| Crowded Spaces -
05-28-07
I walk in never
of my own accord.
Always dragged
and dragging a smoke
into one more sardine can
jam band display window
of over rated flesh.
I slam into the wall
of beer soaked
whore seeking
assholes
smelling of cheap colognes
and the disgusting cunts
that choose them.
it starts.
panic
I fight to the bar.
I wait
The bartender walks by me
I take out my wallet
The bartender walks by me
I nod to the bartender
The bartender walks by me
I hold the money in the air
The bartender walks by me
I shout
The bartender walks by me
a guy pulls up next to me
and without a word
The bartender stops.
Panic
I feel too crowded
I NEED AIR
Panic
No room to stand
No room at a table
No room on the patio
No room in the fucking pisser
Panic
My friend leans in
"hey man" hey yells in my ear
Even then barely understandable
From all the other drunken screamers
Panic!
"If someone can't get a girl
in here he's a loser"
I have been defined
Panic!
I find a chair
God bless that chair
my that chair stand
till the end of days.
I try to sit and look
disinterested
it is better that way, I think
To be disinterested
rather than awkward.
I try to socialize
Panic!
I smile
ignored
I speak
ignored
I joke
ignored
I am quiet
they talk about how quiet I am
Panic!!!
I want to go home
Panic!!!
I feel sick
Panic!!!
A girl looks at me
then speaks to her friends
they all look at me
They laugh hysterically
PANIC!!!!!!
I leave as quickly as possible
I sit in my car hoping I won't cry
it's worse when I cry. "Running through my mind
As a bullet through my brain
Less than god
More than man
nothing but a plan
end the future or go insane" |