Drowning - tell me what you think - Darkforum.com - Dark Stories, Dark Art, Poetry, Photography, Debates and Discussions

~Viqueen~ · **Drowning - tell me what you think -** 03-30-07

Drowningfficeffice" />

In Sadness, In Sorrow

He cries with the rain

Dreading the Morrow

Drowning in Pain

He cries out a melody

Of dread and despair

Yearning for somebody

To be with him there

Alone

It’s tearing him apart

Alone

And his bleeding heart

Alone

Is turning to stone

Alone

It’s turning to stone

Will his heart

So weak from pain

Subside to ash

Or leap to flame?

Cause when the flame

Of hope is so small

All that he can do

Is let go and fall

In Sadness, In Sorrow

He cries with the rain

Dreading the Morrow

Drowning in Pain

Jarekk · 03-31-07

i like the meter, and the--for lack of a beter word--chorus in the middle, the way it changes the flow.

it's musical, basically, and i like that.

keep working, and i think you'll only get better. have any others to share?

SpÄrTäCüS · 06-20-07

Post more! This is cool

Zinzo · 07-20-07

Wow. I can really relate to this. It is how I sometimes feel. This is a very good verbalization of hard to describe emotions.
"Will his heart
So weak from pain
Subside to ash
Or leap to flame?"
I love this part because it expresses that the subject has a choice but in order to not become ash he has to hurl himself into the flame.

Sik Simon · 07-22-07

I love it, the wording is good, very musical, and leaps off the page with description; Only two bad things to say and they seem very personal to me, as in they wouldn't really affect anyone else: I don't understand the poem, and what is up with the title?