Critical


A cascade of lovely forbidden sickness,
disease in an oily cocoon that scavenges my insides.
Sticky salvation ridden in this fake womb.

I'm buried deep within my wounds.

Blue is truely the reflection of the sky on a storm wind.
And my life is shortened; everything in disarray.

The slightened curls of sexual meanderings of fake believing march on in my head,
I welcomed death and it welcomes me too.
And every thought I had ended tragic
because deep inside, I didn't know.....

about her. She left a hole in my heart
And my soul is practically hollow as hers.
A disconnection first broken at it's stem grows thin in my system.
Time for shutdown now; sleep tight and die forward on.

And should I say goodbye to her?
Without me, she will die too.
In that garden of blossoming curiousity she has made,
she will take her last breath bathed in her paranoia blood roses.

Thank you, for letting go.
I just didn't know.

*This is how I view my online bf Matt's thoughts and his about me. He's pretty much almost gone...I just know it. I haven't heard from him these past few days...and I don't think he might be returning back....I don't think it's possible anymore. And I still love him.....but every sense of my love to him is dead. Well, at least this time, I'm not crying.*

Your first two stanzas have great imagery. I can hear and see and feel and really just know what you're trying to make us see. The rest of it gets a bit weak, it gets very telling and lacks that poinent imagery. I'm not sure the picture is needed, but i guess people like pictures? And the explanation is generally not accompanied with the poem posted.

You've got some great skill as evident in the beginning though, look forwards to seeing more