

KING: You want money, that what you want?

FROG/PRINCE: No sir, Mr. King. I just want what she promised me that’s all.

NARRATOR: The king thought to himself. Then he looked down at the frog and nodded knowlingly. He turned around and peered into the apartment and called for Marie.

KING: Marie! Over here, now.

MARIE: Yeah poppa what’s a matta?

KING: Marie, this frawg says you owe him a kiss for helping you, that true?

NARRATOR: Marie looked down at her feet; she felt like crying but nodded yes. For nothing was worse than lying to her father, the King. He had ways to make people tell the truth, usually a ratchet to the back of the skull, but she could never lie to her father anyway, mortal danger or not.

KING: Yo what I always tell you? Huh? I raised you right. What are the 3 most important lessons I always taught you? Huh?

MARIE: Never rat on my friends… keep my mouth shut…

KING: And never break your word. You promised the frawg a kiss and you better kiss him, capiche?

MARIE: Poppa, he’s so ugly he’s got bumps on his ass…

KING: I don’t care if he got needles sticking out his ass, kiss him.

NARRATOR: Fearful of her father’s disappointment and the tools in his work shed, she complied. She leaned in to kiss the frog. A small peck on the tip of his snout, which left a glistening hyper red imprint from her lipstick. The frog began to close his eyes and a swirl of smoke suddenly surrounded him. After a short while he transformed into a gorgeous youthful Mafioso with a stunning velvet jacket, curly hamburger meat chest hair and 12 and a half pounds of gold rope chains with assorted catholic medallions hanging to and fro. Marie nearly had a heart palpitation as she looked the Frawg Prince up and down, his swarthy Mediterranean skin gave her chills and his olive oil slicked hair made her pulse race.

FROG/PRINCE: Grazie, grazie Marie and King, thank you for this. I was enchanted by an old gypsy woman when I went to visit my father’s grave in Palermo. She said only the kiss of a fair princess, you could break the curse. Grazie.

NARRATOR: The Frog Prince and Marie embraced in a warm youthful hug, impressed by the story the King asked the prince to marry Marie and to help run the family…business. He agreed and they soon wed. They moved into the apartment across the hall and they all lived happily ever after. So boys and girls, remember the 3 most important lessons in life, Never judge a book by its cover, always keep your word, and never rat on your friends, lest Gino and Anthony come to break your kneecaps. Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the Brooklyn Youth after school hour radio time special. Good night and God bless.

MUSIC: SHOW THEME. “VOLARE”