This next one is sorta gross, that I wrote. Hope you all like.



This is my first time on here..Hi everyone, and the 2 poems below I just got off the top of my head just now. The 2nd one in orange isn't finished I have the rest of it on paper where I wrote it down. I post it soon.

Why it the sky blue,
and in Winter everyone gets the flu?
Why is the sun so bright,
and if you stare at it you'll lose your sight?
Why does rain come from clouds,
and when people fight,
everyone gathers in crowds?
Why is the world so small,
And when animals die, little kids bawl?
Why?Why?Why?
Thats what I'd like to know,
wouldn't you?
Well guess what me and you arn't the only ones,
others do to.

As I lay down and I find deep sleep,
She comes to me her eyes loving and deep.
From within she starts,
From without she stands,
A world of love held tight within her hands.
A more Beautiful Lady I have never before seen,
To the world and to her people,
she is a Goddess and a Queen.

Below in Blue is One of my most recent Poems I wrote.

your love is like an ocean that goes down so deep,
your love is like a rose whose beauty you want to keep,
your love is like a dove with a message to send,
your love is like a river that never ends,
your love is like a song that goes on forever,
your love is like a prisoneer it to you i surrender.

Below again is another poem I just recently thought of.

My words to you:
I luv u with all my heart , my body and my soul, i luv u like no other which is a luv i cant control; I try pouring my soul 2 u right from the very start, you mean everything 2 me ur always be in my heart; i hate when your not here and ur always away i cry then, a tear hits the heart and forever it will stay; the reason i fell for you cause u were lovable and sweet the reason i adore u cause u make my heart beat; but yet i sit here and make this poem for you with a rythem and ryhme and yes i luv u with all my heart and no ur not wasting ur time; the last thing i want to say is i always want u to be here and never to go and if u can do that then everything will be perfect which now on i know.

Roses have faded, violets are dead,
apart from the world and empty soul is fed.
Fed to the night and a blistering tear,
drowned in the seas of darkness for death is near.
As black enters the night and cold enters the wind,
a drip of blood is buried somewhere deep within.
Not that you care for in this darkness I am alone,
and all fate is lost, so I hold onto hope.
Roses have faded, violets are dead,
no one knows the pain for another day is dread.

Here's my last one that I think I will post for tonight.

The Gift of the Wind A sudden breeze alarmed the dust Upon the oaken floor. Made restless travelers of the leaves That pondered at the door...
It gleaned two petals from the rose She'd nurtured as a bride, And paused before the swing he'd built... Then swirled...and moved inside.
It writhed and fumed, and gushed about As if upon a quest. And darted here, receded there... Then languished on his desk.
It kept its secret rendezvous With Evenings setting sun. Together now, they touched the bed Where two hearts beat as one.
It softly sighed as it caressed The old man sleeping there... And lingered on his weathered skin, And stirred his thinning hair.
Then bolting now, as if informed Of some impending shame, Retraced its steps, and left the house As quickly as it came.
It crossed the porch with oaken floor And plundered toward a mound On which he'd watched the old man Leave his tears upon the ground.
The frantic wind approached the knoll As if a life to save. And finding what it sought Placed the petals on her grave!

I want all of your honest Opinions on my poems. Thanx B

omg. please stop posting on this forum.

Why?

ahahahahahahahahaha.....welcome to my world QUIET....hahahahahahaha

i agree

i didn't really read any of these poems....like i said, i see rhyme scheme i just look the other way....not worth my time really (sorry if that sounds offensive....don't be mad Lily)....but i would like to say one thing, i started to read "your" first poem and it dawned on me.....thatz either A. a complete plagirized piece, or B. a version of a poem thatz been around for awhile that you tried to pass off as your own......i remember many years ago in highschool, for prom, we were made to a read a poem extremely similar to your first poem.....and if i remember correctly, your last few lines are the exact same.....so booo man....booo

also.....as i'm tryin' to be more "open" and "nicer" to nubbies like you, i feel it safe to warn you that A. rhyme scheme is frowned upon, especially by me....B. rip-offs are also frowned upon, especially by me.....and C. THE FONT COLOR MAN!!!!! MY GOD!!!!!!!! it helps to look about the place before postin'....to try and get the feel of what we are keen on havin' here......and you would have noted that all of us don't use font color and complain when someone does.....truth be told, itz a real strain on the eyes.....

anywho....that was me bein' "nice" in comparison of my ways......you write a lot, it seems, but your first poem bein' a complete rip-off really makes me question all of your work as a whole....as to itz authenticity....not whether or not itz good.....sorry there......anywho, don't what i say as an indication to leave, like Quiet suggested, but rather a forewarnin' and welcomin' to the Poetry Section of DF.....i highly advise that you stay, as so many new peeps post sumtin', dislike our criticisms, and leave......do as you wish, but if you stay hopefully you might learn a thing or two and grow as a writer....and who knows, you might make a "friend" or two with some of us......

anywho....cheerio

okay, i couldn't help it and just had to read through your stuff....and, ha!!! well, okay.....rhyme scheme is absolutely dreadful (and if you really want to know why, i'll be glad to explain it in full detail, but for now, take it from someone who has a degree in creative writing).....anywho, as such, i absolutely despise rhyme-scheme, and although your "gross" poem......which, by the way, isn't that gross; if you want gross, come visit some of my threads......anywho, the rhyme scheme in your "gross" poem is rather comical, givin' the overall tone a nice cheery-laughter type of quality....i wouldn't try and pass it off as a serious piece....i wouldn't try to pass it off as anything but "erotic comedy".....there are magazines and webzines out there that would be inclined to buyin' such a piece.....itz sumtin' you might read in hustler or sumtin'.....

AND....i will give you one round of applause for the line "roses are faded, violets are dead"..........that my dear (or sir) is poetry.....a very nice line....maybe a bit of the ole' gothic cliche in some fashion, but nice nonetheless......

hmm well I want to say welcome to df. however the first poem is a rip off, it was sent around (several times in fact) as a spam e-mail over the last several years. i believe the first time I read that poem (almost word of word) was like 9 yrs ago. so yeah copying a poem or claiming one you didn't wright is illegal and not tolerated on this forum. If you say you like this poem, the author was anonymous or was ____ _____ and inspires you fine, that is ok, but claimin git as your own is well illegal. I also recognize the 2nd poem as well, though I can't say if it is as well know as your first. really, if you can't write your own stuff, please don't post here. we are not interested in copy cats.

The 3rd poem was kinda cute, sounds almost like a kids song. tips for writing yuor own poetry is use imagery, be descriptive and don't rhyme or use color schemes. I want to feel, and see your poem and feel like I am living it. The emotion is what makes a piece real.

The poem in orange is also very nice read, you have a good flow to some of your lines, they are unforunately not something people will really remember, but a good start.
The poem in red might be ok if it was structured differently. Honestly with the color scheme it was hard for my eyes to figure out what line was which (think I am slightly computer dislectic (sp?))

The pink poem has several good imagery lines, other then the one sic stated he liked, I also liked the one about the "empty soul is fed". This is the one I probably enjoy the most.

The last poem sounds ok as well, some good imagery, however it sounds familular as well. Though it just might be the topic on that one.

so this bitch is a total copy-cat.....fuck that shit....ban 'em!!!!! BAN 'EM!!!!!!!! remove these thread.....ugh....i even commented on the second poem (which you say is a copy)....ugh.....i feel so dirty

Ha! thats sorta funny...but i must say that i seen Briana(van helsing) write the other peoms because i was with her. She is in my class but yeah, She shouldnt be copying thoses peoms tho so i agree....and sic you dont have to worry about commenting to a copied poem though because it was the only first one that she copied.

Along with what I said before about the first ones, the rest are good I like them but I have to agree rhyme sceme doesnt work ive tried and tried and it always just sounds so weird and maybe its just me but it never reads right to me, ut other than that I enjoyed the read

I am sorry that you all feel that way, and I did not claim the first poem as mine at all, I just posted it because I thought it was a nice poem. However the other ones are not copied, my friend here with me Lennett told me about, and she just told me to post them, and I dont know if there copied or not but if they are I am sorry for that, and I will make sure that never happens again. The poem about the sky and ect, with the other peom about "When I find deep sleep" were poems I wrote write in front of Melanie a.k.a The real me. all of the other ones are what my friend posted, and I never heard them before so I dont know if she wrote them or not. The next time I post will be poems I wrote, and not by my friend if she really did. Well I guess I would just like to say I am sorry for this.

I would like to say:

"PHBTAHDUHWEUHUSAHDKSJFHUESHRAUWEH"

(and all in one breath too!)

hahahahahahaha *smacks Quiet* STOP TRYIN' TO BE MEAN!!!!!!!!! it doesn't suit you

well, well Van Helsing.....you didn't give any indication who the author was of the first poem, and the title of the thread is "My Poems" so yeah.....technically, you are liable for a law-suit should someone who owns the copyright or whatnot of the poem sees you copied it and posted it (which is a form of publication, thus givin' a copyright to you) and so yeah......so, just be sure not to do that and all will be well.....and like i said, postin' work here counts as a publication (accordin' to the Laws concernin' copyrights) so keep that in mind if ever you want to "copy" someone's poem (just be sure and add the authors name to it, and all will be well)

anywho, itz safe to say you have gotten off on the wrong foot with us here, but i (and i'm sure the others too) am willing to turn the cheek and give ya another chance....and this coming from me!!!!!!! even i am shocked!!!!!!! what happened to my nazi ways?! AHHHHH!!!!!!

anywho, itz all good kiddo.....you apologized, apology accepted....please post some more and we shall take it from there

hehe. <---- that's supposed to be a halo.

ok freash start-I deleted the 2 poems I know for sure are copies. I left the last one cause I am not totally sure it is a copy. anyways-posting your own stuff here is always the best idea.

That first one, all snootiness aside, reminds me of something I wrote in the fourth grade about a dog. You are writing to rhyme, not writing to write; it's pretty obvious, judging by your strained rhyme scheme, and clunky vocabulary. The poem really doesn't have a point, and it doesn't even seem finished. The big problem is that your questions are not at all mysterious or unanswerable; both physical and social sciences have pretty much answered everything you're asking:

- we DO know why the sky is blue
- we DO know why people get sick in the winter
- we DO know why the sun is bright
- we DO know why staring at bright things causes vision problems
- we DO know why rain comes from clouds, and how clouds form
- we DO know why people crowd around dramatic events
- we DO know why the world is the size that it is
- we DO know why kids cry when their pets die

These aren't answers that need to be sought, because they've already been answered. If you want to write a pensive poem, write about things we haven't answered, or can't answer at all.

well I am sorry for everything and you guys dont have to give me another chance, My mom is taking my computer away so I am gone ok so bye*

haha. i'm quoting this just cause...yeah. haha.

lol