You get loud
For they interfere
In fire and life
Nothing much ever happens
Beyond each laugh.

I have no more words
I'm empty of all thought
All words and I will say no more.

A closet full of clothes
But nothing to wear
So many colors
Yet nothing is there.
None of it is me
I didn't even put them there.
Why is it that
No one can see
What is the real me?
All the colors in the world
Won't change this shade of blue
This is what I am
Not pink or red
Not green or black
Blue
Yet there isn't a shade
That is just right.
This is why I have nothing to wear
Nothing..........
But blue
Which isn't found here.

You beg for me to take you back
To give you a second chance
But I have given you
One to many of those.
You tell me you didn't mean it
That it will never happen again.
But you have said that
One to many times
You cry well I pack
But that has been done
One to many times.
You see
I'm tired of your lies
And taking you back
It has all been done
One to many times.
For you see
For as long as I can remember
There has always been
One to many.
Well now
There is one less.

Try something like this:

If you allow me...


DETERMINATION

Nothing happens in the land of destruction.
Chaos floats in all this garden of questions.
But I don't care,
so I'll be there,
carrying with me all the conversations in which you have been.
Understanding them, eating them, dressing them,
so I'll know you better than you, so you will be scared because of that.
What do you think you deserve?.
Sometimes, many of the thoughts you own
are mine. I created them with a lonely smile.
And here we are crying, sitting in a far carpet somewhere
in no land, staring at each other, trying to touch us,
with emotional rythm we move our fingers and let our tongues live.
Well, I want to see you beside me...
We have been jinking all our time.
Yes, we watch a written word, on the sand
of our no land and we are naked on it.
Memorabilia.
That's what you wanted ?,
Killing me with your memories is not going to make you feel better.
How much time do you think you'll be able to resist without me.
You cannot kill me.
I've stolen your mind clothing.


Well it is not what I can do but understand I have my head in a million of things.

Everyone always says
To write about what you feel
What you know
What you have experienced.
But what do they say
When you feel nothing
Can't think beyond the moment
Don't know what to say.
For some words come easy
And always flow
Like a river
Never to be dammed up
Though for others
Sometimes we are empty
And we only have so many words in us
And when they are gone
There is nothing to take their place
Nothing to fill the silence
Or the white space.
For these people
What do they say?
How can they write
With no words left?

And it flows
In a steady stream
Falling from the sky
Like noisy tears
Hitting my roof
And streaking my windows
Adding a tanslucent light
To the silent night.
The birds don't sing
for their voices wouldn't be heard
And the darkend clouds
Hover above the sky
And for our daily sins
They will always cry
And try in vain
To give us a sinless day.

It was a beautiful day
The sun shining brightly
A few fluffy white clouds
Lazing around the sky
I looked up at them
As I sometimes do
When my mind is troubled
And I need something to do
When I seen the most amazing thing
It really was a sight
I seen two angels
Just off to my right.
They had their backs to me
As they often do
And were sitting together
Heads bent close
Whispering things
They won't let me know
But I seen them
Which was the first
But then they looked back
And noticed me watching them
And in a blink of an eye
Just one space in time
They disappeared from that cloud
As if they weren't even there.
I shake my head
In disbelief
But wait a minute
How about that cloud over there?

My heart is weary
And leadened with despair
For the pain that it feels
Is like being in cemented shoes
Dragging me down
Into a drowning pit
Of intolerence

If this is living
Then I wish to be dead
For the pain in everyday
That I spend this way
Is much more then I can bare
Why is it that I am filled with such despair?
Why is it that life is not what it use to be?
Why is life not fun anymore?
Why is it not making me want to live?
Why is it filled with such pain?

I know that I have pushed everyone who cares away
With my snapping remarks
And cutting glares
No one dares to reprimend me
Or to tell me to lighten up
Not after that last fool..........

But I know that they hurt
Because they can't help
But I don't care
Not until there is an end
To each torturous day
For the pain is clawing at my insides
And tearing them away
And everyday it gets worse
As it's hunger grows
And yet there is less flesh to feed it
Then the day before
So All I can do is wait
Until the hunger has consumed me
On this day
I will have rest
For it will feed no more.
This is what living is like for me.
How is it for you?

It was a full moon
A perfect night for feeding
All these morsels of food
Running around my fridge
Jumping at every mouse
Fearful of their time of spoilage
Of excitinction
Hurrying to and fro
All full of flesh and blood
I use to be like that
But now I am a superior being
Better then the rest.
I can move faster then a thought
No more polluting the air
And having miles of road ahead
Now I get shimmer my way there.
Much faster really
In a blink of an eye I spot my prey
He is a tall dark type
His rugged and swanky looks
Catch my eye
His looks are
The kind that will make girls swoon in his presence
And wish to be with him as his choosen one at night
Better take him out
And "save" many girls hearts
A broken heart does leave such a bitter after taste
He is moving at a steady pace
Totally at ease in the dark.
I walk out to meet him
Normally I would shimmer up behind him and bite
Then move on to the next
But tonight I feel like playing
Like a cat playing with it's food
I walk up to him
Stare up into his soulful eyes
And smile
He follows me
Like a puppy
Come to me my fool
I await for him in a dark corner
Waiting for him to catch up.
He reaches for me
Our lips meet
Humans are such slobbery kissers
This one is an exception to the rule though
I kiss his eyes
His nose
His cheek
His ear
I nibble there awhile
I kiss his jaw
His neck
I feel his heart beat beneath his finger tips
His blood calling me from his veins
My fangs form
And touch his skin
But before they can taste what they crave
He whispers
I know what you are and I want to be like you.....
What? Does my perfect ears deceive me?
I pull back
What do you mean?
You are the blonde vampire
I have been watching you
What? Impossible. I would have know if I was being watched.
While I haven't been watching you everyday.
You do travel faster then I do.
But I know all about you.
You are the only blonde vampire in the world.
The princess of darkness who walks in light.
Make me like you .........please.
Are you sure?
Yes I want to drink blood
And live at night
To feel the darkness
And travel with a thought
To be with you.........
To control the humans minds
To bend them to my will.......please give me this.
Are you sure?
To never see a sunrise again
Or a blue sky
To never feel or cry or love
To never eat chocolate or drink beer?
Is this what you wish for?
Yes.........I want to be like you........with you.
Alright then....
My eyes glow with unholy light and my fangs sink deep.
Draining him until he is whithered and empty.
I can feel myself filling,
His blood mixing with mine
Making it perfect
Then I gave it back. Better then before.
And he is reborn.
He gasps involuntarily
He will learn that he doesn't need to do that now.
I feel it. Thank you.
He disappears and then reappears collapsed at my feet.
You are still young.
You must feed and then rest.
Tomorrow night is soon enough to practice.
I shimmer away to find food for my fledgling
A whimper is heard from a door way
Poor child
I shimmer to it
Are you an Angel?
I smile and hold out my hand
Leading the child to my young.
He is hasty and misses the vein
Causing the kid to scream in pain and fear
I snap it's neck and show my love where to bite.
He is messy but learns quickly
Throwing the body away
More..I want more.
Later......the sun rises soon.
I grab his hand and we shimmer to my den
It is roomy enough for two.
He sighs and collapses on my bed
Sleeping the sleep of the dead
Uhmmmmmm.......not on my bed
I push him off
He hits the floor with a thud but does not stir.
Have to work on that.
There are slayers who will take advantage of that weakness
Darkness settles over me as I claim sleep.
Better.......much better.

I walk in on her
She is sleeping in a curled up ball
She whimpers in her sleep
Tears streaming down her cheeks
Biting her lip to keep from crying out loud in pain
Even though she isn't awake.
My heart bleeds for her
For she looks so small
I can't believe that any God could be so cruel
As to allow this much pain
Inflicked on one so good.
She would give her last bite of bread to a stranger
Yet she hurts so much
And even still
She remains silent
Or tries to
To spare us kids the worry.
She is dieing though
We all know it
And watch helplessly
We know that she will not slip off quietly in her sleep
For even there
There is not release
Instead she suffers
Awake or not
In this I cry
For I wish it was me instead.
For she could still do so much good
She doesn't need this to deal with too.
The doctor's said that she has a tumor
Unlike any other.
It seems to have formed a moving tail
Which latches on to her internal organs
There it squeezes
Her liver
Her stomach
Her blatter
Her intestines
Her overies
Everything
For nothing is safe
Or protected.
It can't be removed
For it is surrounded by a delicate membranous shell
Filled with cancerous fluid
Which will spread if broken
Cause many of these types of tumors.
There is no cure
Or treatment
And drugs no longer work
It is a waiting game we play
For her life will be taken
And I bleed for her
I cry and yell
I'm furious at this twist of fate
But I am proud of her
For she is handling this so well.

I love you mom.

It was a wild night
One filled with music, alcohol
Tempers and fun
Explosive moods were touched upon
I was dancing
With everyone and anyone
Going through partners like water
For I was a wild woman
The music filled me
In every cell
I danced to the beat
That I learned so well
My body moved and twisted and turned
It bent into positions
That tomorrow would hurt.
And it felt your eyes upon me
And following my moves
My eyes touched upon you
And stuck as if like with glue.
A finger beckoned
And drew you near
As we swayed and met
I held you near
I eyes never left
And our mouths did meet
But the music just would not
Let go of our feet
Panting followed
As our hearts did race
Suddenly it stopped
And left without a trace.
The night was over
But we still were joined
And with a shy smile
We started out the door
We talked awhile
I learned about you
You like to paraglide
And freestyle rockclimb
You found out that I'm a scrapper
Who seemed to have charmed you.
A mismatched pair
Who just couldn't care.
I finally left to go home
With a linguring kiss
You watched me leave
Knowing that he would never see me again
For tomorrow he leaves town
To find new mountain to jump
And he is as unpredictable as the wind he loves
All I can do is hope
That he will blow into me again.
Until then I dance
As wild as before
Constantly seeking
For the sticky eyes
Which glued me to you
Forever more.

Lily I must say I am Impressed...not that I knew what to expect but I'm still impressed.
I must say, though, Life has a door that swings both ways...If you are on one side you understand this side for you are IT...but the otherside...the meek...it is hard for people like you...and, well, maybe me...to understand...they are not blind, just selective in what they see...the world must go on from day-to-day and they run it...no matter how they do, they still do...
In changing this worlds views in life...which I hope to do somehow...I have asked myself many times...What for? for me? my children perhaps? no no...it's more then that...the people who strive to amke the changes, they make them for the people who are on the otherside of the door...Most of all....the people on this site know how hard this life can be...not everyone is strong enough...we know that...It is not our fault...but it is...to make a change takes not dedication but the open mindedness...the change is made for those who cant see the path...this is destiny...and for destiny to walk in there must be great tragedy...so untill then I wait and grow strong...I wish for you to do the same...

I hope you keep in touch with me...you are a very interesting person...
It's just too bad I am not able to talk to you over a coffee...I would probably enjoy that!

Fireblood out!!

Everyone knows what racism is,
It is something that we see everyday of our lives
Everything from blonde jokes
To hating someone whose skin is darker then our own
But does anyone know about reverse racism?
It is where someone with dark skin
Hates those with a lighter color
It is easy to understand,
And is something that we all can experience
After all, if you were oppressed
And treat like shit
Discriminated against
Give deeming tasks
Which you had to do for there was no other job for you
And you had your family to feed
To be called names
And told that you are worthless
To have no control of your enviroment
Just because your skin was dark
A genetic development beyond your control
Would you not wish to rebell
To have a voice
To feel superior to those around you when you could
To give yourself a sense of control
Of power
Of oppion
In anyway that you could.
Sure you would.
So reverse racism is easy to understand
And everyone can feel like when their lives start to slip
Beyond their control
They hang on harder to places they have control in
We can understand this
And forgive it
After all
They have been oppressed for generations
What is a few days?
But It does not make it right
To turn on people who did you no wrong
Who defended you
Treated you as if you belonged
Who trusted you as a friend
And a good coworker
It does not make it right to turn on them
Threating them as if they are your
Personal white slave
Who must do all that you say
Else they will be beaten by your "friendly" pats
That sends them across the room.
And who covers your ass
Because you are tired
And your back hurts
Or because you just don't feel like it
Why should others suffer
At your hand?
Ok you have a harder life
And not so many advantages
But Why not let the racism end
Do not make people who did you no wrong
Hate you now for personal things
Don't trade in your allies
Who defended you to the world
Who gave you a home in their lifes
All for a few days of superiority.
We all laugh
We all cry
We all have blood
And we are all different
Yet we are all the same.
You know how it feels
Do not inflicked others with your pain
Let today be the day
That racism
Or reverse racism ends
This is all I have to say.

I use to be strong
I use to be unstoppable
Invinciable
I use to be me
But time wares on
Day after day
People depend on me
To always be this way
Emotions are locked up
No time for them now
I must take her to the hospital
Be stronger for her
She needs a crutch
It's my turn to take care of her.
I need to work two jobs in one
Until I have more hours then there is in a day
I need to save up money
So that I can go get an education
And cure her from her disease
To pay for the surgeries
Ignore the pain in my stomach
It will go away
It is someone else who needs me today.
At work they are tired
I had a day off
I can do it alone
For they are stressed out about their student loan
A throbbing in my head begins
Drowned it out
I'll deal with it later
People are angery
Their being treated unfair
There is too much favortism going on in there
They are crying
I've seen it before
Stuff needs to be said
But they don't have the strength anymore
A spokes person I have become
For they are still too young
I Double in pain
But straighten again
For I need to be strong
They are crying again
I travel too fast
I need to be there all at once
There are way too many things that need to be done.
I am tired
And moving too slow
I bump into a wall
Fall down the stairs
A few broken ribs
I now have to bare
I don't need a doctor
Nothing is punctured
I have to keep going
They need me more.
I get yelled at now
For I am not good enough
Wearing me down
Swallowing to many drugs
The pain is so great
I can't concentrate
I have my hours cut
Need to push on
I have a job to get done
A personal flaw
Of someone older
Is like a bug sitting on my shouldar
I tell the boss
I can't handle this alone
But now I'm being racist
And I should leave it alone.
Consumed in pain
I drag myself around
Not enough brain cells are working
To keep my feet on the ground
The air is gone
The ground is my pillow
A hard pillow
But the only one I hit
Sugar levels are low
Dam being diabetic
Shaking is there
Now I am scared
Tears flowing down my whitened cheeks
GET UP
WE NEED YOU
Unconcious now
I drift off through death
I wonder if this is my gift
To myself.

A bud is born
In a velvet night
A dream is aspired
And love is insight
This bud in savored
By nature's kiss
And soon it blooms
To shower all with it's gift
A delicate Lily
In the palest of white
Shines so brightly
In the soft moonlight
But the glistening stars
Gets covered by the clouds
Seperating the flower
From it's strength
And pouring rain
Comes crashing down
And thunders anger
Shakes the ground
Tearing the petals
A piece at a time
Smashing it's stem
Not yet full of life
But as the storm blows past
The stars now weep
For the gift of the Lily
Lays broken at their feet.

In a place
With no time or space
Is a hidden thought
Not yet born
And surrounded by fiery walls
Of loss and pain
Drowned in remorse and punishment
Sufficated
When air turns away
And will not bless it with it's breath
And claws shred it till it bleeds
Wisdom
And life
The pressure meant to destroy
Actually reveals
A hidden gem inside
One which shines brightly
And will not die
One who is protected by love
If only by a few
But to these individuals
It thanks you.