but it's also sad. how people won't accept people who are nice. instead they would rather hang out with people who are not nice.

it's all about being "too nice" or "too mean" concept. people don't know what the hell they want. when it's about being with other people.

Some insects called the human race.

I'd spar with you- I've got myself a nice wooden sword at my parents-but if you want to spar me with my real sword- thats alright.

Naw- I'd get too into it and kill you.

knowing I'm not going to see my friends for a long while.

lots.

my daughter is four thousand miles away from me.


other than that and the fact that I really want to smoke a bowl, I'm a perfectly happy?, person.

This knee shit. I just want it over with. But i know if i keep thinking about it, its just gonna make it all go slower. I just want to fucking have a damn life again and just go to the gym and ride. Its been 2 years almost. And people telling me about shit thats going on, is not helping me cuz i wanna be out there and being a god damn teenager but no. "The best comes to those who wait"? hopefully that quote is true.

sad hmm? lets go through my day to describe sad for me, I got up. my normal depressed self when I'm alone. Hmmm Maybe thats the problem I spend to much time alone. I went into work and everyone acted really funny around me, they wouldn;t talk to me, so I made some jokes got them to laugh with me and join in a chorus of we are the champions... a few hours later people ignored me again. It is after all just me. I went to the store and picked up a cd for a co-worker that I knew she wanted, I got a hug so I was happy again. when I got home I was alone, my family had gone out for a new years day party again and left me left overs, I spend most of my holidays this way by myself, usually locked up in my room. I sat around some old friends got online when I did so we talked laughed now they all have me on ignore, seems like I'm just a wall decoration, good 'ol me there to cheer you up every time, lets not worry about me. It seems like the more I try to get people to like me, the more I make them laugh, the more I buy them things I know they love. The more the take me for granted... Good 'ol me, always there when you need him.

Not alot can usually make me sad, I guess i missed my girlfriend Emily for a little bit, I see her around 5 times a week and I really love her, but I was late in today and all hell broke lose trying to get to college, didn't think I was going to see her.

I guess its no where near as depressing as others may be but this is what made me sad today.

Thinking and realizing my mom commit suicide just a little over a year ago and the fact that she was only 35 leaving behind a 20 year old and 18 year old daughters with an 10 month old granddaughter and that my son will never know his nana.

i'm so dark and disturbed and gawth i cry all the time...yeah

I have nothing to be sad about, even my worst problems at this time are pretty tame. I got a good life.

Knowing that i have not the skills to live this life, nor the courage to end it.
When sitting around, cutting my arm, thinking about that Assemblage 23 song 'Disappoint' and knowing that my conscience wouldn't allow me to put anyone through that, whilst still knowing that i have not affected anyone deeply enough for it to matter.

In other words, knowing i am shit at life and crap at death.