Hi everyone out there.... I´m new in the forum and this is my latest work in the poetry area. Will appreciate to have ur comments or thughts. Thanks for your time. NF.



The Destroyer


This skin makes me feel ill, this this moodturning if I see this object somwhere near by me.

This object somehow it´s even me.

Everywhere you can see the night sky, but it never looks the same, somewhere it´s always brighter.

I´m the programmed to hurt myself, I´ve planned to do the same to you.

These splitten pictures in my head.

These images taking every time an other possession of my thoughts

Somewhere you incorporate potection, other times you leave me with answers I don´t have questions to.

Sometimes you´re just to near that I get disgusted, the reflection of this self.

This wanting I only can reach when you reject me, this need I only can have when Ißm someone else.

This reality I love only if I know it´s dreamed.

This purity I can only share if if does not become too close to me.

This rule I can only be when I´m chemical soul.

This passion I only can give you if I don´t see myself.

You´re the biologic soul I will only follow if you´re a shadow.

Broken pictures in my head.

These raindrops which fall even if the night is so clear as never before.

This cover which seems such a comfort if it surrounds me.

I would spent no word if I would be you.

Do I form you into something perfect just to erase loneliness?

Pictures in my head, just there to kill the voices?

Why can´t I just be free if I hurt?

I´m the destroyer of these broken pictures in my broken head.

Very originlal and creative and very well dine!

"You're the biological soul I will only follow if your a shadow." -
I like it each time i say it. would be good to a song.

Thanks a lot, Really appreaciate your thoughts.
Here's an other one. Longer, very very long. NF.

T h e L i s t

Breathless, tormented less, hopeless.
You´re the dreamer of day, dreaming of something perfect, killing around you for it.
Reaching fake lights.
Killing animals, killing human beings.
Treating life like a material.
Slavery is your necessity.
Blood is what keeps you breathing.
Desire warms your heartless sleeve up.
Snow falls just for you, you leave blood trace on it.
You´re my sickness, you´re what I´m chasing, you´re the one who chases me.
In your rich poverty I´m what you would like to be.
Brainless, faithless, dreamless.
Your words are poison, hurting your capitalistic stupidity.
You´re what I want to eliminate, I´m the eraser, keeping your pains and miserable life as my morning joke.
Your hair grey now, you´re so old and ugly, in your boyhood.
Still needing to show your untruth, your peace which is peaceless.
Your light life is slowly fading away, and I want to be the one who will blow your candlelight out.
Deserve less, endless, timeless.
You´re the pretender.
Can´t you hear children scream, can´t you see the blood on your fingers, can´t you feel your dirty soul.
Dreamer of the prophet, dreamer of something you need as excuse for your lies.
You´re less than nothing in my eyes.
You don´t reserve respect because there is nothing respectable in you and in your acts.
Keep me alive.
I´m one of these innocent young faces you used.
Disgusted your shadow will not follow you anymore.
Youth is dead, still walking empty random somewhere.
Killer of future, you killed the past also.
You´re living in this jazzy sound, you´re the saddest and oldest persons sitting somewhere, praying to free you from your sorrow.
Your fur, so shiny in between its victims.
Crying tears of mud now.
Hang yourself for all who had to die for you.
Empty shell you are, walking on homeless insects, homeless bodies.
I´m the one who will wash away you traces, I´m your false ideology, your damn politician of power.
I´m the program of your death and the one who puts your utilised gun to your unkind head.
Poor less, depthless, hated.
I´m the one who spits on your wishes.
The one who´ll show you the light after your death and who´ll bring you there.
I´m the driver of your limousine and who crashes you down from this treeless hill.
I´m the drinker of dirty water you don´t see.
I´m the thief of your golden heart.
I´m the one who putt his mask on your face.
I´m your memory who breaks your laws.
I´m the falling angel you don´t believe in.
Your regret.
I know your dreams and I can tell you, you´ll never reach them, we will prepare the war against these.
In your perfect empire made of butterflies without wings, children without eyes anymore.
I´m the pastor who´ll listen to your last excuse, I´ll forward these to this nothing you believe in.
Tiredness, unbroken, beautiful, perfect.
I´m the reflection of the animals who lost their homes.
I´m the one who will looking for you in your nightmare, laughing about your boring life and your non-problems.
You want this beauty you cannot see and appreciate.
I´m the one who´ll not care for you when you try to ask forgiveness.
My plan is written and you´re in the middle of it.
I´ll chase you and show you images you´ve never seen before, the reason these pictures have been taken is you.
I´m the conversation who will destroy your story, the one you cannot interrupt, you cannot switch me off.
Secretly I´m the creature you´re not.
I´ve opened Pandora’s box, because I used to believe, now you´re what I find on it.
I´m drinking my consciousness away to find a way for stopping these tears you made me cry.
Can´t you hear these silent screams.
I´ll be everything you deserve.
I´ll be the hate which will come upon your karma when put on the balance.
I´m the biologic soul who will open the door of the hole without lights, I´ll even show you the way to it.
I´m your wasted time.
I´m the sand your walking on before you´ll sink on it.
The sky that falls on your golden cages you´re living in, it´s me.
I want to be the pure water which liberates you from your non-respect.
I´m the rain who will bring the eye on for having a reason to kill you.
You don´t deserve the black air your breathing.
You´re my paranoia, you´re the one who puts this weight on my back.
You´re this bastard who gives me more work to try to believe in something small.
You´re taking my chances with you, I´m the last ringing on your door.
The conception of difference is me, the proof that confirms your lies.
I´m the one who falls because of you and still tries to stand up again.
You want me so different than what I´m.
But still it´s not o.k. to be normal.
I´m so far away of being strange for your fucking games.
I´ll not feed your untruth.
I´m not ending your pain, you´re suffering on, and I´ll be the one who brings it to you when you think it´s finally over.
I´m the dying hungry rat on your cage.
The last race which you just cancelled, that´s me.
I´m the prophet who brings your guns and hate.
I´m the failed experiment.
I´m the most beautiful star on his way to earth for destroying the planet in pieces.
I´m the fear on your nightmare , the tears on your funeral.
The last sunset you´ll see will be me.
I´m the name you don´t want to know.
The noise of these daily bombs, it´s me who brings the sound near to your ears.
I´m the last shot of your suicidal gun.
I´m the vomit when you´re sick realising the person you are.
Think about all your mistakes.
The destination you don´t have, I´m the non-difference which you´re not waiting for.
Your silence it´s me, and the one who suffers on it, too.
I´ve no philosophical worth, I´m just your material.
I´m the tree you kill for your Christmas Eve, is this what you teach your children?
I´m the love you´re scared of when meeting me.
I´m the flesh, Engels son.
The pest, the greed on your deadline is me.
I´m the dog you free on fights, the beast you want to be master of.
I´m the hit kid you have.
The last unborn you use to catch because of your luxury.
I´m the last oil drop you´re fighting for.
I want to be summer rain.
Instead you leave me as melt ice.
I was the kid who use to laugh before you took my smile away.
I´m the ashes of burning land, you bring on flames.
You´re laughing about me now, I can hear it.
My word, grain of sand.
I´m what you don´t dare to be.
I´m freedom you don´t look for.
The green you take for writing down your dirty number is what is left of me.
The bad consciousness which touches you once in life is my thought.
I´m the fictive feeling you have of purity.
I´m the solution you need for feeling better.
The fear for the truth is what I´m telling you.
I´m what you´ll never be.
I´m everything I hate on you.

jesus it reminds me of someone in my family. I love your descriptions; vivid; they take me somewhere and remind me of things. personally i've never written anything that long but you made it stick so i commend you.

Thanks a lot. Really appreciate your words. Here's an other one, "Inside self" its name. NF


And once again I die in this reality.
In my chemical world everything seems fine.
To find some freedom is that hard, sometimes it comes that fast.
I want to give so much.
Share so many things,.
Give birth to so many feelings.
Give other thoughts a place.
Tell so much truth.
Spend a lot of time.
I want to be so normal, you desearve this, do I, too?
But I can´t, I don´t want to.
I know the walls around my brain so well, I feel them so deep that I want nobody near them.
Fucking egoistic wanting chemical souls that I am, I know.
To share feelings out of this unreality is so strange to me, I turn away from it.
I know a lot outside there, but I find ocean´s breeze only inside this self.
So many times I hate this becoming, this being, this choice, these voices.
But at the end these words make speechless, leave hard, give sometimes something.
They bring everything I want to feel.
This inside self gives insanity, hours of drinking to find a way back home.
I know the hate on it, I know the love on it, it´s my refuge because I accept.
It´s every drug I can´t have, it gives me every breath to survive, it´s every cocaine to me.
Without it I change, and afterwards I die.
Only this inside self I is what I know, and I don´t want to change the habit around it, breaking it would be self-destruction, not to break, too.
I´m the dreamer in this unreality, I´m the dreamer of this nightmare, I´m the nightmare who destroys other´s dreams.
I see you somewhere, but I feel free to know this is just unreal, existent only on my brain wall.
Outside there I cannot hide, I clearly hear thousands voices, which only perfectly fits together when I´m alone.
I can only find a form which is normal to me when I stay miles away from these things I would to let born.
Forgive me I can´t give them life.
I think I´ve to stay a stranger to these dreams that I want to share.
I´ve to keep this unknown as a sort of ennemy.
I have to protect me from the wantings of this self, to keep on being myself.
A strager would be a virus, even if I damn would accept this illness, that normal for everybody except of me.
The air I need to breath comes from what slowly kills me, but this is what I know, it´s what I want, so it´s fine, even if something on all that is very wrong.

Here is one of the last 4 poems I was working on lately. Will appreciate your thoughts and comments if it's ok for you. NF.
The Voyage. Part 1.

And what kind of bizarre prefessional melancholic he is.
Nothing comes nothing goes.
All stages stays the how they are and I just want to change them.
I need something new to feel, I need something different to put life in confrontation with.
I want some thoughts, lost in a labyrinth to keep my head busy.
All same places, all same faces.
All same voices, all same drinks.
Where ever I go it seems I´ve been before.
I already know before I see the non-difference.
This world locks me in this box which I don´t want to stay in.
I want to move, but if I do, I just find myself splashed in an other box again.
Where is life?
Where different feelings?
Where is a non-void?
No answer.
Another dimension with other words.
I don´t understand these words but they all sound so boring like the conversations I heard before.
New faces around me, but they still look so dead like the ones I´ve seen before.
No inegration. No difference. No creation. No abnormality. No dreams. No future.
Nothing new. Nothing.
No change on this boring biological area.
Will the chemical soul save me once again?
Yes, putting the self in greater untruths.
Waste of time. Waste of faces. Waste of life. Wasted dimensions.
All lights shine the same way.
All laughter sounds the same.
So many times I believed to be the architect of this boxes I´m living in, they put me in.
Each construction should change if the envirage gives other bricks.
But still it´s the same.
Flowding in the black sky, waitings to go higher up and to fall down again.
On the ground again. Blood again. Dead again. Questions again.
I´m free in a labyrinth.
I´m free in a big box of roules which seem to give me a choice, but miserably they don´t.
Fictive illusion.
You´re my worse ennemy and I´ve known you for so long that I cannot hate you anymore.
Destination is already marked, signed somewhere wrong?
I cannot erase , can´t change more than I already do.
Arms wide open to every thing new, but nothing gives me anything different as the same old shit I already know.
Can I die outside there?
Was that it?
Does it make any sense anymore outside there?
Never I take a break to realise, never I feel something real.
My world so distant.
Sometimes some movements in there.
Sometimes some surprises in there.
Sometimes something deep in there.
Streching out my hands to keep something for a while, but always missing it.
Always too late, always too wrong.
I´m a passenger who wants to take this train to a different destination.
But this one always goes in the same direction.
I´m the passenger they don´t want to take.
Too many expectations and questions in my luggage.
Chemical area finally reached, but even in this place, everything stays the same tonight.
I know all the ways that bring me to it, and all ways that bring me out.
Once I spent many time in the void, born somehow again I woke up in a rush, I felt feelings smashed into my faces.
The place does not surpise me anymore.
Air, breathe, new, feel.
Heartbeating goes the same way, only death will bring a change.
Nobody talks, no souls see and I´m slave of it.
We all meet in this drunk zone and everyone turns in a bitch soul.
Will I regret have given place to pain which sometimes makes me feel a complete abstract life?
A smile would change so many things, but I don´t want to give one from this nothing.
This page, always wearing the same boring words.
These drugs always putting me in the same situation.
All mornings look the same again.
Always the same professional melancholic.
This written fuck seems never turn into a new form.
All these biological souls, all wanting the same.
All these biological souls, all almost giving the same.
Time is running and these dead faces go with it.
And I´m again somewhere else where everything is the same again.
A labyrinth, everyone has the impression to loose its way, but it´s just fictive fact.
You believe to control, but you just running around in this labyrinth I constructed.
I´m the architect.
Now too old and too bored.
Nothing is new.
It´s time to go.
It´s time to leave.
It´s time to die.
My thoughts, so high up, so down there, they always talk the same to me.
I´m sick of it.
I take the change.
I break the habit.
I go out of the routine.
I die.

"I don´t understand these words but they all sound so boring like the conversations I heard before.
New faces around me, but they still look so dead like the ones I´ve seen before."
seriously. thats my life.
it puts me back into my mid-twenties crisis i've been going through lately. nothing is new. yep......i appreciate that you wrote it before i had to. hah. later.

Actually as I wrote that I was in holiday... hoping to find something else for just a while... but well... Illusions are dirty friends... here is Part 2. NF.

The Voyage. Part 2.

Strange heat comes over me.
Is it the coldness of snow, is it a burning picture in my head?
Is it my chemical souls who screams again?
People blare, laugh, dance and trip out.
It´s hard to be a stranger.
It´s hard to fix my eyes away from this dead page.
In each division always the same hierarchy.
In each area always the same carachters.
God was not that creative as he invent personalities.
All part of a mass of unknown well-known.
All together in a mass of loneliness.
Train directed to destination death.
Next stop: heaven.
Should I get off? Should I wait one more?
I´m sick of this art shit.
I´m sick looking for a small breath of sucess and proudness.
I´m sick of these complications.
I´m sick of seeing these colours.
I´m sick of writing these same sounding words.
I´m sick of this thinking.
I´m sick to be drunk.
Unseen. Unread. Unheard. Misunderstood.
Let me go back to normality.
Give me the keys to open these doors.
Give me courage to let all go and give me weakness to find a break.
Give so much chemical soul to lose myself just for a while, just to forget for a few moments.
Let me sleep with open eyes.
Seems that someone out there can read my needs.
Seems that I reflect some emotions.
Seems that people want to give me the last pill.
Seems that I wake curiosity again.
But leave me alone there.
Air starts to get colder.
Words start to be accepted.
I start to see clear again.
Thoughts get silent again.
I´m drunk again.
I see the bliss.
I see the insanity.
I feel the smile on my face.
I feel the disturbed mind.
Where you want to push me?
You insane people.
So ingnorant your unconscoiusness.
Why you do everything to make my wounds bleed again?
So unfair, so unknown, there is no mistake in the air.
Tic, toc, tic, toc, the past knocks.
Again you at the door, and you people invited him to finish his calm sleep tonight.
Is this a trick?
There is no mistake in the air.
Collaborations. Desearve less. Expenctations. Sickness. Proud less. Trophy less. Losers. Placeless.
But all I see I already saw.
Time is gone and all words seem out of place.
Smashed on the corner of the room, the more I disocialise this self the more I feel the stream which calls me back.
Nothing happens, words are lost.
Nothing moves, nothing gets out of me.
I´m jealous type.
I´m the unsure type.
I´m the unprofessional melancholic .
Fixed less type I´m.
Waving in between happiness and sadness.
Both fighting to control this moment.
Just an other time in this timeless line.
I can hear the damn screams and laugher.
This conflict makes me tired and I´m happy because of this.
I´ll help you out in your war.
Suffocating you.
Screaming louder, killing you both.
Repetition. Wars. Dilemmans. Laments.
Pearls of blood.
And no rights to do so.
Victimity.
I don´t belieave on it.
I fight against it.
It takes me back all time.
I escape.
I get followed all the time.
A place to hide from the place I hide myself now.
Go out. Breath.
Violence. Rape. Blood. Kill.
Why should I go out there?
You don´t desearve my blood until you fight with each other because of something who is not proved of his existance.
You don´t desearve ideas until you teach your children to act under your hate.
You don´t desearve to have life until you give it away fot putting it into war.
You don´t desearve to be saved if you still believe in distruction.
You don´t desearve my trust until you don´t change your habits.
You don´t desearve a thing from me because of your way of playing this dirty game.
Don´t you believe I see beyond your amusements? Well, I do.
Let me feel life.
Let me feel true laws.
Stop giving me disapointment.
Let me feel proudness.
You can´t? Then it will be the dead point for each of us.
I´m not scared. You are.
I loose date. I loose days.
I loose myself somewhere in a chemical area and it´s fine this way.
Opened eyes blocked somehow in a void, where an invisible thing is.
Are you surprised?

i adore "Let me sleep with open eyes"...down to "nothing gets out of me". its funny that i really enjoy longer poem's (in comparison to mine) and i want to write one in the style of what you do. so i'll sit and have this big plan and it never works out and i always cut it short. It's like having a ton of things to share but not speaking the right language. So are there any more parts?

Thanks a lot for your words again.... I wish the book with my German poetry will have the same effect on a little crowd like some of the poems on English in here... oh well dreams!!!! The Voage is finished... but here something else, was really trippy actually...

Letter written by my thought

I make your day night.
Close yourself in your home, where you stay away from the sun.
Making your chemical life, you´re biological soul has been eaten from me many years ago.
Don´t dream, don´t talk, don´t realise.
Close yourself in your sick planet.
Try to come out once more.
I catch you again, I follow you again, I find you again.
I´m your purity even if you call me dirt.
I´m your present even if you think I´m stocked in your past.
I´m your future when you think I´m sleeping in your head.
My thousands voices talk to you, my infinite way to disturb your joy.
You´re smiling now, laughing about me.
I leave you alone for a few happy time before I´ll marry you again.
Before I wake again, before I play with you once more, before I´m hungry again.
Stop hating me becuase I know the need you have for me.
Stop loving me if I feel how hard you try to choke my with your drugs.
I´m the jealous type, I know, I erase every soul who tries to be near to you.
I´m the pessimistic type, I know, I always let you feel regret if you try to reach happiness.
I´m the protective type, I know, I always catch you up if you try to run away into reality.
I´m the passioned type, I know, I always try to touch you with my depth.
I´m the old type, I know, and will give you many years in short time, too.
You´re the only biological soul I want to torturate.
You´re my dark lover.
You´re the white bleeding skin I want to wear.
So many times we´ve found a way to have conversations, but still you try not to listen to me.
Skyes will crash on you if you do.
My way to reach you is hat high that nothing else could be a competition to me.
I´m the most beautiful form you paint if you try to take distance from me.
I´m always near.
You invented the most beautiful words for sharing feelings with me.
I´m the only thing who makes you feel life, alive.
I´m the one who shows you ways of insanity you want to reach, to hide from.
I´m eternal voices, but each one has your sound.
I´m your fear, but you cannot resist me.
I´m insane temptation.
I want you now even if I know you need a break from my hard way to destroy you.
Stop talking about me, because we both know outside here there is no one who will understand you how I do.
You naive thing, you´re making me laugh with your stupid manner to find freedom.
They lie to you. Patience-less.
They use you, untrue souls around you.
Many times you tried to open the doors of our home to them, but I´ll not give permission to step in.
Encapsulated from this false way, I protect you.
Outside there is no air for you to breath.
I heard you were saying this once.
I will never forget your words and actions, even if you try to confuse me, to erase me, to kill me.
I´m your thoughts, you cannot find a reason to eliminate me.
I´m your timeless life, I´m your eternity.
Maybe I should apologise for so many things I pushed you to do to yourself, and I still do force you so.
Maybe I should find another way to make you busy.
Maybe I should stop to break you in pieces.
Maybe I should accept the hate you have for me and leave.
But I cannot, I´m captured, I´m the slave, your slave.
If I go, you´ll catch me again, you´ll follow me again, you´ll find me again.
I´m the only thing you know, I´m the one who brings you comfort in so many modes. in so many times.
But still, you want to fight against me.
Untrue souls in that outside bring you to do this to me.
To me, the one so kind, the one so soft, waving in your head like the air after a summer rain.
I´m the wormth who stays around you, like the warm blood who comes out from your wounds.
I´m this grey haze who gives you truth, like the first morning after a long emptyness.
I´m the red colour of your favorite painting.
I´m the flow on your favorite feeling to let all go.
You and me.
Closed in this shining night, where everything falls apart, where nobody cares, were the sound of rain is my gift to you.
I´m generous with my lover.
All thing you create, they all have the reflection of my face.
All thing you almost are, it´s because of me.
You cannot leave.
Please don´t.
I know you will always try so again, again and again.
I know you want to go.
I know you don´t want to share with me anymore.
I know you will be dead soon.
Please don´t.
Don´t give me goodbye, because I don´t want to be the one who has to stand at your funeral party without you.
I´ll not because as soon you decide to give your life away, my last breath will pass through my lungs, too.
I´m the egoistic type, I know, I never want you to feel reality.
I´m the speaker type, I know, I always want you to hear only my voice.
I´m the frightening one, I know, I always bring you back into fear.
I´m the pretending type, I know, I always want you to feel me.
I´m the imaginary type, I know, I always bring you pictures you want to have burned.
Is my consciousness a dirty one?
You said no.
Is my hard way to act wrong?
You said no.
Is my bringing you back in time a mistake?
You said no.
Is my persistance of life dangerous for you?
You said no.
Is my decision to force you to choose me a fault?
You said no.
Is my habit to pushing you down a pervertive one?
You said no.
You´re the reason I´m alive.
I´m the reason why you believe.
I can feel how you´re acting now, wanting to stop my words, to break me, to push me away, to calm me down.
Your meaning to say goodbye for a while, endless to me.
I leave. I go. For a while.
You hurt yourself, you hurt this biolical souls waiting for you outside these doors.
You hurt me.
And I will hurt you back because of this.
I´m the deranged type, I know.
I´m the dirty one, I know.
I´m the sinner, I know.
I apologise to make you tremble.
I apologise to not control your chemical souls.
I apologise for these ups and downs that you have because of me.
I apologise that you always have to do war against me.
I apologise to let scream your past that loud, and I apologise to let you feel guilty because of it.
I apologise to bring you cold days and push you in loniless.
I apologise to become a void and to be so complicated.
I apologise to be still the same, but at the end of all this, I know you don´t want me to be different.
I know at the end of all this I´m you.
I know at end of all this, this is a letter to myself.

Back again. Something trippy just below. Carefully reading. It's very long again. NF.


Pearls of night.

Lost somewhere between day and night.
Born to leave everyone, born to be left alone.
Pearls of night, tears on my unspoken face, fallen dreams, pushed away from dreamed stars, killed from real dirt.
Mind speaks again, everyone shut non-thoughts, non-words.
I promise, never keeping my word because I’m scared to be near to someone.
Disgusted from this self.
Ups and downs make me forceless, these tempos make me strong.
But don’t want to become more stronger.
This fucking wall around this self, made of these stones from the past time
Cold within these dead trees around the ruin.
All the ugly stories which crash through this broken bulwark, I don’t want this anymore.
Stop this pearls of night.
Tears on my closed eyes.
Stop giving me strength and this cold and colder feeling.
This house I´m in, forced to stay in there because I´m strong.
Let me go out of these closed doors, locked from outside.
Let me sink in weakness, let lights shine from me, let weakness find comfort.
Let me breath.
Don´t let me crawl up hills, don´t push me down from it again.
There are no holes, but this disharmony is my harmony.
Conflict is the way I´ve taken.
I climb, I fall.
Looking for freedom somewhere between all this.
Seems it´s all that I know, so it´s all that I´ve to accept.
Three sides life, I´m in to.
Three side view I look from, natural born.
There is someone outside of me.
Judged by my mind, the hangman, demon with a mouth.
Let me breath, let me go, let me talk and free me from this self by myself.
Unheard words, speechless somewhere.
Let me tell the truth.
Sitting in some places where I promised to meet.
Lies because of scary dreams, wanting to hide myself.
Turning into my house, trustless.
Again I talk because blood became chemical poison.
My words somehow, between lines and painted rounds.
I keep myself within.
Everyone is invited, there is people talking but no one is there.
Silence go away from me, silence be my friend.
I hide under the ground.
Seeing the self walking in the endless labyrinth of trees.
Forest made of thoughts, falling leaves.
Fog shines in front of me, I know the truth, it needs much more to make me blind.
Walking in circles, so far away from where bodies sit.
Deep sinking nowhere, I cannot move my biological soul anymore.
I know you.
I feel how you suck sigh out of me.
Then calm again.
This ghost-thoughts, pretending not to exist, but still perturbing me.
You will never find a way to le me open these doors.
Running away from biological souls, already met to often, I know you.
There is a street, there is a storm which pushes me around.
Lost in fire.
Broken wall from war, from the conflict.
Far distant I see some flames.
Am I coming from there of did I choose to made it to my destination?
My dreams don´t care about their wishes, neither they talk with me anymore, to less I believed on them.
Give me some sleep, tired of this voices which talk nothing, which bring nowhere.
I used to speak, I don´t anymore.
Turning inside.
This lot, this empty weight I´m carrying on.
These wounds won’t stop bleeding, no matter how much I care, no matter how loud I scream, no matter how much they hurt.
Let me go, I know you, you will not.
Let me construct this wall higher, let me be this, else I won´t to be.
Let give this an end, let this end be me.
Let me go out of this house, to keep the promises I gave, let me break these lies.
I want to talk but still I´ve no voice.
Empty shell I’m, so full of this kind of nothing, I´ve no space for anything else.
Somewhere I think my brain is working of capacity, there is emptiness though.
Hear my word living, I know everything already, it´s an endless repetition.
Each conversation I already hold with my chemical soul.
These words seem so unreal outside here, they seem to be flowing in a wrong way each time I try to speak.
Kept between spoken and listened.
Just a cheap copy.
Just a fucking fake from something heavy.
I need to destroy this room I´m in.
And again I´m drunk.
I keep on watching this painted movement of this mind.
Where does it go?
This coloured circulation, like warm blood, spat out these screams against me because I said I hate.
This broken promise, this lie I used against freedom.
Means that truth is free? No answer.
Splitting mind, foolish behavour.
Trying to act in the known norm because I´m awed to scare.
Flipping out I don´t realise people anymore, deep feelings keep my chemical soul attached on this sold cold frozen ground.
I just want to loose the self.
Smashed appreciation from outside to me, lost I don´t want know how to handle it.
I don´t want to hate, neither to love.
Leave me with your kind words, leave me with your truth word, leave me with your lies.
Give me an answer to the self, an apology to it.
Give me something broken to repair, give me something new, give me something I don´t know, bring me into silence.
Give me a million night stars and let me loose my mind in that unknown space.
Give me air, give me obvious less.
Keep far away from this ok status I´m in.
Push me there when I need to.
Write down all these words and don´t laugh.
Give me a chance to be heard, give nothing because nothing is new.
Give me feeling.
Meeting souls is easy, meeting the right ones is impossible.
To many expectation because of this complex mind system.
Never said my life is beautiful but it´s dammed interesting: is this enough?
Is this it?
If I only could know if I´m doing right.
If I only could predict the minute before my death and know if I would feel ok with what I´ve done and gave to myself.
What if it´s not so?
What if I should have listened to this voice who always talk about liberation, what if this one is the truth?
So much noise in my head, but no replies.
Things are nicely getting heavy and confused, flooded away somewhere in this non-blood in my veins.
Voices are again getting compact in just one only mass scream, wasted into nothing: honesty hide yourself and don´t talk to this fictives ears.
There is none here, don´t you see?
Is this desolation what gives me life?
Yet these dead pages keep me alive.
There is a nice road somewhere outside there, I walk into it sometimes, then I loose myself nicely on it, in places I find some pure air.
Slowly leads me to an end.
I crossed the dead line, somewhere in my past, now I got followed by it.
Once time something is near to die, it never gets back to life again.
Sinking in this French water.
Determination is not something clear, nothing pure.
This dead pages are what keeps me alive tonight.
My chemical souls is what brings determination, extermination, introductive in massive freedom.
I accept the talked lies from the past.
Falling down from somewhere, hit on the floor of this known routine.
So many words I find nowhere, so many feeling I don´t feel.
The more I push the self, the more it gets frozen in indefinite places;
the way from it is clear, the way to it, even more.
Dirty sticky windows won’t let me see what I´ve seen so many times before.
I´ve to leave, fast, faster.
Dangerous kind I´m.
Watching this self in the mirror.
Pearls in the reflection if I try to reach my souls trough my eyes.
Dead ice.
Frozen wreck you are.
Breaking the reflected face in thousand pieces, washed away the next morning, as if nothing happened before.
Something aggressive in this unlocked house.
I don´t see my shadow anymore, I´m sure it´s somewhere around in between this given lies and promises.
I´m everywhere, but I don´t feel where the most: give me words and I´ll say them.
Got out from a non-concept. Take me in again.
Strangers are the ones which understand, far away they kept what I say.
Pearls of night will not shine anymore.
There is no sound, there is no noise, no bad voice.
I´m the picture on the broken wall.
The faint who tries to scream.
I´m the stranger in town, the trophy of bad jokes.
You get too much into my world and then you run.
So many times I tried to jump from the bridge, mother’s face swallowed in the depth.
It was a cold winter air I remember.
I used to hate her for keeping me alive.
So many times I tried to reach a destination, so many times my father said I would fail.
Headfuck now.
I felt into emptiness on this dead life line, my body smashed on the floor where girls ask for cheap price.
In this empire of dirty windows I keep watching outside.
Crawling out from filter of life, destroying myself.
Calm mind I´ve now, keep it warm from myself for myself.
Time to go home, through this woods of thoughts, deforested trunks.
Stand up and watch your life from there, sit down and march under your life line.
Change position of view to understand.
This dead pages give me what somebody rarely can.
This dead pages never end, they just begin to live.
This perfect moment, I breath with the last gasp I´ve in my chemical heart.
Steps into hell, tell me to go back.
I know I´ll not sleep if I turn away and close the door behind me.
I know you and I know your name.
Lost in these ups and downs.
The cancer of life eats me from outside, all these pills will change nothing.
All this sleep will not change these mistakes.
I´ll be quiet for a while, I´ll shut my dreams and my non-hopes for a moment.
The next hour of walking up again will only be the same.
The wall on this build house burns, I know it´s time to go, at the end, only words.
I know it´s time to leave, but I don´t know where, this is all I know.
Outside there, I´m a stranger, unknown, unfelt, misunderstood.
I´m nowhere anymore.
It´s not a sad day, I know it because I said this before somehow.
It´s one of this never endless days, with no thing with no nothing.
This pearls of night which didn’t fall like I presumed they would do.
I´ll collect tears some other time, some other life.
I know this head noise, I heard it before many times.
It never stops, it never does.
Leave me.
Keep me in yourself.
Somewhere, somehow.
Pearls of night, don´t cry.
Everything will be better tomorrow, even if you know it´s not so.
Keep this dreams.
Lie to yourself again.
Dream about perfectionism.
Dream about an endless smile, while you know you don´t want it so.
Fill up this with all nothing, while you know it´s not so.
Tell the truth, while you know you don´t believe on it anyway.
Stop filling up this dead pages, and I do so.
This pearls of night never die and I´m happy with it.