Reality Beams

reality beams into my world/
through litle strands of light/
that bind me to te secular/

the light of realty wisps/
around in the breeze/
with such a swet aroma/
as it pleasently fills my lungs/
and being/

then come the sorrow/
and despair/
that comes with/
the realization of life/

the problems that mount/
on an event/
that moves so slow/
and causes the most pain/

the wisp of reality/
now seems so foul/
reality deals with/
the realization/
of all your false/
covers/

the light through the blnd/
the incense by the vase/ t
he thoughts in your mind/
denial/

reality beams into my little world/
while i hide away/
from it/
becasue i do no wish to face/
the truth/

so i hide in a hole/
down away from teh light/
of reality/
so do not have to/
puncture its surface/

Trying to Find a Shard

standing over the burnt remains/
of my smoking hope/
sifting through the ashes/
trying to find a shard/
large enough to hold onto/

the moment it caught fire/
was the moment i knew it left/
signals had ben alerted/
but no alarm/ was in effect/

stading over the burnt remains/
sulking to my satisfaction/
coming to teh realization/
that theres nothing to hold onto/

time to start over again/
and build another dream/
from he burnt ashes/
a new hope/
that hang in the balance/
can be re-born/

standing over the burnt remains/
of my smoking hope/
sifting through the ashes/
trying to find a shard/
large enough to hold onto/

Bounty on your Head

i have all the time in the world/
your tied up right next to me/
you can not run/
but you can hide/
the thoughts in your mind/
and the catching glimpses/
and chance causes/
that give small slivers/
and little glimmers/
of hope that evade/
the governor of reason/
and declare it unruly/
where sudden burst movements/
are the norm/

finger nails/
cant cut through rope/
but you my dear/
are tied in thread/
oh so thin/ try to push it off/
squeeze/
it cuts right through you/
efforts in vain/
cause injury and pain/
self inflicted/
is the way of teh walk/
around here/ your stuck/
and stick in the midst/
of snow where/
one prays to god/
that it just cant get in/
to the hidden room/
tied up and in pain/
where mysical blood/
is poured and sprayed/
like a hidden aroma/
in some potpourri/
a rose thumb/
and a thimble/
of unicorn blood/
to sit and drink/

to devour in the concert of the kingdom cum/
where the raised hairs on your arm/
tell of the future/
of the megalomanic inside/
where the blood is painted/
on the faces of the damned/
and drank into oblivon/
at the price of quick silver/
and mercury/
predicted to give you/ eternal life/

said i got a bounty on your head/ and a price for you./

Hookah Hiatus

i am sitting here/
light-headed as hell/
thinking/
why do i put all/
of this blame upon myself/
i can barely see straight/
and there is an aching in my gut/
the smoke from the coal/
wafts around in the air/

the hookah hose/
just sits next to me/
on the bed/
like a snake skin/
that has molted/
and is just left behind/
like a rememberance of a lost phase/
that one has more than matured out of/
or the forced uphevel/
out of a confident stage of adolecence/

my eyes do not se straght/
and are burning from the smoke/
my gut is twisting from the/
menthol lemon/
my legs feel weak and shaky/
like a milion little ants are crawling over them/
and tickling each pore/
of my body/
my neck/
no longer wants to hold up my head

Amongst the Ruins of Hope--

dreams are shrivled by the sun/
and dried in a pit of apathy/
then force-fed to us/
until we realize our failure/

failure only regurgitates failure/
left to circle te same path/
until our trivial existance/
is all but obvious/

trying to act betwen false power/
and real pride/
until your groping amongst the ruins of hope/
pulling out foolish/
and far-fetched thoughts/

Taciturn Knowledge Of The Clairvoyancy

preminitions/
you see before you speak/
knowing only by your will/
executing all your thoughts/
on the whim on fraility/

your clairvoyant majesty/
dethroned by a carbon copy/
a silicate mother/

your actions are based on/
solitary thoughts/
non-provoked/
but ill adapted/

deception/
through your own contemplation/
do you see the way/
deceive all who do not/
receive the gift/

encounters that you predict/
push away the efforts/
of intruders/
the unwanted/
sportsman who come/
to try the game/

you love in vain/
so niave/
so shallow/
a narcissist with their head cut off/
chasing after the mule/
is a long road/

taciturn/
till youve found your purpose/
speak only the utter/
that is worth hearing/

remincent/
to the dreams of morrow/
the clairvyancy/

omnicent/
you know all/
but remain taciturn/
untill you are willing/
to share your knowledge/
from within/

Duplicitious Dichotomy

better to take the fall/
and break your back/
/ than to stand around/
and watch/

to watch your feet/
swept from under you/
and see the world flipped upside down/
to lay under water/
and see the distorted world/
through the clear water/
and see/
maybe life/
and a blur/

to cross yous eyes/
and see two of everything/
one real/
one not/
which one should i chase?
one that will dissolve when i go to grab it/
and just dissipate/
through the fingers on my hand/
and fall through/
like sand thru a seive/

duplicitious nature/
is human/
and expected/
yet frowned upon/
like a contradictory dichotomy/
a realization of what/
is accepted and expected/
yet refused to be seen as the norm/

Reality Beams

a little too "telling" rather than "showing"...has a very plain tone to it...and the rhythm doesn't flow too well...


Trying To Find A Shard

hmmm...I think you can work some more with this one...it's got some good imagery and there's a meaning behind it, but I don't think it really stands out...and the repetition gets redundant


Bounty on Your Head

Nice!


Hookah Hiatus

Oh, I want to get stoned! I liked this one as well. A good piece to read at a poetry reading, in my opinion.


Taciturn Knowledge of the Clairvoyancy

I didn't get it, but I liked it. Nice imagery, good rhythm (kind read like a street-poet's).


Duplicitious Dichotomy

Not enough imagery to tickle my fancy. Reads like a rant.

so do you have any advice on how i shoukd make them better, how to fix my problems with it
?

That's for you too figure out. Poetry isn't like other styles of writing...fixing it is all up to you. Just take my comments and see if you agree with 'em. If not, no problem then. If so, then perhaps you should play around with the poem a little.

i wil sit, and see if i can measure my rhythm and meter more, and see who i can change, maybe make soem lines a little longer. lol

i have an idea of how to fix it now all i need to do is find teh time

I feel I have the same issues with the rhythm, however, I enjoyed reading them.