Maybe Jarekk was right, and I do need something new...

*Through the Cracks.*

Shiny, shiny shoelaces
Look how you sparkle
Like blue flames on my feet,
Electric toes.
I'm walking over dry earth,
Avoiding puddles, cold and wet,
Not seeking shocks the way I used to,
But handing them out still
When the chances come along.
All my energy is concentrated
In the very place
I've always wanted to be
But now this orb is large and glowing
Enveloping me.

short....

um, i don't know how i feel about this piece.....i like all the way up to: "all me eneregy is concentrated".....

until that line, it was kinda funny and cute.....had somewhat of a child-like tone......from that line on, it seemed more serious and adult-like

but kudos....

Yeah...but that's exactly the feeling i was going for. I feel like I've been slammed out of my childhood into something not-so-fun :S

right on

Take a razor to my lips
How they flap in the wind
Red, red rain on the flowers
petals falling from my hair
to the trail i follow
Barefoot in a shady forest
cool dirt interrupted by
Twigs, stones and pine needles
intruding on my feet
deeper in i go, deeper still,
and the light begins to fade,
it's a cave, and a garden
I feel so very small.
The giant grub is on it's back,
wriggling writhing and laughing,
he does more situps in that instant
Than you could ever do.
I cartwheel away, dizzy and exhausted
Up a hill and out of the trees
the stars are purple and green
One shoots away to someplace new,
In the deep, quiet of the summer
The crickets chirp in the grasses
like ringing in my ears
Ringing that won't stop
So I whistle with my scabbed lips
to tune it out
To make it stop
To melt away into pollen
like a pretty flower in the rain
with shallow roots,
ripe for picking
ready to be stolen and taken away
into the forest of darkness
With it's monsters and magic
then again to be reborn in the night




...i don't know what the hell i just wrote, but i hope it's good. it's almost 4:30 and i was planning on going to bed up until i wrote the first couple of lines. haha i totally don't even know what it says. i'll come back and read it tomorrow.

dude, that's not another world; that's my large intestine.

hmmm....i read the poem and was like eh....but what you wrote about it afterwards kinda made a lil' more sense...

overall itz not a bad poem, very alive and vivid, but there's just not much there to grasp...or, itz like itz just kinda a poem, thatz definately not bad, but not good.....itz just a poem more or less.....i dunno, thatz kinda what i felt

Ah, that may be so, but it totally feels like heaven in here. *Thrusts*

Nah, I'm pretty sure it's pure shit, but thanks for bein' nice

nah, itz not pure shit....but itz not great.....itz a "filler" type of poem

well to me any poem that isn't a)meaningful, b) entertaining, or c)fun to say/hear (due to much rhyming, rhythm, alliteration, cacophony and assonance, among other "poetic devices") is total shit. This is mildly entertaining, (due to the fact that i was nodding off as I wrote, completely circumstantial) but that's where it ends...

i liked it.

i thought it was entertaining; and while it may not be meaningful, it did seem thoughtful, and to me that's just as good. better, sometimes.

meanings limit, thoughts expand.

::shrug:: but, what do i know?

it sounded like a dream poem to me-one that you have that doesn't make any sense till like weeks/months later. I thought it was alright.

I think I mostly don't like it because it doesn't flow well or sound nice. Obviously I wasn't trying, and it's not bad, taking that into account, but *shrug* we're all allowed to have shit opinions of our own work every now and then, no?

no-lol unless your right, and it does flow, if the flow is chaos of a dream......lol but I understand what your saying.

In His Web
I'm just another black widow on holiday,
Exploring someone else's sticky web.
I've stayed too long in what I think is lovely,
And I'm stuck here now like accidental prey.
Back at home my web is freshly occupied
The fly who took so long to land is trapped.
But I'm not there with open arms to greet it;
A pretty meal for someone else to eat.

hm that is a interesting metaphor what feeling over burdened and trapped. that is what i think I love most about your poetry-your unique way of connecting regular things in life and putting a personal/human twist to it. well done.

Thank you I love playing with puns and analogies... a lot of the time they just come to me from who-knows-where and I just have to work with it. I don't often have to put out an effort to be cryptic but when I do, it sounds bad anyway. I'm glad my natural metaphors are pleasing to someone else, too.