 | | whirlwind
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| unfeeling thread -
05-01-02
forever,
i dreamed,
i cared,
i cried,
i died for nothing...,
a meaning in a lie from an unborn truth,
which to seek an end to a thought that wont fade,
i wake to nothing to live for nothing,
so am i nothing now...........??
asleep i fade,
the world remains even if im gone it wont change...
tried to see a future in me that will never be so it's just a dream...
to be lost and not care to face an empty world without fear and nothing to lose,
untied to find that all those feelings lied,
a wish...to never feel again...to see the futures end
to never see a tear fall for me...and never be again,
i wait for the dream to fade
forever meant nothing,
i fell into her arms but it was never meant to be me
forever for nothing
i wake to dream a lie never to cry again
"The undeserving maintain power by promoting hysteria.” | |
|  | | Lusus Naturæ
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| Re: unfeeling thread -
05-01-02
Quote: Originally posted by coldandsilent
forever,
i dreamed,
i cared,
i cried,
i died for nothing...,
a meaning in a lie from an unborn truth,
which to seek an end to a thought that wont fade,
ake to nothing to live for nothing,
so am i nothing now.......??
asleep i fade,
the world remains even if im gone it wont change...
tried to see a future in me that will never be so it's just a dream...
to be lost and not care to face an empty world without fear and nothing to lose,
untied to find that all those feelings lied,
a wish...to never feel again...to see the futures end
to never see a tear fall for me...and never be again,
i wait for the dream to fade
forever meant nothing,
i fell into her arms but it was never meant to be me
forever for nothing
i wake to dream a lie never to cry again [/b]
| I like. I really do. Definitely a bit powerful in the emotional factor.
My personal belief (not shared by all) is that poetry should be musical; the meter and rhymes should stress the important areas of the poem, magnify them. I bolded the rhymes I liked, and there were some really good metrical qualities; I like "untied to find all those lies" a bit better than your line. Some revision might be possible if you want to change to a more rhythmic stature, but that's just me the non-free verse fan  .
I liked, and definitely feel the emotion.
Bismarck once said "Fools say they like to learn from their experiences, but I prefer to learn from the experience of others."
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| | | Registered User
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|
05-01-02
That was a awesome poem. I have never read anything you wrote before. I have seen your name around though.
Anyway I just wanted to say how much I liked your poem. You did a splend job. Write more soon won't you?
Light touches day..Day touches night. Dark touches me so hold on tight.
"I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinion of himself than on the opinion of others.'' | |
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| a lonely little girl -
05-01-02
wow,
i like it.... i'm kind of new and when i read this poem.... wow it was great.... please write more.... | |
| | | le 3ième oeil
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|
05-04-02
it's circling.
quite near.
too many forevers.
piercing. | |
| | | whirlwind
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|
05-20-02
face back,
another falls through,
react,
is some thing i can't do,
realize,
there's nothing inside these eyes,
understand i cannot care,
damn me for i should die,
i said i love you and i know i lied,
faked,
all i felt,
when you left is when my heart failed.
unbreathe,
the things i said and what you felt when you never did,
run,
is all i do and now im through with feeling for you
"The undeserving maintain power by promoting hysteria.” | |
| | | whirlwind
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|
05-22-02
Don’t walk away,
we'll make them bleed to watch them pay,
what is left is only mine,
so damn you're beauty till I’m blind,
cause my love was in your eyes but now id rather die then feel inside,
if I bled my lies you'd never know because you don't care,
I won't ever live that way again,
cause now only flaws exist,
under this skin hides my offense,
only to fade in your presence,
understate the thoughts in my mind,
just to be with you in this rain,
holding the devil in myself again,
just to watch this world end,
fear this cycle as it ends,
finding what’s left in my friends,
remembering my mistakes....when I lost control...to the point where you're a dream.....a memory....that i can't recall,
"The undeserving maintain power by promoting hysteria.” | |
| | | The Devil's Rolemodel
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05-22-02
beautiful work dear, i can really feel the emotion in it.
for being an "unfeeling" thread, it sure does have alot of feeling in your words....
but like i said before, beautiful, sad, and it seems to have a ring of hoplessness in it... (i dunno maybe its just me *shrugs* )
i love your work though, im in awe....
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my latest obsession | |
| | | whirlwind
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|
05-22-02
thanks alot ill try to keep it up
"The undeserving maintain power by promoting hysteria.” | |
| | | whirlwind
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|
05-23-02
cross the light,
to weak to fight,
lose my mind,
one more time,
hey! what do you want?
it doesn't matter to me cause i don't want it,
fall again,
fake the dream again,
you're not the only one that can feel,
so please show me what is real,
am i suppose to kneel?
tell me and i will,
show me what's really inside,
or do these feeling only lie,
as if you've ever known,
what it truly means to be alone,
another time another waste,
now could you kindly let me know or let me go
just to fade inside
"The undeserving maintain power by promoting hysteria.” | |
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|
05-29-02
full of constance
swirling in and out
and i've got a chance
my mind is a bredding ground
for all this hate
and so i close in
on myself
haunting my soul
i'm on my own
waves like this
make me wonder
question
my reasoning
and the music
it gives me a will to live
play it long
and lasting
loud enough for the world to hear
maybe they'll understand
but here in my room
i just can't see
i just can't feel the light
bring it to me
- thought you might like this, i wrote it for you. don't know why but it just felt right. | |
| | | whirlwind
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|
06-05-02
thank you miss i liked that alot 
"The undeserving maintain power by promoting hysteria.” | |
| | | Registered User
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06-05-02
no problem my dear
miss yah till thursday | |
| | | Registered User
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06-05-02
hey cold, where's the pics? you promised!
oh i think i am gonna take some this weekend. i promise to post mine. this time they will be uhm what's the word yummy? very very much so. so wish me luck, i'll try not to look too much like a porn star! heheheheheh | |
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06-07-02
hello my sweet, i looked for you, but you're not here
the ringer waits | |
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06-07-02
she bent her arms to reach for him
she relished in the space they gave
and he knew no names
no words to speak
it's a tragic love story
she was the last of all her world
the last with her passions
and a fire inside
that held her to herself
smooth face
her cries heard a million miles around
history of no other
but he denied her truth
a lie
a prohecy of demons
a prohetess of merciless ways
who's empty now
that she lays dead
her body dormant at her side
a woman of love
and trust
and a realness no one else could offer
all for the sake of fear my love
"mistrust"
her last words
and then her lips lay cold
- i don't know where this came from but i thought you'd like it too | |
| | | whirlwind
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| just to break the silence for a bit -
06-27-02
I close my eyes to see
there's nothing inside my dreams
not a face to say i know
I can only remember how i felt
even though you say you care
I look around and you're not there
and your face is all i want to see
in my mind im fading with out you to say we're still friends
but to be fare i know i only dream
seems know you're all i know or feel
so this is all i know and all i can be
"The undeserving maintain power by promoting hysteria.” | |
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