*blinks*

Get to the mass killing part! MASS KILLING!

*froths*

Jack loved his trenchcoat; supplied to him by the last surviving agent of the N.S.A. The aliens controlled all the worlds satellites and could pinpoint any human to within an inch of where they were by thier bio-sig. They were using sophisticated tech linked with ours to monitor uprisings and any rebel actions. Lucky for Jack though he had the Black Trench. It was a marvel of modern human tech, able to conceal and hide its wearer from any video surveillance equipment and also had the bonus of hiding Jack from the alien tech. Which he found as a Godsend. Especially right now on the run as he was from alien snoops.
Jack had just succesfully taken down a Redwing, one of the alien Masters. Now the aliens were an amazing and beautiful sight until you understood thier intentions. They each stood about ten feet tall on average and resembled nothing more then miniature Dragons. The Redwings were always the leaders with the Gold wings taking on the military side of things and leaving all of the tech to the Greenwings. Right now Jack was on the run from two Golds and his options were running low. He was caught between the outer wall of Old L.A. and the inner wall of the Alien Sanctum where he had just commited Diecide if the Aliens were to be believed. That was when he stumbled into a backwater scumhole bar by the name of Eddies Stiffies; and his whole life changed. He met Blacky.

Jack knew that the only way he was going to get to Charlies Bar was going to be to lay low for a bit. This dump looked like the right place to do it in, very low key and full of drunks, pimps, whores, and junkies. As Jack walked in through the single metal bound door the first thing he noticed was a man sitting in a corner booth; back to the wall and wearing a Trench exactly like his. His first thought was to turn around and get the hell out of there but he knew that whoever the man was he had already spotted him. Judging by the mans reaction he was just as surprised by Jack. Jack took this as a good sign, though he could be wrong.
Jack walked boldly through the crowd around the bar and sat in the booth next to the man; smiled and said;"Excuse me; where the fuck did you get that coat from and yes thats a Desert Eagle .50 Caliber semi-auto you feel pressed up against your balls."
Calmly and smiling the whole time the man smiled and held up his hands. He looked to be 5-6 inches shorter then Jacks 6'6" and much slimmer; whereas Jack had light blonde hair the other man had raven black hair.
Jack knew though that the wieght and hieght disparity meant little if the smaller man could handle himself in a fight.
"My name is Blacky, and I was just about to ask you the same question. Though i know who you are Mr. Jack Crown. And I have followed your movements for some time. I did not expect you to come here. Hehe... you surprised me."
Jack hid his surprise well and bumped the Desert Eagle against Blackys' thigh as he spoke."Why is it that you are keeping tabs on me. Do you work for the Redwings?
Some sort of rogue government agency? What??"
"I am; was a part of a special British Alien Penetration Unit... now I am the last. Believe me I want thier blood just as badly as you. They owe me the bloody dragons. And I recieved this coat from the same operative as you; he was the one that put me onto you. I have something to show you."
"What??" Jack asked as he put his gun away; still feeling weary of Blacky yet intruiged by what he was hearing.
"It is a storehouse, safehouse, and filled with all the goodies two pissed off alien haters could ever want."
Jack grunted, scratched the stubble on his chin and hid the smile that was forming on his face.
Before he could reply though the entire front wall of the bar exploded inwards and he was thrown forward over the table and onto Blacky. They both tumbled to the floor and were up in an instant. Jack noticed that Blacky had a strange large gun held in both hands, he could not tell what they were as he was too busy trying to get a bead on the Goldwing that had burst in unannounced.

Too be continued....

Jack knew that his .50 caliber auto would only anger the Goldwing yet that did not stop him from pumping all seven rounds into the thing. The last four shots were taken blindly though as Blackie fired both his guns at once lighting the place up like the fourth of July. All 12 feet and two tons of Goldwing flew apart as a huge concussion blew into it, knocking Jack onto his back. Jack felt more then saw pieces of the Goldwing fall all over him and Blackie; blinking Jack rolled over and stood back up.
It looked to Jack as if someone had shoved a Fragment grenade up the Goldwings ass; there couldn't be a piece larger than a small dog left of the thing. Jack stared over at Blackie openmouthed and looked down at his trusty .50 Caliber Desert Eagle; still in amazement he quickly popped the clip and reloaded.
"Shit! Thats bound to bring every Goldwing in a fifty mile radius right to us."
Blackie shrugged and replied,"Thats Ok. I have more then enough ammo on me to take out at least ten of them."
Jack sighed and pointed to the back door.
"I think we should maybe run our asses off to this safe house of yours. More Ammo or not, we do not need the heat until you equip me with one of those Handcannons."
They both ran for the door; jumping dazed junkies and debris.

Half an hour later Blackie led Jack into a piss and vomit smelling alleyway and walked up to the door of what looked to be an ancient warehouse of some sort. Blackie unlocked what looked to be an emergency callbox and placed his hand on the Imprint Lock; immediately the duel steel doors slid smoothly back revealing a dark and musty foyer. Blackie led Jack in and shut the doors behind them with a voice command.
"Lights. Security arm. Jack Crown authorized as visitor status code 11-248. Grant priviledge pass for all doors voice command only. External sector cameras activate and warn of any alien presence."
"Well I will be a son-of-a-bitch... nice place Blackie. Hope you have a kitchen and some cold beer because I am starving and very thirsty. As well as very curious to see these arms you say you have stored away."
Blackie smiled and led the way down a dirty hallway; opened a door and led Jack into the nicest kitchen he had seen in many years.
Blackie went straight for the fridge,"Guinness or Bass is all I seem to have."
"Jesus; I will take two Guinnesses. I thought England had been bombed into the stone age."
Blackie shrugged and said,"I have maybe the last 30 cases of it and another 30 of Bass. Us Irish have to have our booze."
"Irish? You do not look like any Irishman I have ever seen."
"Well I may be a bastard Irishman, but I am still Irish. Of course Ireland may be a large crater; yet all that did was piss us all off."
Jack laughed and popped open his bottle; he felt like he might get to like this little black haired cocky ass Irishman yet.

It should be a book. It's really fucken good. Excuse my language but it is. Ready to read some more...


SereneDarkness

Why thank you Serene.. and it may yet be one as I am writing it here and also saving each part i write to disk... there will be more
this is gonna be one long ass thread hehe

Very cool. I'm hooked. I hope this is going to turn into a book! I'd buy it definately.

-Seth

Both Jack and Blackie were feeling the effects of the guiness as laughing Blackie led Jack to a reinforced steel door.
Blackie put his hand against the door as he spoke,"This door is reinforced titanium alloy, impervious to most projectile weapons and also impervious to most normal demolitions. The room beyond is a self contained bomb shelter with all the arms and food you would need to survive for many years without going outside once."
"Wow; who built this thing... the government?"
Blackie laughed as he replied;"No the N.S.A. It was built for occasions just like the one we have; there are more strewn about the country, at least one in every major city. This is the only one I know of."
"Well goddamnit open the friggen door now that you have me all curious."
Blackie chuckled and reached his hand out to the side of the door and flipped open a small keypad. He punched in what seemed to Jack about twenty-five numbers and a smooth vibration began to eminate from the door as it slowly began to open.
Jack felt as if he had just entered through the pearly gates of heaven. The sheer amount of weaponry he saw before him brought tears to his eyes. Woe unto the lizards Jack thought; for armageddon hath come.

The shelter was about the size of a large two bedroom apartment and was accomodated with a small kitchen, a bathroom, two bunks and very little walkspace as boxes of food and ammo lined every available wall. One room had its walls lined with an amazing amount of weaponry which Jack had never seen before.
Grabbing a rifle from the wall Blackie spoke up,"This is an experimental rifle I like to call the Dragon buster. It fires depleted uranium slugs which are filled with a chemical that is very volatile and explodes on impact; sending small slivers of radioactive particles all throughout the body. Very nasty."
"Too damn big." Jack replied with a laugh. "What about this?" Jack said as he grabbed a streamlined pistol that resembled a compact Mac 10.
"That is a rapid firing dart gun. Though the darts themselves are very small they deliver about the same punch as this big nasty weapon here and it is capable of firing about 300 of them in the space of one second. The clip itself holds three thousand of the darts and can empty itself in the span of ten seconds. Good for a small room party yet virtually worthless in a long range battle."
As Jack hefted it and noted that it must have wieghed only a little over one pound Blackie walked over to an unopened box and began tearing into it. He produced a small box of cartridges and tossed them over to Jack.
"Since it seems you prefer that huge unsightly beast of a pistol these should be more to your liking. They are .50 caliber rounds filled with a vitriol substance that is inert until heated and is capable of eating its way through five feet of alloyed armour. It ought to make even the toughest Dragon drop a load in its ..errr shorts."
Jack laughed and began changing the cartridges in his clips with those from the box."How about demolitions? We will need some to take out thier Towers. The more Towers we take out the less influence they will have on the populace."
Blackie moved to yet another box and opened it."This is a very advanced plastic explosive. Very safe to mold and handle; and it packs one hell of a punch. One pound of this stuff is akin to about 20 pounds of TNT. It is most defenitely a gate crasher."
For the rest of the evening Jack and Blackie wandered through thier new found surplus of destruction and began to formulate thier first strike against the Dragons.

I really don't want you to take this the wrong way at all, but the story is well, just not that interesting. THe plotline doesn't stand out because it's a recycled version of so many stories mixed in together like Circuit of Heaven by Dennis Danvers and just a bunch of other endless, non-original sci-fi and so on. Although, it's written quite well, but nothing really gets your attention. Puncuation, etc. needs to be closely looked at and tenses as well.

I am not taking it the wrong way... but most all Sci fi is rehashed in one form or another... merely the style and characters that seperate most of it.. I do not worry about punctuation.. I would leave that to the editor if it were ever published... as for what has been written down so far.. this is just the prologue...
Chapter one begins next..

I do thank you for your insightful and detailed criticism though...
Enjoy the rest of the story as I work my way through it... all of this is being written as i post it also... so it is a work in progress..

Only the Prologue? Well, seems like you have your work cut out for you. Haha. I do a lot writing for myself and then I edit for other people. It's a thing I'm into. ::shrugs:: Thank you for taking it so well. I'll be glad to read the chapters to come. Take care.

Jack knew the shit was hitting the fan when he saw the sky above him filled with the large winged Gold Dragons. He swore silently to himself as he fumbled to switch on the emergency transcievers he and Blacky both wore. He thumbed it on quickly and hailed Blacky.

"Hey there Big Guy did you start the commotion?"
"No. I thought maybe you had something to do with it."
"Not a thing. I was planting the last of the charges when all of the gates to the tower opened and these blasted things started pouring out by the dozen."
"Well I think I will lure them away so you can finish up and we can blow it to Hell and back."
"Want me to wait for the Dragons to come back?"
"Just blow the son-of-a-bitch and let me worry about these Dragons."
"No problem. See you in a few hours."

Jack thumbed the transciever off. He was feeling giddy as he unstrapped his pack and dove inside for the flare gun he had rigged. He had left the propellant charge intact and had unpacked the gunpowder and sulfur in favor of C-4. Though a very dangerous proposition as he had not had the time to test it he loaded a shell into its belly and clicked it shut.
He took aim directly overhead and fired a round at the nearest Gold to him. Jack was in no way prepared for what happened next. The shell bounced harmlessly off the tough hide of the Gold and began a downwards plunge toward him. He hastily began to run toward the only open end his little dead end alleyway offered. Just a few steps from the mouth of the manmade cave Jack was picked up by a seemingly gentle and very hot hand and slammed into an oblivion his conscious mind welcomed immediately.

Blacky heard a very large explosion come from somewhere near to his position and hurriedly finished planting the timing device on the white blob of C-4. He checked his watch and noted that he and Jack had 15 minutes from then to escape the immediate vicinity or get caught in the aftermath of the explosion. He attempted to hail Jack on the transciever and recieved static for his troubles. Well; Blacky thought; we both knew the possible consequences of our actions. He could only hope that Jack would be alright and meet him at the safehouse. Blacky began to run as fast and as far from Hollywood Boulevard and Vine as he could. All the Golds were far more interested in a spot some two blocks from the tower and Blacky could only hope that it was not Jack that was the focus of all thier attention.

shit man, this kicks ass

Thanks more soon....

Sweet, man. Fuckin' sweet.

Awesome!!Waiting for more.....