[UnforgivenSaint]

must have double posted...gawd i hate that

[UnforgivenSaint]

-----------------
How do I make you see
That my love for you will always be?
You want to believe its true,
But all you've trusted betrayed you.
I know you really want to let go,
But something down deep asks if it can be so.
Afraid that as in the past,
This love will not last.
None of the other's could you trust,
They used you and left you in the dust.
I feel your pain inside,
My arms are open wide.
To shelter you from the storm
Hold you and keep you warm.
I'm tired of your suffering,
I want to make your heart sing.
Oh, I get so mad,
That you've been so sad.
I feel like your life was stolen,
In a moment, gone like the wind.
You had stopped caring about yourself,
Put your dreams up on a shelf.
Living afraid to live,
All you do is give,
For there's nothing to take.
Your heart continues to ache.
You never show anyone your plight,
But you cry when you're alone at night.
I want to lift you up,
Overflow your lovin' cup.
Why were they no able to see,
What a treasure you are to me?
Has God in His great mercy,
Set our hearts free?
To heal from the pain caused by others,
Free to love one another.

---------------------------------------
Please don't ask me to choose
Not tonight
Just lay by my side
Like old times
And hold me tightly to your chest
I don't deserve you
For you love me even when
My heart is in another's hands
Yet the thought of leaving you
Fills me with fear
For if I do,
Will you love me tommorow?

If I throw you out the window
Forcing you to spread those wings and fly
Will you return with the coming of a realization
That perhaps
I loved the wrong man
That I never realized
The good thing I had
For you know,
You never realize love till it's gone.

No,
These words shall remain unspoken
Although guilt pounds in my head
Like a never ending battle drum
And the tears slip down my face every night
Loving anothers eyes
Needing another's touch

Selfish I
Wanting the best of both worlds
But would you love me
If you knew the tears you kissed away
Were shed for another
A dream that may be gone
Like the smoke from last months cigerette.

If I let you go
Shall you love me tommorow?
-----------------------------------
Behind a heavy door,
Creaking with every absent breath,
Through dust and grey piled high,
Stacked by time,
And aged with sighs,
Past paintings,
Thin and faded,
Over carpet worn bare,
Though underneath few footsteps,
Beyond the ghosts of pain,
Shadowing the sun's weak rays,
Down the dank hallway,
Of life and mind,
Neatly placed in the smallest corner,
Sits a tiny candle,
Alit for you and me.
-------------------------------------
In an instant,
I am speechless in these emotions,
A love so strong,
A hate so vile,
A longing that scares me,
In it's intensity.

The claws you sunk into me,
Sweetly,
Oh so lovingly,
Have been torn away as I run,
Kicking my shoes off,
To the shore,
Slipping in the sand.


I will stare at the stars,
And strip myself naked,
Down to my soul,
Torn and bleeding,
I will lower myself into the salty water,
Cringing at the pain,
Letting it seep into these open wounds.

Such a beautiful freedom,
As my blood seeps into the waters,
Swirling,
Washing you away.
----------------------------
Bitter Pill


Emptiness a bitter pill,
Divine release or empty thrill.
Choke down the times and leave to this
All happiness and endless bliss.
So soft a touch as sweet to taste,
Hold back the tides of reckless haste.
A worldly love, the only stake,
These feelings torn, my soul to ache.

A winter’s frost ground out as dust,
My heart impaled on barbed wire trust.
New birthings dawn yet sour to rage,
Too pure a thought to pass from age.
Crushed, shattered bones of truth so sore,
Escape from darkened, twisted core.
I watch the hunter’s gleeful grin
As all ambition’s proved as sin.


----------------------------------------
I sit here,
tired of this race, this struggle,
merely scraping by as I reminise over the past.

I see myself
(as I hover above, ghostlike and translucent)
I look down into a deep black hole and see my eyes,
blue-green shining out from round whites,
surrounded by weary eyelids and encompassed by dark circles,
burning brightly in the murky black,
the only thing visible in the depths.

I struggle to pull myself out, head spinning from the lack of air,
straining to find footholes to grasp and drag myself up.
Mud streaks my body, as I slither and slide
pressed tightly against the filthy wall
desperately clawing my way upwards.

Gasping and groaning as I heave myself upwards,
my one arm lands upon the solid ground.
I silently will myself to keep going
and pull myself out-I continue to watch-
my eyes hurt, the glare of the brilliant sun blinding my eyes,
used to the darkness (it hides more...).

Renewed with hope, I begin to pull myself out of the hole,
and then, a thought of you flashes through my mind,
and I lose my grip on the edge.
I hold on by the tips of my fingers only, and my eyes widen,
as I feel them slip... my legs dangling in the dark, I suddenly release and plummet backwards into the depths.

That one thought of you, that one moment of weakness,
and I go from scraping by to laying in the bottom
of a mud filled hole looking up at myself as I shake my head,
disappointed in myself and the hold you still wield over me.

Scraping by simply won't cut it anymore...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Exhale your truth,
Watch blood trickle....
Down on the page,
as you sign your last hour

For all the good you have done
Bad shadowed your every step
Made mockery of silent hopes
Crushed what control...you had

Shallow are my breaths,
its soon time
Hollow are my eyes,
staring their last moments...in a mirror

Voices spoke to me,
But Silent I was, never telling...
to the poison ingested
In the end, when the earth claims me
Everyone will...eventually...
Get over me...

----------------------------------------
I am bound by my hatred
For what Lays within
Bound to be flesh
And open to sin

External is my mask
With eyes seeing red
Internal is my grave
Where this soul lays dead

-------------------------------------
Somewhere I will find it
That craving deep inside
And quench its bloodlust

They will not undo me
For that task has already been taken
By myself

My friends will lay,
a smokescreen
Guiding my way...safely from them
Not knowing
Their hand in my master plan

Promise me,
Lead me into the night
And help my wounded body
Kiss the blade
That burns bright in my mind

-------------------------------
So hard to stand so firm and tall
When those wrapped around beg me to fall
But I ignore when I hear his call
These wires still beg me to fall...

Off and down the tall, tall cliff of simple joys.

he pulls the wire of his core
he moves and I choke that much more
The same one that I once adored
Refuses to open and explore...

The kind, kind reaches I oh so selflessly offer to him.

I’m blinded dumb as I drop and grab
Those wrapped around cause me to gag
The colors faded on my flag
The Obvious shows itself.

and when now I drag...

Those dull, faded colors cause my blind, blind eyes to open.

I wiped a little selfishness from my eyes
A revelation and I realize
For just one moment I’m untied
I see the room I’m in so wide
Their pain and hope still coincide
But measures levels above mine
They choke and spit, blind to my lies
I pass them by and as I glide..

There is the pure neck I have tied.

So young and sweet, to choke and sigh
All this because I let it slide
And as I watched him...watched him so close...it was then...

It was then that I cried.

For just once above my youth and pride
I saw my selfish hate and lies
Far more than those that I have tried
I swear in him I will now confide...

For this young, pure, simple man suffers far, far greater than I.
This pain he lives in, he is so strong, so much stronger...
So much stronger than I.
I would rather die.
You cross
I’ll cry
You tug
I’ll try
To feel your pain
As true as mine
I’ll try to look
Not be so blind
I’ll try to see
See what I find
When I look
Into your eyes
I want to see
The rope that binds
Please
Open your eyes for me
We can get these wires untied.
Let us untie...
Please
Open your emotions true to me
We can help those tightly bound...

And we will no longer be intertwined
-------------------------------------------
A broken mirror

Can you see
The broken mirror?

Shining a beautiful
Showing me the truth
Destined to be
Telling me what’s real
Leading me to the way
The way it supposed to be-

Again I look from a different view
The after-effect of –
The reflection of –
What was supposed to be me
Which was supposed to be the way

Ended in drugs
of maybe even lies
or lack of hope--

I love drugs
That life I lived
I lived with the reflection
Of who I could have been
With the painted thoughts
Resting like
A dried-up marker
Lost
In a gigantic box
Of surrounding colors
I think I see the color everyday
It is crystal clear
I don’t know if it is
Even real)

-- In the middle
Of a path gone bad
Portrayed a different view
In the mirror

(And I couldn’t even
See the difference)
------------------------------------
invisible
one after the other
we slip into eternity
with altered thoughts and
demonic voices
echoing in our heads
make yourself invisible
make yourself disappear

through the walls
through your open eyes
I push myself forward
straight into your fear

out of sight
and just a day behind
the sun is always strange
all the faces blurred

within a sea of integration
we are everywhere
but there is no answer
not this time…


----------------------------
What always remains

Fragments of my imagination
Wither and peel away
Thoughts of you
Captured on paper
Like mute explosions
Yellowed with age
Flickers of memory
Frozen in time
So I can't forget
Even if I wanted to
Eyes and smiles
And warmth of hands
Colors that still bleed
Softly when I touch them
Wounds that lie still
And break
With the soft breaths
Of what always remains


-------------------
Some people look at me a little funny
When I dance through the rain
And no one knows
That inside it's just me
Crying
Trying
To fight the lonliness
With my laugh
And you know?
It doesn't compare to his at all.

No,
His smile makes all the rain go away
Mine just seems to bring it down
Harder than the weather station
Can ever remember.

Yeah
You know what?
I'm gonna shed theze clothes tonight
And I'm gonna laugh
That sickly fake smile
And I'm gonna dance
And oh
Wait till you see the storm
-------------------------------
Don't know where I'm going,
But I know where I've been.
Too many bad roads.
so much sin.

Life hit me hard sometimes.
I failed so often, some
tenderness between the lines.

Don't know where I'm going,
but I know where I've been.
Fell on the floor
I'm back on my feet again.

Life never seemed fair
shut myself off,
then learned how to care.

---------------------------------
It’s been too long since I’ve read you
I’ve forgotten how it feels
to consume the sacred sonnets
that the daylight always steals
when I talked of ever-after
I believed you’d come along
you’re important to this dreamer
like the words are to the song...
I have lived a bitter sunrise
though they’re few and far between
yet it’s such a contradiction
to the beauty that I’ve seen
and tomorrow asks for nothing
as the lovers come and go
you’re important to this dreamer
and I thought you’d ought to know...

It’s been too long since I’ve held you
with your breath upon my face
I’m afraid at any moment
you’ll be gone without a trace
what began as just a trickle
is a passion powered stream
you’re important to this dreamer
for without you, there’s no dream...

----------------------------------------
I dreamt I was an angel,
Watching while you sleep;
Listening to your heart beat
And your breathing soft and deep.
I followed close behind you
On wings as white as snow,
To keep you and protect you
Wherever you would go.

I dreamt I was a painting
Masked in pastel hues,
Living deep within the reds,
The yellows, greens, and blues.
Observing from the wall,
And longing so to speak;
As you looked in with reverence,
I looked out with grief.

I dreamt I was a mirror
Upon a wooden shelf.
No matter how you gazed at me,
You only saw yourself.
I tried my best each time you came
To show you all your grace.
Though I saw your beauty deep within,
You only saw your face.

I dreamt I was a river
With waters deep and clean,
With cattails all along my shore,
And willow trees of green.
I gently carried your canoe
Through forest, hill, and plain.
At night I rocked you into sleep
With the song my waters sang.

I dreamt I was an artist,
Trying to paint your eyes,
But I couldn't capture all their depth
With my unworthy dyes.
On a canvas painted yellow,
I used charcoal in your hair,
Then splashed a water-color smile
To make you free from care.

I dreamt I was your lover,
Lying close and still.
You said to me "I love you,
"And I know I always will."
As we lay down to sleep tonight,
I will smile for all I feel,
And tell you that I love you, too,
Because one dream was real
------------------------------------
I dreamt I was an angel,
Watching while you sleep;
Listening to your heart beat
And your breathing soft and deep.
I followed close behind you
On wings as white as snow,
To keep you and protect you
Wherever you would go.

I dreamt I was a painting
Masked in pastel hues,
Living deep within the reds,
The yellows, greens, and blues.
Observing from the wall,
And longing so to speak;
As you looked in with reverence,
I looked out with grief.

I dreamt I was a mirror
Upon a wooden shelf.
No matter how you gazed at me,
You only saw yourself.
I tried my best each time you came
To show you all your grace.
Though I saw your beauty deep within,
You only saw your face.

I dreamt I was a river
With waters deep and clean,
With cattails all along my shore,
And willow trees of green.
I gently carried your canoe
Through forest, hill, and plain.
At night I rocked you into sleep
With the song my waters sang.

I dreamt I was an artist,
Trying to paint your eyes,
But I couldn't capture all their depth
With my unworthy dyes.
On a canvas painted yellow,
I used charcoal in your hair,
Then splashed a water-color smile
To make you free from care.

I dreamt I was your lover,
Lying close and still.
You said to me "I love you,
"And I know I always will."
As we lay down to sleep tonight,
I will smile for all I feel,
And tell you that I love you, too,
Because one dream was real
----------------------------
something familiar came and went
between the tides of loneliness
since you chose to stand with me
did you think you'd die as well
what would that make me
not a very worthy martyr
if i chose your death instead of mine
so now i'll collapse
take the pain and suffer the pride
just step away before it's over
i don't want you to see me bleed
i won't beg, never plead
could you save yourself the grief
and save me all the worries
because i didn't mean to damn you
and now i'll forgive me first
forget everything you thought you knew
listen like it's the last time time; it might be
i'll fade like a rose, with dignity
and kiss you goodbye because i loved you once
----------------------------------------------------
My fingers tremble
As they touch the keys played so often
In a memory
Of a passion I bore
Alone.

My eyes fill up
As I play the song I penned
In pain for you
Your eyes becoming the light
Of the stars on your face.

My foot presses softly
On the pedeal glowing softly
In the lamplight
3am always seems to be the time
I crave you the most.

Closing these eyes
I play every note without my sight
Going with the memories of you.


__________________________________
Visual Brilliance

I saw it standing on the bay:
Visual brillance of the sun.
Light and radiance all at once;
Many angles wrapped in one.

My left eye was blinded,
But my right eye was quick.
A squinting reaction lasted-
But my blindness would stick.

Too much light for me to take;
The eyes just couldn't see.
That estuary spread too far-
And reached the open sea.

I couldn't see that sea;
And the light kept going.
The visual brillance calmed-
The water still flowing
--------------------------------
Welcome to forsaken lands
The grave of dying dreams
Discarded thoughts and bastard notions
No birth to inventions given

Time you came and time you lost
You flee through fields of gray
Sailing on willow-reeds and feeling
Unaware

I need for action
My lust for things so distant, far away

Leading me to mountains of heaven
Fallen angels bleeding in the snow

(No) way to turn back the time
(No way to skip too far ahead)
Hear now, see now
Fear the flight of dustmen in the air

Ashes to ashes and life to dust
Dust to sky, oh love must die
Alas for hell, the end is drawing near to me
Do you dare to upset the balance
Will you dare to cross this bridge alone

The pass is fire
and night below
But I can't see 'ny stars down there
How long have I been falling?
Did I not hear your warning?
I cannot say, I'm so afraid
My eyes are open and I'm blind
a cold and cruél veil
is cast before my sight

So many lives are there and lost
And there is nothing that I fear
So how long am I playing God
Am I praying death to come

Unto me
The sirens screaming in my ears
The hags are whipping my skin away
They're taking it all away
(from me)
And I will never be again
Outside forsaken lands
I held my dream too close
I've gotta let it go
But alas it's too late now
Inside forsaken fields
I'll build a cairn from the ash
----------------------------------
Devil's Dark Madonna

You smell the earth,
roots fresh dug
and the mandrake shrouded in silk
looks chillingly
like a fresh done kill---
and she spins her gypsy shawl,
bows to the saints by day,
and never smiles beyond her lips.

Those eyes are lined with kohl---
lashes thick
but there is no life in them,
no dance,
no sparkle.
These she traded
a piece at a time
like her soul.

And she blesses herself,
kisses the cross,
makes her confession,
and church pure
creeps to the burying ground
to find the Hand of Glory,
soil from the grave of a killer,
or maybe just a bit
of the shroud of a known virgin,
because she has dark work tonight.

Oh she mutters to herself,
whispers the incantations,
asking protection while she treds
where only the foolish or mad would step,
and she thinks she is making justice
for the slights against her,
forgetting the three fold rule,
and never seeing
the dark that closes around her.

She fears more the demons
she never met,
then the devils she conjures
for amusement or profit---
and she thinks she has control
of the dark things---
that they do her bidding,
that she owns their souls---
and never thinks that she will pay
for the midnight sins
she called down.

Devil's dark Madonna,
the skin you bought
will never be worth
the price you did not ask.
Enjoy the dance
while you may---
your night will be eternal,
and the saints you bless
were never fooled,
by the prayers
you did not mean.

----------------------------
On the eve of reckoning
I stand upon the altar
An altar of my own design
I gaze into the darkness
Of my mortal soul
Knowing death to be a coward
Who dare not reach forth
With it's wretched, rotting claw
Into this realm I inhabit
This realm between life and death
This cold and sterile place
Where pain is never painful and
Bleeding stops too soon
Where living and dieing seem as
Equal alternatives to this emptiness
But the living have moved on
As the living do
I wonder could I catch up and
The dead are gone
Plucked from the living
By cowardly death
Who will not come for me
Rather, it waits in silence
For me
For my hand to do the deed
For me to plunge headlong
From my altar
Into it's wooden cart
But not on this day
On this day I step down
From my lonely altar and
Scream into the nothingness
Hating death for it's cowardice
Hating life for leaving me
Hating myself for my own strength
For my own courage
For my unwaivering insistance
That just once I be wanted
If not by the living
If not by life itself
Then at the very least
Death
Should come for me
---------------------------
I dance in shadows of another
light hurts the soul
wounded
betrayed
the cat will run
until backed into the
corner
claws extended
self defense
preservation
of the species

It's time to die
belief has no place
in the dark spaces
self righteous fools
make their own beds
sleep on nails
and wonder why
they wake in pain
blind men are
the only ones who see

I dance in shadows of another

Did you hear the martyr die
or were you self absorbed
inside the decay of yesterday
did you dance
did you sing
the funeral pyre
burns brighter
when a victim
is sacrificed
for free
I dance in shadows of another

I loved him
I did
I watched as they
crucified him
laughed at me
when I tried to
stop them
I hated that I
hated
but I knew I did
I dance in shadows of another

to a dearest love I lost long ago on
the night of April 17 1998
~ Rest in Peace ~
-------------------------------------
I slept on a bed of roses
and woke up full of thorns
I realize now that love
was never meant to be
beauty they say
is in the eyes of the
beholder
but what happens
now that I am
blind

I hear you
in every song
I feel you
in every poem
I touch you
with each warm breeze
that caresses my skin
I inhale you
with the breath
of each new dawn

you are the angel
that rocks me to sleep
you are the dreams
that keep me awake
you are the tears
that fall from my eyes
all I ever wanted
was to be the words
that fell from your
lips
------------------------
My heart, blackened by failure,
has suffered too much to think itself immortal.
It has fallen from the hands of angels
so often only to land back inside the cavern
of my skeletal cage, indifferent
to the sinkholes it creates in my soul.

The shadows of despair that circle
the cavernous mouth of this gate to hell
created by the sum of time and rejection
multiplied by the yearnings of a lonely heart,
(the very same feelings that have led me
to inhabit the furthermost secluded corner
of my mind) whisper mockingly
of the impossibility of you.

Though I know you are real...

They pull me towards them with their longing
for the same thing as I... beckoning
with the promise of eternal and comforting
darkness, with no hope or need
of seeing the light again.

Yet, even when I try to hide,
your wings are stars fluttering
above my sunken head, begging
me to reach out and hold on.

And I think I will.
-----------------------------------
I think
...therefor I'm still here
just one more day
on this hellish turn table
needle in the eye
blinding one more dream
each scream
a song
...to demons

I breathe
...therefor your real
I cry
...therefor you live
I sleep
...and the night rapes me
for you
-----------------------------
Your silence is golden,
As my days are gray,
Begging forgivness in each and, every way.
Day dreams and, memories of all the rainy nites.
Clouding a past of fight after fight.
For when you walked away from me,
I vowed never again,
To lay down so silent and, change with the wind.
Deadly sweet deadly,
Cupids arrow struck me,
The Devils With Angels Wings have come to set you free.
As you move to your next prey,
Listen to me.
The place where you were-another will be..
You may think your special and, one of a kind.
But, Deadly Sweet Deadly your far from my mind
-------------------------------------------------
no matter what happens
we'll always be staring
at the same burning sun
and the silver moon
projecting a gleaming shine
among the blanket of stars
stretched over miles of endless land,
and a ocean that is limitless to all comprehension.
no mattter what happens
your face is etched acrossed
the surface of my memory
bringing light into my darkness.
and the words that have entered
my wounds by themselves
deep into every nerve and any emotion
i ever showed to you.
no matter what happens
ill always wish things
could have been different for us.
if maybe for one second
you could have seen yourself
through my eyes
so you could understand why
i fell for you.
why this imbeds permanet crystal tears
into this paper as they roll off
my cheek and shatter at the
tip of my pen.
no matter what happens
realize that my love was real.
not an illusion or dream.
not a trick or deception.
know that i meant
anything i ever sid.
know that i am
never like anyone in your past.
know that i wanted you
more then all the power in the world
know ill never forget.
now matter what happens.
you ill never forget


__________________

Nightmare or, Dream
One In The Same.
The Directions They Change With Each Drop Of Rain.
I Greet You With Silence And , Taunt You With Smiles.
Kill You With Kindness And, All Of The While.
Play Out Your Madness And, Play Out Your Fun,
Play With Emotions,
Your Not The Only One,
Who Misses You Deeply And, Misses You Dear.
Who MIsses Your Life And, MIsses You Near.
The Next Time You Visit With One Of Your Sceme's,
Remember I Know It's not What It Seems,
To Reach Out And, Touch You I Wish It Could Be,
But, Dead People Visit In Nightmares And Dreams
---------------------------------------------------
Catch each tear
as it falls
string it upon silver twine
wear it
as a trophy
for never again
will a tear be shed
for you
by me
all that I ask is that you....
remember my eyes
when they broke at your words
and when the wet of my sadness
graces your neck
I hope you choke on the pain
each drop holds

-------------------------------------
I can hear your breath,
shallow, rib sore
as if you are afraid
that one deep lungful
will pierce you with a dagger of bone.
You huddle to yourself,
the world gone mad without
fearing there will be no peace within
to match the rain of fire
you feel everwhere you look.
I am here,
hand extended softly,
knowing better than to offer more,
knowing the brittle taste
that coats your tongue
and taste like copper and old rust.
I can be a place of quiet,
where you leave your fears
outside like muddied shoes.
But you cannot be afraid
of me,
of who I am,
or who you might be
if your fingers close on mine.
And if I am something you can hold
til your center is found
so much the better.
Your heart of peace
has not blown to pieces,
no matter what you feel.
And while i cannot make right the wrongs,
or bind every cut,
I can be the breathing room
you are reaching for inside.



__________________
Where waves are dragons scourging over sand,
a castle looms in wraith-like mist near sea.
Great boulders stand as shields upon the land.
A maiden lies on mottled rocks low lee.
Her song of love enchants the winds on shore
and seethes in air across the lonely moore
to where a vailant knight, unloved and worn
resheaths his sword and rides from battle shorn.
Enchantment slips within his spirits light
on Cornwall's coast; the waves, like thunder, crash.
Through jaded eyes, she spares his mortal fate.
They disappear within the lair of night.
In currents sway, her scales, like lightening, flash.
Unfathomed depths they seek; Atlantis waits.
---------------------------------------------------------
My fingers shake as they strike the matchbook
In the misty rain outside
I inhale deeply
Loving the poisin as it spread through my body
Embracing the hurt as I always do
Shivering in the night.

Drawing a kind of solace from the fire
As it stings the back of my throat
Sore from the winds and the mists
Flattening my hair and soaking my clothes.

And as I stand here
In this darkened night
I realize as I smoke the cigerette
That the fire is like me
Burning my way through life
Seeimg to seek out those that beat me down
And cause me to shiver
In the night.

It's like my mind is the match
I light whatever is deemed as hurtful
Seeking the hurt
For it's what I know
And as I drop it to the ground
And put the light out with a boot
I wonder who will finally crush me for good.

And leave me,
Out to shiver forever in the night.



__________________


It's just another day,
Boring me to death in it's same ludicrous way,
I'm climbing my bedroom walls,
Trying to get out out of a prison.

Everywhere people go,
They are all dressed up to show,
I'm dressed all in black,
Cause colors are fading fast.

Stuck in derlict room,
No music, no lights, just a magic mushroom,
To see the world in vivid dreams,
A corrupt earth needs setting free.

People say i've got a talent to give,
But who the hell am i am going to share it with,
It's not okay when you aren't stable,
And all you seek is to release your tormented soul.
------------------------------------------------------
I watched as the water passed below me
My salty but bitter tears went right to it
I hugged my companion as I began to cry
Because tomorrow I have to say goodbye

Tears streamed my face slowly but surely
I caressed his clear skin to let him know I was still there
I didn't say a word, but he heard me sobbing
he looked at me and spoke, so I knew he cared

Goodbye isn't easy, so I stayed
But it was hard to tell him I was going away
So I sat beside my sweet friend
And I continued to cry, thinking about In The End

he was going soon but I wanted to stay
No one will love him like I did
Because they don't care about him like I cared
he was going to hell so I was well aware

My body shook with sobs like it never did
And my heart broke the instant upon the news
"I won't be there to see my baby's birth
And they will all probably be abused"

I wanted to make a difference in this one's life
So I took it upon myself to do it
It is amazing how you can change hearts and lives
Although it wasn't human, it was swine




__________________

I can still taste
The salt in my mouth
From the tears that streamed down these cheeks
When you tore your nails through my heart
And watched me coldly
To see how I would react.

You might as well have pulled out a notebook
And scribbled down the time
That my heart stopped feeling
And the tears stopped coming
Maybe record the moment that
My eyes took on a glazed appearance.

Did you plan this out on purpose
And place me inside a cage of glass
So that I would be able to see you
To need you
Yet not have you,
Perhaps I was just a twisted experiment.




__________________

funeral masks

extreme self hatred
has the power to burn anything it touches
dissolve gold into spatters of glitter
rained onto a petrified forest
of forget-me pleas.
reduce diamonds
to chunks of coal
whence they came.

Wearing plastic masks, death masks
held in funereal reverence
self hatred means always having to say
you're sorry
because you're always wrong.

Drugs help. Pills breathed in and out
cut off oxygen and help to subdue
but never conquer the pain--
the pain of never reacting the right way
feeling the right way,
living the right way
being right.

Sins, never forgiven, become shriven corpses
laid end to end in the dark forest of the mind
that holds no hope.





__________________

I get it.
Its all very strange to me,
nothing is as it should be.
Doors and walls can't keep me out,
no one hears me when I shout.

I can go most anywhere
just a thought and I am there.
No one seems to notice me
it's as if they just can't see

Everyone seem s very sad
something's happened, something bad.
Why doesn't anyone tell me.
Whatever can the matter be.

My little sisters crying
my dad is sitting sighing.
My mother looks like she is praying
but I cant hear what she'saying.

I've got a strange thought in my head,
they're upset cos someones dead.
I wonder who that can be
Suddenly I know it's ME
crazy things we do for love



__________________
Hope In Hell

Bitterness moves from place to place
Love is something I can not face
Trying too hard to please
So you continue to tease

Time and time again
I scream your name
Surrounded by fear
Come back to here

I can feel my heart fill
With pain, while the killers kill
The streets are awash with blood

Life till the end of time
Must have committed a crime
Absolute, devotion
Complete, devestation
--------------------------------------
i don't remember the things before
and all i can do is scream for you
wishing you would come back down from the altar
sacrificing the sound in your head
i want your heartbeat against my ear
and you are never near to me
the darkness can't be cut by any blade except your love
and yet i feel the anger consume me once again
something inside of me screams to you still
but do you feel everything that's left of me
or am i a stone underfoot
treaded on and forgotten
all the lies beat softly in my ear
what did you say...i can't hear you
i've only just begun the silence
and there's no way you can fight this
everything that's left of me
has all but faded away
and i begin to crave
nothing






__________________

-Moment of Defeat-

Past issues
Color the present
In somber shades
Of broken dreams
Shattered fragments
Prisims of pain
Rainbow solitude
Arches high
Touch it's ugly beauty
Draw crimson circles
With weeping fingertips
Never meant to be's tastes bitter
On the tongue of another
Savor not forever
But this moment of defeat








__________________
Embrace the paper

Oh this dance
Of a life
In a disco
With drunken
Whores hanging
On built men
That stare at me like
they want a taste
Of something I won't give.

And I sweat to the beat
On my aching feet
My love's so far
Across the hall.

Confetti comes
Raining down on me
And I lift my face
Embrace the paper
That might just
Hold the map to the way out.

Elusive feelings
Just beyond my grasp
There's something missing
But what it is
I cannot tell.

I'll dance with a whore
Let her lick me down
Close my eyes
Trying to imagine ecstasy
As her hands cover
All of me.

Hang onto a drink
As if it a medicine
To take away the headache
Caused by these lights
And so -
I'll scream.

.



.



.



.

And the whore keeps on licking
The beat keeps on ticking
In this endless dance here
No one can stop moving thier feet.






__________________

Crimson

Inhale the moment
Taste the scent of death
The darkest cloak veils the window
White sheets draped over the chair

This earth is your cradle
This cradle is your bed
Salty liquid runs down
into my hand
A drop of tormented passion

Seeping, crimson firelight
So warm
Pale, your face, the second before
Reflected in my eyes

So curious how it's all revealed

Now it's all on me
To end







__________________
Rain To End

Sitting on the beach of my broken soul loving you but still, wanting more and I can't describe, the way you tore my loving heart into pieces and left me cold tagged, marked bought and sold i want it back, the love you stole the heart you broke, you'll never know the light is out in the window, i don't want you home

the clouds are whispering of a coming storm the sun is down but the air is warm under my skin, thunder rolls quietly i suffer, and nobody knows

I wish i could swallow lightning, to quench this flame
but every time it dies you come around again
return my sanity for i fear Im insane again
and here i am at the window waiting for the rain to end

the watches time past me on there way to infinity and even if i could catch them there be no love left there for me searching for peaceful serenity within in a world of litter with anarchy and ill, dig and dig to find pieces of you that remind me of the way i used to love you

ash to ash, dust to dust only with in myself do i find truth to trust

unwrap me from your finger tips close your arms, and close your lips dont wanna be tempted, by the lick of your lips cause i know ill be blinded by pure bliss now its your turn for remiss you dealt me a serpentine kiss to bad your spitting venom missed now i can walk away from this

I wish i could swallow lightning, to quench this flame
but every time it dies you come around again
return my sanity for i fear Im insane again
and here i am at the window waiting for the rain to end







__________________
I puff on my cigarette
you imbibe another beer
The dense smoke dances toward you
you fail to notice my tears
When your drinks run dry
and my lungs fill with black
you stagger toward me grinning
hoping to enchant me,
and you tell me I’m beautiful

But I suppose you don’t notice
the circles beneath my eyes,
and you fail to remember
the bruises on my thighs
but you kiss my lips
so sweet and tart
and pull back strands of my hair
and lay me down

His hands are prevailing,
green eyes transform
and my integrity is bankrupt,
God, I need another cigarette
to cloud these moments

You reek of sour Scotch
and mixed intoxications
of your latest concoctions .
Must you hold me so close,
so tight and so wintry?
Frozen solid I lie here
and it passes by you

You’re an amateur fool
when it comes to loving me
Liquor bottles and late night T.V.
among other important things,
my glassy eyes, and subtle styles
are reflections of your actions,
and the value adds up
to so much more than what’s behind these russets

His hands are prevailing,
green eyes transform
and my integrity is bankrupt,
God, I need another cigarette
I need another cigarette




__________________


How cleverly You hid
my essence in the blood.
Hunger, lust, fatigue;
each pain felt more than You.

I consumed a thousand meals
sought a dozen lovers,
slept through countless hours;
never once felt satisfied.

So fused within the flesh was I
this body seemed my master;
now I know that spirit wants -
it’s Love that I've been after.





__________________
In the silence of indecision
You smile
and in the silence
of my indecision
you slice another
piece of my love
and shove it
down my throat.

I am grateful
to die choking
on something
sprinkled
with your gold
dust, flaked
off your lips -

this piece of death
tastes like your kiss...

How wonderful to fall
and let my heart
falter and drop
into your hands,
abandoning greed
and thoughts of hope

now, it only awaits
not cursing the passing
of time it can not count
but waiting until eyes
so closely resembling
haloes without wings
trapped within circled
cages of the iris...

It waits until the veil
is lifted and those stars
that call themselves eyes
shine hope upon me,
shaking the dust
of their long forgotten
childhood dreams
into tangible forms
thick enough to hold.




__________________


Around My Eyes


Tell me how your verbs can turn and fly
cascade and dance real slow, leave me speechless
circle them around my feet and serve them on my plate
verbs that defy time and space
toss them in the wind and to the moon
and let them spin around my eyes
like fire and flames and burn them in effigy
let the heat rise
higher
longer
deeper
the swiftness of your pen writing
down my spine
to trickle drop by drop
like rain on my skin



__________________

feel me in every need
feed me with your rays
breathe me like air through reeds
taste me in your days
hold me in your nights
quench your deep desire
here, inside this fire
touch my heart
live within my eyes
never to depart
from the rise of my sigh
let me have the sorrows
of all your tomorrows
medicate those eyes and lips
with the balm of my fingertips
need me now - more than life
on every poem that you write
engrave my name
love is never in vain
within your hand remains
the memory of refrains
our song, a song of love
nothing ever as strong
a windstorm of caress
lifts us to happiness
your sheltering arms
withstanding the storms
feel me in every need
feed me with your rays
hold me now and forever
beyond these dying days



__________________


Disturbed Innocence

Daniel plays with dolls
each one has a name
takes pleasure in controlling them
corrects them when there wrong
at school they laugh at him, tease him
call him freak
mother thinks he’s sensitive
father says he’s queer
no one understands him
no one really cares
power driven by evil
bullets silence the pain
who is laughing?
blood washed with tears
only two dolls left
he asks them why
why did you bring me into this world?











__________________
Theres nothing left for us to go back to,
there are no more words to say.
You've said them all
and we have nothing left.

I stumbled over your words,
when they came across my screen.
I was just in the middle of letting you know
that even though things change,
you're still in my heart
you were always in my heart
even when we were in such troubled times as these.

But when I glanced up,
you had already replied,
and there was nothing left to say.
How can there be anything to say?
How can I respond to you telling me this
I cant.

And don't expect me
to wipe away these tears
because whats the point
when they're just going to keep falling?

Where do I go from here?
Can you tell me?
Or are the only words you have left
the ones that continue to play over in my head...

"I'm sorry, I have to say no.. I guess I've been lying to us both for too long to try and save this. I'm sorry"
So
don't
apologize.

Nothing
can
be
done.



__________________

Would you forget me if I could
force these words into your head?
I never should have fallen for love
knowing I was not capable
to hold its sights with these eyes...
these hands, far too childish,
cling to the ideal of a perfection
of the dynasty I built upon your smile
and then plagued with my indecision
sending much worse than bloody rivers
and locusts to tear your crops -
I sent hope into your wandering heart
giving it the ability to find home,
releasing itself from vagabond life
directionless and untrue...

I replaced what you knew with something
else that is not what it seems, showing
you how nothing is truly trusted because
nothing can truly trust. I let you down
with what hid behind my smile, lurking
for months, growing and constructing itself
an empire from the sand of dreams
your whispers kissed my way
Oh! how I wish I could have died
the day I killed your heart.


__________________

More holy

when bitter hearts divide
the only one who
cries
(in support of the triumphant bitterness)
is the one whose heart
was stolen
and torn
and then ripped from their angry
void
chest!

the one who wants to reclaim
and embrace the past
is the one who is always
left
silently screaming
in their own pool of regret:
wishing they could grip onto something
more holy than
this.

(oh, won't you listen,
as I pour myself
into
you?)

~
------------------------------
The Sin

Fleets of rats run through my mind
And if there were a thousand fold
Hunters blazing right behind-
I do not guess that they could quell
The rat?s resolve to make me blind!

For what a night has been unfurled
On this much so fallen realm
A night where caustic feelings swirled
On this blue and blackened soul
The fingers of the devil curled

How can I remove the grips
Where is now the promised help
My blood now filling face and lips
A cry of anguish buried deep
Seems so dark when the lantern slips




__________________
SOUL

Shadows cast on empty walls,
form unseen lights below,
looking down into the depths,
of a poor mans home.
Creaking boards of splintered pine,
descend down through the void,
to cavernous halls and empty rooms,
where lights refuse to shine.
Boarded windows stained and burnt,
revolve around the structure,
peeking beams of dreams outside,
through slits and cracks in shutters.
Brick and mortar sheaved in grey,
and drowning in pale moss,
surround the hearth of generations,
and char stained bits of lumber.
A lonely chair sits by the fire,
ripped and stained and worn,
longing for a human rump,
to keep its belly warm.
And a tapestry of times long gone,
hangs upon one wall,
all colour faded or worn away,
just a tattered piece of cloth.
But the man who lives beneath this roof,
is the strongest man I know,
because this is not his home at all,
it is the making of his soul.....



__________________
WATERCOLOR TEARS

Her love she paints upon a canvas.
To hold him again is her only wish.
For every color that she strokes,
On his memory she silently chokes.

When he passed, her heart withdrew.
No one knew just what to do.
Solitude sits with brush in hand
Painting love in memory land.

All the days and nights she weeps.
She never stops to eat or sleep.
Her heart cries out for yesterday,
Laughing in love’s garden so far away.

Once she was so full of life.
Now her soul knows only strife.
He lives inside her endlessly
As watercolor tears paint her memory.
--------------------------------------------
The Watchful Angel

She sits on a tree limb
Over the pond
She's smiling at you blue eyed and blond
Her wings are of silver
To match her stars
Encircling her planets
Where she belongs
However today she has landed to watch
Your reaction to those
She loves so much
Give your smile away
A helping hand and touch
Tell them you care
And will listen so much
And when you glance
To get a nod or a grin
She's gone with rain
And comes again with red roses
Her name is passion of every hour
So hold her close
With her love and power

--------------------------------
Burning Within

My thoughts are drilling in my head
trying to put a end to the madness.
The madness that burns within and
causes so much pain. I can't remember
a time when I was happy and free of
the madness. It grows with the days
and burns hotter with every second.
I spend my nights thinking wondering
what's real and what's a mere fantasy.
Imagination can be a dangerous thing
It becomes hard to decipher from reality
and fantasy. I lie in ashes of reality and
live in the flames of imagination. What
burns within is the hunger for who I am
and the never-ending search for my peace.
-----------------------------------------------

[Pyriel]

to much to take

[UnforgivenSaint]

aw....i sowwy.....they just spill outta no where ..weird sometimes...


-Sinful Intent-

Broken pieces fit
Jagged edges of defeat worn
I honor this pain
Wear it as I once wore your words
Whispered on skin blushed with promise
Branded with sinful intent
Fading in the light of truth
Set me free
Let me wear the pieces of my heart as a reminder
There is no greater pain than your love

[mightydreamer]

.......lol......lol......LOL.....

made myself lightheaded, hehehehe, oh man haters, hehehehe, just think shit thats funny its too bad U believe everybody but me, lol

Any how thanx for the complement and paul, lol U can't hate on me its just been done before the fun is gone dude find a better hobby than hey I'm gonna kill myself give me sympathy, cumon man, U can do better

[Enigmas_Echo]

What you doing way back here on
the back forty, Get on up to the front
where you belong. Ya hear !


Enigma:p

[UnforgivenSaint]

~wacks Enigmas~ wrong thread goofball this was a double post :p

[mightydreamer]

.....shadows just to see that scene, chukkles and runs from baby~ hehe hi sexy, muaaaaaaawaaaaaah, sorry EE but these days U gotta get a laugh however U can, the shits rare enough

LuV
Me