I am in turmoil right now. My 15 year old daughter has been doing alot of craziness lately that i had no idea about. and since her dad and i are seperated, she lives with him, I feel so frustrated that it has gone this far without me knowing. I love her with all my heart, and tonight she freaked on me and clicked off on me when I got upset... I didnt yell or cuss or threaten... just told her dad I would bring her butt here and keep eyes and ears on her so the drugs and sex would not take me by surprise. I will do what it takes to be a good mom even if she hates me for it... but i feel so hurt and sad and confused... since many of you are teens who are battling their parents, I thought you may be able to help a mom at her lowest understand.

I'm sure she will do better with you then she is with me, Misery. She always respected you more. Right now she doesn't want to listen to anything she doesn't want to hear, including advice. She has indicated she thinks she needs more discipline, and you were always better at that. Plus, you can get her to open up to you, whereas she just stares daggers at me.

While she is going through a lot, she tends to blame our separation for all of her problems. She loves us both and knows we care, and she may be a little afraid of your repurcussions. She gets pissed off when I tell you anything she has done or has told me, but she will have to deal with it.

If you get any meaningful advice here, please pass it on to me. I can use all the help I can get.

Take Care, and good luck.

WOW..

Best i could offer is that she is going through a stage of 'screw the parents'.. a common phase for split parents..
be steady, stay yourselves, and all shall prevail..

Course you could just look at her and ask "what the F**K is up with you these days??"
Bold move, but hell, can't really hurt..

it is all so very soul wrenching... I always wanted her to be strong and live her potential, which is truely astounding, and I have alot of blame for myself in this. And now I am days away from having twin boys and am supposed to be bed bound... god, I just feel like I failed her... and she was the last person I ever wanted to hurt. Now I sit here with salty rivers down my cheeks, a familiar theme in my life... one which I would do anything to spare her from... and the nagging fear and doubt and pain all smash like glass to shread me... what can I do? I need help. She said to me recently that our seperation was bad timing... that if it had been a few years before she was just a kid and would have gotten over it, if a few years later she would have been out of the house... and imagine the guilt I have for it. I want to make everything ok again, but i cant see how. *sad eyes and quivering lip* do I confront her with force? with sympathy? I am affraid I will drive her away with either one.

Hrm, 15... Turn into puberty/adolescense (I fail to see why people see these as seperate periods in life). She is attempting to break free from parental bonds prematurely, as does every teen. Try and reveal why such is not yet possible.

Also her sexual desires will begin to play up... I do not know exactly how the relations lie with you Beloved, but honestly, if I know you a bit, I know you to be rather laid back and free as far as sexual issues are concerned... It could be that your daughter is copying that behaviour (since childred -do- copy their parents). I would not worry about drugs for the present...

Bottem line? Give her a bit of attention... Treat her less as a -child- but more as a young adult. Learn her the responsibilities adulthood brings, and she may yet choose to remain a child for now...



Oh, and one more thing, perhaps a bit wicked... But if she sees you giving birth, it should stimulate her to use birth control for the first 10 years methinks...

Teach by example.

Pretty much

Be Honest
Tell her how you feel about her, how worried you are etc etc

Listen
Ask her how she feels, let her talk

If neccessary, be brutal
Tell her she's being a bitch. Let her see you cry, let her see how she's hurting you. Its quite likely this will shock her into acting in a more civilised, less selfish manner.

also, if she's going do things anyway, make it so that she can come to you for help. be sure contreception is easily available etc.

apprently, girls that have a close relationship with their mothers wait for before they have sex. although she may already have, tightening that bond will at least help her to see your view.

thanks guys... I talked with her, and told her of my concerns and asked her how she felt and what was going on... and it was tough, but I think we got alot out in the open and as you said, it may be better to be concerned AND there for her at the same time. This teen stuff is rough... and here i start it all over again with boys this time... *makes scared face*

Heh. Shouldn't be too rough on you... Last I recalled there was still a bit of teen spirit in ya Beloved

lol probly why i am pregnant... lmao

You people need Dr. Phil.

fuck... why wish THAT demon on anyone...

i think that a divorce can never have perfect timing. i know that i couldn't wait for my mom's divorce to be finalized because i hate my formerly abusive dad. in your situation it seems that she is angry becayse she loves both of you so much that it hurts her to see you seperated(hopefully i'm on the right track). you shouldn't blame yourself for her anger about your split, this is something that needed to be your decision, not hers. i'm glad that the relationship is improving between you and your daughter. i'm 16 and know what its like to want to break away but i love my mom to much to hurt her like that. its just a phase and will eventually pass. don't worry, it'll all work out in the end.

Damn, forgot you were pregnant too!!!!

Hope the new ones are ok, and the elder is dealing well..