this is so I can have all my poetry in one place, you can reply to my junk if you want I just want to get it all posted *loves*

i didnt really know you, i still dont
but you acted like my brother
protective and watchful
you were there when i needed to talk
when the world was alive and i was silent
you have watched over me ever since i met you
knowing i was safe and to your arms i can always run.
you were there at the house,
where i was violated beyond belief
when he hit, when he drank
but what happened there never left the room
i didnt want to tell you
im not shure what to do
i feel so alone and violated
but noone really knows
about the pain and the anguish
that my hindering eyes hide so well
on my face, another mark from another drunken fool
out of control i should have left then
but stayed, i didnt want to ruin your fun
but the name calling i could handle
but the sting of the back of his hand was too much
as i laid on the floor i retreated into a shell
that has never been cracked, even by the closest
shrouded in confusion i didnt say a word to him
i just got up and walked away and told you i wanted to leave
so as i said before i retreated to your arms for comfort
but was confused and said i had a headach
when i know i should have told you
but now i will hide this secret
as you watch through loving eyes as i change
but i will always know your loving arms'
but you will never know my dark secrets

why did you say you loved me
i really thought you cared
i wanted tobreak away, spread my wings and fly free
but your lies were an invisible cage, clipping my wings

but you cannot cripple this dove
for in this world of hate and lies
i still have unconditional love
for everything i touch and everyone i meet

you thought you had taken my wings
that you controlled my life
i was your pupet, you were my master, controlling my strings
i have been down and out before and i still prevailed!

you can take away my hopes and dreams
clip my wings, torch my future
hit and choke till there are no more screams
walk all over me till i feel worthless

but what i hide you cannot see
for my love still grows stronger
but all you want to do is destroy me
but down below there is at least 1 angel who always helps

you can no further bruise my pride
i am untouchable
for now i am a midnight bride
and the devil is my master

he controls my life my dreams
but at least he does not hit
i dont get bruises, i do not cry overflowing streams
but my life does not exist

run a rose pedal along the curves of my bodi
no actual phisical contact is made
there is no need
just your sweet words are love enough
as we cuddle in the ight of a blistering fire
you wisper all your dreams and disires
you have gotten to know every freckle on my face
long before the skin of my inner thighs
you have gotten to know me from the heart and not the lips
you were interested in my dreams
you were content just listening to me for hours on end
but this was not a dream and it will have no end
for this is my fairy tale and how it will be until the blissful end

fallen star why do you cry
is it because you no longer shine in the night sky
you dont glitter you dont dance
all you want is one more chance
but if you were given this opportunity to correct what was wrong
you still wouldnt have made it you are not that strong
the devil has a grip on you that is not letting go
you will only be set free if you let the love inside you show
but of this you dont understand you are frightened to feel
so now your soul the devil will steal
i tried to help you win this war
but you were unrelinquished to evil, right to the core
you had sold you soul for only a love that was fake
but your soul you figure you can just remake
but now my fallen star
you and i will soon have to see each other from afar
i will get cast out of hell and into the mercy of heaven
and you will get banished from heaven and thrown into hell
we are nolonger aquatinces we are evil vs. good
devil vs. god
but i will always remember you were once a bright and shining star

another dream that will never come true
i dont see how so many can look up to you
after you let them down in so many ways
just like little animals one after the other prays
they have no soul, you only put that in their heads
for so many hours on so many nights countless heads laid on countless beds
to pray to someone who is invisible to them
like a dead rose broken at the stem
you let them down and are heedless to their calls
not even if one after the other falls
weather it be in anger or hurt everyone dies
why do you have to tell so many lies
you say it will be painless and you will greet them at golden gates
but what about the rest of us who dont have similar fates
who dont believe in you and pray to another
this is what they grew up with, taught be their mother
what about those who seek redemption
and want to be pulled right out of condemptionfor isnt it true that we are all your creations
and how you recieve so many admireations
this is what i was taught to question right before the bell
for this are you going to cast me into hell?
or say you forgive me for all of my sins and all the wrong
forgive me for taking that hit off a bong?
well i am not sorri i wont ask for you to forgive me
because i know i wont see the light, i wont see what you see
i will spend an eternity in a silent hell
so dont send me to fix that broken angel that fell
for i dont want to live that lie
so now it is not my time to die
i am not your servent or slave
i wont give you the respect that the others gave
i will sit alone and wonder why
why you make so many angels cry
for everyone is an angel in my eyes
and i dont want you to be heedless to their cries
i want you to help them and i will ask if i may
that you shed a bit of light on people even if they dont pray
in this world of destruction, hurt and hate
give those a chance that deserve a good fate and dont cast people into the depths of hell
for they are just an angel who fell

rain drops soak her black hair
her pale skin bare
midnight black make up running down her cheek
she feels to betrayed to speak
he had told her he loved her and taken her soul
getting in her pants must have been his goal
gaining her trust and then taking her heart
she should not have trusted him from the start
he told her that he loved her, how much she care
sharing the secrets she and him had shared
trying to keep his love is what she most desired
now her heart is eneergized, before it was tired
from being betrayed and hurt
from all the guys who felt up her skirt
she might act real cool, but she has no respect for herself
all her feeling she put up hid on a shelf
locked up her heart and glued on a smile
but this rutine has been worn out for a while
he knows of her mask and knows just how to hurt her
make her suicidal for shure
now her sprit flys high with the midnight ravens
and she wishes to protect you withing her havens

this habbit i cants stop
even though i know i should
it helps me keep my sanity
without it i would not be here today
each time i touch that cold steel to my skin
it goes a littl deeper, a little closer
some people think im crazy
but they dont understand
without this habbit, i would not be alive
i would not be here today or even yesterday
for there was a time in my life in which i wished i was never born
i thought maybe then the fighting would stop
and the punching and the slapping and the choking
would all have been a nightmare
and maybe, just maybe i would wake up to a warm house
instead of a shit hole
a full stomach
instead of hunger pains
close that fit
instead of wearing close from the previous years
a loving family
instead of a mob of violent demons
but this was my world, my reality
what i had to go thru day after day
i went thru more shit than most people do in their entire lives
and so when people who dont even know me accuse me of things
like being fake or living a lie to escape realit
i do it because i know reality
i lived in hell for more than half of my life
i have lived on the streets,
been beaten to a bloody pulp
have gone for weeks on end with only a slice of bread
this is why i live in a different world,
and why i dont let anyone in
i know reality
and how god doesnt exist
and if he does he is no better than satan himsalf
i was only a child i did nothing wrong
i hadnt comitted any sins
why didnt he save an innocent young girl?
and so now i am ot so innocent and i have turned my back on him
i have commited many sins just to betray him like he betrayed me
so now i live a life of termoil and fantasy
just because of someone elses mistake
so now i chose to take the pain away
with the cold sting of a steel blade
cutting thru my skin

you touch so many with your heart of gold
this is why i cant understand why you can be so cold.
you have helped me and many in the past
then why can you give up on yourself so fast
i would help you if you would just let me into your life
maybe then i could relieve a little bit of your strife
but now your world is dark and cold
to me i wish your heart is sold
but you retuned by her side
and in me you no longer confide
i wish to help you but i cannot
for it is me you have now forgot.
so now i sit here all alone
but you hurting me i now condone
i will wait for you to return to me
where you will be home, where you will be free

Some say that I still love him
And this I already know
My blood has exceeded the brim
I have only scars and tears to show
We were very different him and me
He was night i was day
All I wanted was to be set free
I was just looking for someone to hold me you could say
Now my life, shrouded and torn
Caught in a trap by loves cruelest twist of fate
All I have left in this cold limp body is hate and scorn
It is your mistress of midnight of whom I hate
I know we were nothing and thats all we'll ever be
Seeing you two together makes me go insane
Keeping my mind off of you is the key
For I have to live with so much resentment and pain
All you gave me was a conterted social image and a broken and bruised heart
There is nothing I can do to make you love me more
I should have just walked away from you from the start
You helped label me a slut and whore
Now I have noticed all you saw in me was another girl
I just wish you would have taken the time to get to know me AnD start to love me in return
You said my skin was soft and the color of a pearl
This is what you liked and what you saw in me that made your lust burn
For that is all you felt for me, was phsical attraction and lust
You never once thought of me, espcially when you were with her
Now my heart and mind are about to bust
And when she told you to do something, you would do it, she made shure
So now I give my love to another who deserves it more
He is more respectful and sweet to me than you ever could be
He doesn't treat me like a whore
And he wants to set me free

Dark clouds roll into my mind
They cause diluded vision and poor judgement
These clouds are fused by love
None other than satan himself
Love is darknes, but some say it's the light
But I disagree all love has brought me is anguish
I have never seen the light of love
For I am forever surrounded in darkness
I have a mask that conceals me
Behind this is hide
I will never be brave enough to take it off
For I know that love will find me once again
And rip and tear at my heart endlessly
I once knew love and it wore a mask like me,
It came in and seemed kind at first
I had no clue it had a thirst for blood and tears
For love is fueled off of destruction
It leaves nothing but torn lives in its wake
And it wears many faces
One of which you wore
nNow my life is dark and destorted
All because I welcomed love
I welcomed evil into my world
And for this I now pay
Pay in tears and bloodshed
In which I cause myself.
You destoyed my heart
Now all I have is an empty cavity in my chest

I give me to you
I have sold my soul to you
I am your slave I always will be
Forever
I give my body to you
I know that I will be miserable without you
So I give me to you
Only out of love, lust, hate and jelousy
Love from me to you
Lust from the love we made
Hate of the one who rips you heart out constantly
Jelousy of what feelings you have for her
The love the two of you made
The lust you created with her
Will always be more than we ever had
More intense, sensual, and meaningful
For me to think of this....
Makes me want to have you more
But to forget you is impossibe
Because I gave my body and soul to you
I will give anything I have ever known or own to you
Because I will always love you

No attachments, thats what you wanted
All you wanted was to try and forget her
But my body you soon realized was not an outlet
And you just got hurt more
I thought we would be together
But you soon returned by her side
Like a dog returning to its master
She is your massiah
You took hers, as well as mine
But you loved her, unlike me
I was just a rebound
And all you wanted was no attachments

I am left alone in this world of lies
No one to talk to; everyone is heedless to my cries
I dont ususally talk much
And my skin is cold to the touch
For there is only one in which I confide
And this person is no longer by my side;
Driven away by jelousy and rage
My feelings a movie; my life a stage.
I would not give myself to him
He was drunk and anger spilling over the brim
His hand hits my face
And now my love he can never replace
In my head emotions went wild
My subtle reaction was I just got up and smiled
Walked away and never look back
Love and companion ship is what he will lack.
Still to this day I have only seen him twice
And both times he was not very nice.
But no one cares about how much this hurt me
I tried to show someone tried to let it be
I cant just forgive and forget
I should have never tried to calm him down; our meeting I regret
But the person who I thought would care
Try to talk to me and heal these open wounds, but this he did not dare
He doesnt care about promises that were maid
My soul now bruised, my heart now freyed
It is still in need of repair
All I need is someone to care
But prmises broken are never carried out
And the one person will never fulfil any promises made to me; without a doubt.
He will never see me cry
Or look down on me from heaven
Or keep me safe from violent punches
I will get through this on my own
For in this world of broken promises and dreams..I am all alone

In my fairytale i meet a man
Who knows the curves of my face,
Every freckle on my cheeks,
Every strand or hair that falls in my eyes,
Long before he knows my tender kiss
The freckles of my shoulders,
The soft skin on my tummy
And the gracious curves of my hips.

In my fairytale we dance under the stars
Sing in the rain
Fall asleep next to the warmth of a fire,
Talk until dawn.
This man I will spend the rest of my life with
Will come to learn if i ever wore braces
If I ever had glasses or contacts.
He will know me from the heart and sould
Not from my body.

In my fairytale we grow old together.
He will be my best friend
Someone in whice I confide my deepest and darkest secrets.
He will know me inside and out,
And we will create dreams of iron,
Not of sand

But I realzie it is JUST a fairytale
And love is just love
It is never perfect like the pictures i paint in my head.
It is like a rose
So beautiful, but it also has thorns
But every once in a while
You get that perfect rose
Without any thorns
This love without thorns is precious and unique
Like they pair was made for each other
And then this sort of fairytale occurs.

But I know I will never have a fairytale
I have too many thorns
So I realize that is why it is a firaytale and not a reality,
But I can always create a new fairytale
And pick out my thorns...
I know I will meet a man
And my life will be a fairytale

As I stand with hope depleted
I felt so sick as life receded
Tears of Blood dripped from my eyes
Darkness overcame me by surprise
I felt my heart clench within my chest
I was nearing my eternal rest
I felt a dark presence as life was slipping
Death comes a ripping
Yet light overcame and crushed the dark
As I heard a regal spirit hark
Telling me to return to light
And fight Death, the Dark Night
I vanquished the evil presence
Leaving only me and the lovely essence
And so I saw the voice I heard
An angel with beauty of no written words
Then I was overcame by a bright flash
The angel was gone leaving me in hash
I now live life remembering that day
When my life almost drifted away

By: Justin

Why do you treat me so well?
As if I'm not a prize,
Like you don't own me and my life
And for my love you will not compromise.

You want my heart and not my body
My mind you want to savor, and not control
I just dont understand why you love me so...
I am just an object, and a stupid ho

You have never one asked for a favor
And our love is something that I always wish to savor
You fulfill my dreams
And want to help me sail my streams

For this I am greatful, I just dont understand
Why you are so good to me
No one has ever treated me like you do
But I want to show you, open your eyes so you can see

See that the world is not just fun and games
There is destruction and hurt
In this world there is no one like you
The only thing a guy wants is to get up my skirt

I have lived with this anguish all my life
Now that you are here I feel free
I am truly happy to be in your arms
Now we are closer now that you can see

I will do anything for you
I will do anything for us
I am so lucky, for a guy like you, there are only so few
I will give you anything you want and everything you will ever need

You are my savior you are my massiah
To have you in my life
When you hold me everything is better
You have releaved me of all of my strife

So now we can go in peace
Have a faritale end
Live for eternity
My pride I will no longer have to defend

I made a mistake
The tears now show
Actions speak louder than words
My world now black and cold nothing will grow
Not even love
My heart is now dead and decayed
It crumples into ashes
And blows away with the midnight breeze
I am now cold and bitter
Wishing I could cut so deep it would all end
But of course, as always
I am a coward and I cannot sever my skin with this sharp blade
For now I will remain without feeling or love
I have become a concrete angel

I feel weak and sick
I knew it was me you wouldnt pick
I wish I could live up to your standards of the perfect girl
Even though my skin is as fair as a pearl
My hair black as night
On your lips, I wish to bite
Chain you up using handcuffs
Gag your mouth so the only soundes you can make are grunts and huffs
I wish to please every nerve in your body
I'm feeling a little bit naughty
Candle wax dripping on your bare skin
Most people dont think this, there is too much sin
Ropes are needed so you cant break free
Black heeled boots up to my knee
Corset fits just right
Not tied too tight
Easily removeable
But of this you are uncapeable
Tied to my bed
Telling you things I should have already said
Whispering sweet words of love, I contaminate your head
I'll make you wish you are never dead
My words feel like honey to your ears
I make you realize your inner most fears
I strip you down to the bare real you
In exchange I show you the real me too
Finally I give into what you most desire
We make love our passion, hot as fire
I tease you a little before I give in
For I am about to commit the most retchid sin
You could have had all of this
But you over-looked it and I am giving myself to someone new and it is me you will miss