...Drown

2:28 a.m.
I have sinned
cannot sleep
deep thoughts churn within
with no tears
I
cry
inside
I die
outside, smiling
I lie
illusion
so close to reality for them
better to keep the secrets within
letting them out
couldn't stand to relive the pain
tell me in that
what is there to gain?
need help before the poison kills my soul
happy memories unfold
leaving me to see
I have nothing
am nothing
became nothing
lost something
everything I was
gone
thrown in that box you packed as you walked out on me
...if only you would turn to see
maybe
or maybe not
but it's a killing thought
what if's & might have beens'
leave your thoughts to decay
oh God
how long they stay
wish there was a place to hide
everything filled with tears
inside
If I opened the door
would the flood ever stop?
how long could I stay on top
before I fell on down
in myself
....I drown




...If you take my love you take my pain
& help me to shed light on the darkness that remains

....Dented Dreams

Imagination mirrors that which we want to belive...
amazing how ourselves, we decieve...
believing that which cannot be...
leaves fall for the last time
drink the tainted wine
under an oak once so strong
holding each other
the summer, forever long
where every love should belong
carve our names into the wood so pure
leave our mark forever
but promises I fear
never so permanent
fade away
as fallen leaves
now in decay
....tell me why the sun can't shine though
happiness cannot be true
dreams can't be set in stone
I'm doomed to be


...Alone

...Always

such a haunting word
from me
in the end
let it begin
paradox
of sin & doubt
left it out
when I look into your eyes
you see reflections
dark skies
frightening lies
lies you see through
you won't say a word
though
you know lies are all that are left of this fragile soul
broken
SLAM
my head against imaginary walls
WATCH
blood of dreams
seep from my cracks
WOUNDS
I never want to scar
rip them open
keep them fresh
it's only flesh
look at me from a wicked distance
thinking I'm insane?
I'm on another plain
plain of self-extermination
plain where pain bridges the Distance
no resistance
no one to stop me from trying
dying
leaving myself
loosing my best friend
only friend
myself
I guess
being self-possessed
comfortable lying to myself
telling me it's only pain
once again
SLAM
my head
WHITE WALLS
room turning red
you look at these words written in blood
the beginning of a flood
flood that will end with the last drop
(echoing on the floor)
so close to losing it all
one more quart
will I fall?
seem to have an endless supply of pain
running out of places to write
names
riddle's
& rhymes
the words of someone darkly entwined
in her own mind
stab where my heart was
one last time
a hollow shudder escapes my soul
taste copper on my lips
I plead insanity (set me free)
would you disconnect me from reality
would you
...end me?



...A darkness possesses every pore...feel the rain as it slams on down...trying to penetrate the ground...Escaping the world as quickly as it can....trying to keep it's purity as it seeps beneath the sand...

...No cure...

Take me out of the darkness I feel
I believe you can heal
I have waited so long
forgotten my song
can you show me the words?
sing them to me in a slow serenade
bring my mind into focus
from the dull blur of yesterday
can you show me how to smile?
haven't seen it for a long while
my love atrophied
being in this condition so long
can you help me go on?
do you have the patience of a thousand setting suns
the gentleness of an angels touch
the warmth of a love, untouched
I need your love but I resist
don't want to be like this
so many have tried...
they just gave up...
said there was nothing inside
but I know I am not dark to the core
I know I resist change
but can you blame?
I am scared about what little I have left to lose
cannot chance being abused
feeling used
left confused
I know then I would be
BLACK
not able to turn
back
I cannot throw caution to the wind
give in so easily to the love you send
I must be sure...for if I fail there is
...No cure...

...Smoking...


Darkness unfolds...
the story begins to be told
it's dark in here
feeding my fears
silence fills me
I plead
kill me
instantly
leave me
be
I bleed
talk of sin
talk of choice
talk of my past
I cast
out comes my gun
smoking it will be
I no longer want to run
you taught me more than anyone
how to hate myself
you took me there
couldn't have done it all alone
put your prints on the trigger
might as well come
look in my eyes
one last wish before I fly
take you you where I
lived
where I cried
where
...I died...



...Any input would be appreciated
..Suicides stemming from my poetry have been greatly exagerrated...

Any comments would be appreciated

...Burnt

you look at my words...
and you look in awe...
I pull them out of my mind like straws...
you say it's a gift...
but it's not, I insist
it is a fatal flaw
if you only saw
the pain trapped in here
never to release my fear
I sit
biting my lip
in the dark
...I'm the one alone, watching the sunset in the park
all alone I feel
not even the gods could heal
and I pray
for the darkness to fade away
but my dreams are lost
as the sun sets beyond a horizon that knows no
love...
and the stars cry from above...
knowing that I know
more than I was granted to learn
now....I again
...burn

[i]Embrace...

Does it mean anything?
the love I bring
the songs I sing
the seeds we planted so long ago
went to that place
saw they didn't grow
Should I have seen this as an omen?
of what wasn't to become?
I clawed at the ground
do you know what I have found?
seeds so black
even in the light
darkness surrounds
(my heart pounds)
holding the seeds I feel a chill
can't move my hand
frozen still
I feel it creeping towards my heart
crystalizing my sanity
I will be numb
no longer care to run
I will embrace this pain
shatter my soul
not bothering to pick up the pieces
I will stare
at the shattered image of a flower
that never grew
the sorrow of what isn't true
the loss of
...You...



...And in the darkness she cried..Hoping to be freed...
the axe came down and still she bleeds...

...Release...

I am the darkness in which you fade,
I am the darkness that highlights the shade...
I am the loss you cannot stand...
I'm your loneliness stretched upon the sand...
look into the ocean's depths, no memory is the song it sings...
In it's solitude you forget all the pain...
shut out the darkness as you spread your arms for the rain...
you escape into a world where nothing is real, no more pain do you feel...
happiness is only steps away...as you walk the images decay...
grasp for the feeling that is no longer there,,,
crumble into your despair...
lower your arms as you see the receding tide, feeling the dark emptiness creeping back inside...
looking to the stars, in the hope that they may fall from my
charcoal skies...
wishing only one dream would come true, no falling stars to whisper to...
the loneliness on the sand creates an empty pain I can no longer stand...
the darkness grips me tight in it's vise, nobody can save me tonight...
I have found my end in the ocean's tide....
It sings my song...No memory
...Tonight



...And as the angel spread her wings I glared...broke her spirit in one glance...Within my darkness an angel has no chance...