I wrote this poem shortly after my fiance committed suicide. I guess I'm posting it because I miss him, and this seems like a way to honor his memory.

I don’t know what to say
Or even where to start
But I never would have guessed
It’d be you to break my heart

You can just walk away
But I don’t feel the same
My love for you was true
And to you it was all a game

I wish there were a way
I could go back in time
To hold you in my arms
As if you were still mine

Please someone tell me when
This pain will go away
When I’ll forget the past
And move on to another day

A day where just for once
Your face won’t cross my mind
I won’t think of our memories
I'll just leave them all behind

I won’t think of our good nights
Or the way you made me feel
I’ll move on to someone new
Someone whose love is real

I won’t miss your arms around me
Holding me so tight
I won’t long to feel your body
Pressed against mine through the night

The memory of your kiss
Will finally disappear
And never again for you
Shall I shed another tear

I say all this right now
Wishing it would be true
But I know tonight, Ill go to bed,
Crying over you....

hmmm....there's a number of things i could say, but as this is a "personal" piece (and i'm sorry to hear about that) i won't say much....especially negative criticism...

however, on the positive side it was very descriptive and sad......

i'ma give ya a scratch n' sniff sticker (chocolate flavor) and a blow-pop.....

hmm wow that sucks, U have had it very rough lately. I normally say welcome to df at this point, but this isn't the happiest of times to be coming here. though i wonder if anyone is happy when they come here? how long ago did this happen if you don't mind me asking? if you don't want to talk about it that is cool too. it is just the time it takes for you to move on with your life will be different if it happened yesterday or a year ago. Though I think for things like this, you never will forget and you will always carry this with you, especially since you seemed to really love him.

I don't mind talking about it at all. I would like to make it clear, though, that I did not post the poem as a way to get sympathy. I was truly trying to honor his memory. (I feel like I have to over-clarify myself on this board... hence the babbling)

Anyway, it happened on Dec. 8, 2002. He was a really really abusive guy, but I still loved him with all of my heart. I know that sounds ridiculous and that I should have told him to fuck off the very first time he layed his hands on me, but he kept convincing me that it would never happen again...blah blah blah... you know how that goes. Anyway, We had gotten in an argument about something really petty that night. I can't remember what it was. To make a long story as short as I can, I ended up with a broken ring finger on my left hand and a concussion from his fist hitting the side of my head full force. Eventually, he went and got his .357 Magnum. I thought for sure I was dead. I figured he'd kill me and then himself since that's what he threatened to do for so long. He went into the bedroom and locked the door. After about ten minutes, I decided that I should go into the bedroom to try to make up with him. I tried to get in the bedroom door, but he had locked it. I called his name and got no answer. Then I told him that I was going to kick the door down if he didn't answer me. (I was really scared of what was behind the door) I got no answer a couple more times, so I kicked the door in. He was laying on the bed with the gun in his mouth, and as soon as I rounded the corner and looked at him, he pulled the trigger. There was nothing I could do to stop him. Of course, I was in shock and disbelief...etc.

That is basically what happened. I left a lot out - I'm sure nobody really cares to hear it, so I spared everyone. Perhaps now you can understand the poem a little better. *Shrugs* Than again - maybe not.

YOU KILLED HIM!!!!!! didn't you....

well, now that you've shared that bit of information with us, i ain't sorry and am glad said asshole shot himself in the head.....i mean, ok, a part of me is "sorry" for you (despite not really knowing ya)....but i have no sympathy for any man who hits a woman....

Ditto what sixxx said, the asshole got his. And quite frankly, any poem 'honoring' such a bastard is pathetic. (Nevermind the rhyming and lack of punctuation.)

yeah, see i didn't try to go the whole "it rhymes" and blah, blah, blah route 'cuz it was a personal piece....but now that you've said it fucky.....yeah, IT RHYMES!!!! GAH! horrid...horrid....

you still get a scratch n sniff tho 'cuz it was very vivid

Okay, so I'm never posting poetry again. I really appreciate all of the lovely comments about him, my rhyming, and my lack of punctuation. That really helped me to feel better.

no, no.....you gotta realize darlin'....you a nubbie....you're gonna get reamed lots here....but um, i don't apologize for him, but shall say no more....

but as far as the poetry goes, don't be all "i ain't postin' here" because of some criticism....

i try to give a very detailed explanation about my critique......punctuation doesn't bother me so much, but it is a good way to show a poem has flow....

as for rhyming....itz necessarily rhyme scheme.....rhyme scheme is an old, old, old, old form of poetry....and often times the most cliched sign that one is an amateur poet.....most poetry today (contemporary poets such as ginseberg, AI, ackerman, plath, kerouack, bukowski, etc.) have paved the way for prose poetry, which is more or less the type of poetry most poets/publishers/readers want to read....although there are some other schools of poetry: surrealism, modernism, post-modernism, slam poetry........but, the fact of the matter is, rhyme scheme is essentially dead and poets hate it......if you were to go to a poetry reading or even submit a poem with rhyme scheme to a publisher, you'd be instantly branded......the only way rhyme works anymore in poetry is with like slam poetry (which is somewhat like a rap style of poetry).......but yeah....

but like i said, your poem was very vivid, had nice imagery....which is a good thing......

but the main, main, main problem with rhyme scheme in this piece is that rhyme scheme always gives off a "whimsical/upbeat tone".....and this piece is obviously sad.....so, it contradicts the overall feel of the poem and pretty much kills it.....

but by all means....post more.....there's no such thing as bad criticism

Oh boo hoo, I couldn't care less. And of course you're more than welcome to post poems about whatever the hell you want... (baby murder, wife beating, nazism, special angsty goth cutcutcut feelings, whatever) And I have every right to share my comments with something I find morally reprehensible.

Thank you for the explanation, Sixx... I appreciate it, and actually agree with it. However, you cannot expect someone who had just seen their loved one die in such a bloody, nasty way to spit out the best poetry. Besides, I didn't write it for anyone but myself and him. Whether you argree with my honoring him or not is your choice.

Here's another poem I have written. This will prove to you that I really have no talen when it comes to poetry.... I simply enjoy it. I am well aware that I am no poet:

Rhetoric

Again I am alone with my thoughts
Amid these tranquil, rustling leaves
The wind has a freshness
A renewed vigor
I long to see
Truly see what is life
All that I think I know
Is contained within; not true
There are many constants here
Yet this one stirs me most
How is not my question
But Why?
Is tomorrow an empty shell
For which only comes more questions
Is there a solution
Besides my end
Will I forever question
That which I cannot answer
Or is this a question
Rhetorical…

actually, no....that was quite good....it had some imagery, was somewhat of a prose piece but with a flow.....that was really good....that m'dear, is poetry......

poetry is an artform y'know....to be good at it, you gotta read it, study it, practice it....we all start out shitty then get better......you should check out my thread "since i love to bitch SO much" to get a feel of how i write.....most poets here on DF suck....

save for white lily, fuckdoll, velvet, hexsass (what the fuck happened to him by the way?!) and um....i'm missing some others.....but ho-hum

you're missing anti & dsc, fo sho.

Well, thanks, but I'm not going to post anymore on here for my own reasons. I had only planned on posting the one for the reason I already stated. Mission accomplished - now I'm done.

have it your way....

and um....anti's good too....and druggy's alright...

I'll keep an eye out for them.

yes....NOW GO READ MINE!

Hahaha... okay

yeeeeee *dance of joy*

jeez guys, be nice to the newbies else you scare them away, and it matters not what you think of the content of the poem, it was personal to her and whether you agree with it or not she loved him and did watch him kill himself. That will inspire emotions in anyone.

anyways.....the second poem was good, not as vivid as the first one but more what sic calls (poetry). *whispers* and sic says I don't suck, but I don't read or study poetry, I just write. lol.