I don't know if this belongs to here. Once there was a special corner for stuff like this but it's not here anymore...

I am not a goth. I am something else..don't know what. But i'm crossing your ways many times and live in a similar world. I think you would call me a freak or something like that.

My girlfriend is a goth. And my story is about her:

Really..she is the love of my life. A face like an angel, black hair like darkest shadows, white skin like snow. She is my precious and for her i would walk through the far reaches of hell. She is like a queen of ice and fire. Cruel and cold in rage, but warm and beautiful in friendship and love.

One day i noticed a pain inside her. Disgusting and mighty. She suddenly went away from me, felt into heavy depressions.
I found out that she has been raped and many other things happened to her. Finally she left me. Her inner pressure was too big.
She said it was not my fault. She is not able to lead a relationship this time. Needs time for herself. And she does'tnt want to hurt me.

Today i feel sick and twisted. Not only because i lost her. The imagination of her bad happenings make me running wild. I am turning into something weird. Agressive, depressive..dead. I wish i could help her, but she is gone.

What would you do now? What do you think about it?

You will find that most Goths deny that they are Goth

Do you think I am a goth?

kinda.

now to your problem. I went through the same thing as her, se's going to need some time alnoe yes, but make sure she knows she can allwasy turn to you for a shoulder to cry on and such and also don't try to go back into the relationship too soon, chances are she's still having nightmears about it like I am, not that easy a thing to forget. sorry I cant be anymore helpful.

I don't want to push her in any way. I want her to be allright one day. I know that it will take a long time, and she said that this doesn't has to be the end forever. We still keep contact. I just feel so..so.. ..I wish i could turn back time and take the pain away from her. I cant uderstand that people can be monsters like that. If i could i would root them out.

But thank you.. every good opinion gives me hope.

I understand what your girlfriend is going through.
Is there anyway you can get in touch with her.. just be there. Be a friend if she needs it? Rape is difficult to deal with, and we end up taking out our guilt and fears on those we love most..esp. the men in our lives.

it isn't you. The only problem she has with you, is the fact that you are a man. This is not meant to be cruel.. I know what it is like to live with the feeling of being worthless and dirty because you "enticed" a man. I am sure she didn't, but that is the guilt we carry.

The pain and horror inside us, makes it difficult to deal with a healthy relationship. There really is no way you can fix this. It is something she has to deal with and work past. But if she lets you, you can be the friend she needs, the one she can turn to, when everyone else feels wrong. Don't push for a relationship. She won't be able to deal with it.

I have lived with the nightmares and guilt for 20 yrs. It is only now, that I am beginning to feel like a real person again. Some take less time to heal, others take longer... I hope she allows you to be her friend..it is obvious she means the world to you.

Joe, feel free to PM me if you want to talk..I also have Yahoo, aol, and msn IM's....

Luck to you...
Snapps

Thank you snapps. No i don't want to push her in any way. I know that i can only try to help when she asks for it. and indeed she allows me to be her friend. We still phone nearly everyday. She likes me a lot and does'nt want to loose contact. And of course i accept her reasons to leave me. She even said that this does'nt have to be the end. may be one day we can start again. May be..when the world is allright with her again. But no one knows when this will be. Yes..she IS the world for me.

I just feel so helpless. It's so sad and ugly that such a thing happened to her. i really wish i could turn back time and make all these things undone... but i am only human.

wait for her dude...........she sounds plenty worth it, the way you feel for her and all......just be there for her until she is ready for you.........and follow snapps advice, its good

it's not turning back time that will help. It is accepting that it has happened. being there, not walking away, not pushing her to be a sexual partner... these things will mean more to her than you trying to make things better. The fact that you find her a worthy person, is something she will find difficult to understand right now... How long ago was she raped? Do you know? If she has lived with this feeling for more than 2 months, it is something that will be hard to get around. 2 months is not a long period of time... but it is an eternity to someone who keeps trying to figure out what they did, so they don't do it again.
Was her attacker caught? Or was it someone she knew?

Yes she knew him. He made her drunk on a party until she was decenceless. I don't know if he was caught. And i don't know who he is. It's half a year ago. She tried to forget it but in the end it came back much worser than before.

pushing it away, forcing it inward, makes it worse...
psych's help, but only if you have one that truly understands

Mmmh.. yes. I adviced her to look for one. She also had other psychic problems before: borderline syndrome, anorexia.. She really has to stand a lot

Double thread.... merged... if you want me to delete any double posts PM me and i will... try to keep from making double threads please.... thanks

Oh sorry, when i entered this site i did'nt find this corner here. So i posted this thread firsf in the gothic-corner. Yes please delete the first thread. Sorry anyway..

No need to apologize...

sorry Dyshade..didn't realise there were 2...

anyway... It is going to be hard.. on both of you. especially when it comes to touching and affection. She will question ever sign of affection, because she doubts herself... and you will want to show her how much you care, and have to hold back..I know this isn't any help, but it let's you know what is ahead... You really care about her. That is obvious, especially since this is tearing you apart. Hang in there.... Knowing you aren't walking away will help her. I know I wish I had someone back then..
that accepted what happened, didn't judge...
unfortunately, my boyfriend and 2 of his buddies were the rapists...
she is a lucky woman to have you by her side. Be ready for her to open up... she will pour it out to you when she is ready...

I'm sorry for you... i wish things like that would'nt happen. But they do. Everyday, in every single minute. It's sick.

I know that it won't be easy for me and her. but i'm ready to take it. Sometimes love is stronger than everything. And sometimes love means to let someone go...

and sometimes that letting go, is what keeps you together.

I am past being sorry that it happened... My rage is gone...
can she write? I found words helped me come to terms with my self.. as art does others....

it is going to be tough... but I admire the fact you are willing to stand by her side, be a friend...many men would wa;lk away..

go to the therapist with her if she is willing,you guys should be friends for a while.
~*Amy