my 18th birthday was on saturday, the 9th. the next day, my great-grandmother passed away. she was 96 and it was her birthday. my father decided not to tell me that she was in a coma, let alone when she died. i feel so hurt and angry at his actions.i loved my grandma-how dare he keep such information from me! of course, no one celebrated my birthday. i didn't even recieve a cake. my mom's parents sent some money and a card but no one else even bothered with me. i'm not saying that i want i want i want but few even remembered that it was my birthday. how can i get out of this rut and on the road to feeling better? please don't be too harsh.

well at least your mom's parents sent you a card and some money. that is better then not getting anything on your birthday. well since your great grandmother was going into a coma and died. maybe your dad didn't want you to see her go through all that coma kind of a mess. and like he wanted to protect you from it. if you have understood what i ment by that. but i'm sitting here thinking that you did. since i have no idea of what i ment by that. as far as dealing with it. accept that your great grandmother has died. and that she lived a long full-filled happy kind of a life. and that her time on earth was finished. at least she is in a better place where isn't suffering. remember all the good times that you have spent with her and forget about the bad times. because that would bring you down. if you remember the bad times. i don't know if i should say that. but i'm just saying that just incase you happen to run into it and start blaming your self. you know what i mean? anyway here is a birthday cake for you silverflame. and i hope that what i said was some what helpfull and accurate.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...n/untitled.bmp

aw, thanks shy

your welcome.

I sounds a little childish but make yourself a cake and put some candles on it.

It'll a make you feel better.

Happy Birthday

thanks usher

Aaw Im really sorry to hear that mate. I think your dad was trying to protect you from it. Plus you probably have far better memories than her being in hospital with tubes poking out of her everywhere. The way I remeber my Grandad is unfortunately telling him Id see him later as he was sat on the edge of his bed he smiled, I walked off and that night he died. It is so hard not to remember them like that I would have preferred to not have seen him like that because it broke my heart. Your dad did you good in that or at least I feel he did. You may appreciate him for it later on. Death in any family is hard and it can hit one person in the family more than another.
Death hits a family on a whole and Im sure that people didnt mean to forget your birthday its just that something that hits you hard can knock you off balance if you know what I mean. Things in my family weren't right for a long time, my nan died then my grandad died and then my great auntie died within three months so we were all very unstable with it all. Remember the good times you had with her, for who she really was.
I hope everything runs smoothly for you. xxx

To cheer yourself up, go partying! Find a nice club and go dancing! Take along some friends... have a few drinks, whatever it takes! You'll meet some new people, and have a good time! *turns on loud music and dances with silver*

As it was said before - your Dad was attempting to protect you. I'm sure that if he knew how deeply it hurt you, he would not have done it.

Oddly enough, I have a very similar experience. My Grandfather died on a Sunday... my Grandmother died the follow day - Monday. My mother kept this from be because she didn't think I could handle two deaths in two days. Finally Wednesday rolled around and she told me. I was not only fucking pissed off at my mother for waiting so long, but I felt guilty for some odd reason.

Anyway, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You have every right in the world to be mad at your Dad for not telling you - even if he thought he was protecting you. You are entitled to your anger, and perhaps it would do Dad some good to know exactly how you feel and how hurt you are.

being honest with myself about what's really bothering me hasn't always been an easy thing. but the truth of the matter is, we often times wanna confuse ourselves about what really hurts to ease the pain a little.
when my grandpa died while i was 16, it really hurt. for a long time. people assumed i was just real close to my grandpa, and we were, but in my own head i knew i had a peace with him being gone. what was hurting that whole time was seeing my dad hurt. and when i finally acknowledged this fact, i started goin and doing things to help him get his mind off of it. i'd ask him if he wanted to go hike or something, and soon enough he was doing good again. so was i.
so, silver, are you sad about an unnoticed birthday? or are you sad because you lost your great-grandma, and now you're projecting the hurt over to the birthday, because that's an easy thing to be hurt over? another thing i wonder about is, are you mostly hurt because you've been "lied" to? understand his reasoning. i don't find any lie to be productive, but in this case, it was well intended.
it might hurt worse to acknowledge the things that really weigh you down, but it helps you cope a lot quicker.

16 candles eh .... sorry ..life goes on .

You have my sympathies on both counts.
Most of my family are dead or in other countries, and forgetting my birthday has become something of a hobby for them, but Jesus, if I forget them I hear about it forver!


Death is my job and before that I was a nurse.
People hide from death these days, talking about it is supposed to be morbid, but death's equal is birth.
We no longer care for our dead ourselves, it's all sanitised and dispached to others. Maybe if we did we'd be able to deal with it better.

You cannot be protected from the death of a loved one, it's just not possible. I feel your family made a mistake trying to shield you, just as when my grandfather died I was not told until after the funeral as they thought I wuld be upset, but of course, I was not only sad at his death but also at the denial of the chance to say goodbye.
I am a parent now, and just like mine did I do my best, but it is not always good enough, I know that, and I'm sure your family were just doing the same. Forgive them, but make sure you let them know at some point that you were hurt.


Happy birthday to you from me.
Make a wish.

thanks guys, i really do appreciate the support. there's a little more to the story though. i had known that my great-grandmother was sick and got to visit her in the hospital about 3 or 4 days before she passed away. her birthday was the day after mine and apparently, they had a party for her on my birthday. the information that this was occuring was not related to me correctly (the party), therefore i didn't go to it. my father felt that because i didn't go to this party the day before she died, that i shouldn't know that she had passed away. all because i got the wrong information and my father felt like being an asshole and holding this information over my head to make me feel even guiltier than i already did.