I'd like to ask for some advice here. I'm in love with Chaos Creator but it seems financially impossible for us to be together any time in the near future without my moving myself and my daughter back to my parent's house. Their house is not a wonderful environment for my child (my mom has 16 indoor cats) and I really dislike living there, but I'm welcome back any time as far as my parents are concerned.
Is it selfish to even be considering NOT going back there, and continuing to live with my current boyfriend? Or is it looking after the best interest of my child to stay here until such a time as I can get out on my own?

No comment on the reason of being biased.

Two questions - How old is your daughter, and is she allergic to the cats?

I only ask because at one point(I think I was about five)we had around a dozen cats(I don't know why, I think they kept adopting my mother...). As long as the place is kept clean it doesn't really have to be a problem. If she's allergic or asthmatic then it becomes an issue, but otherwise not really.

What is going to affect her is if you're constantly unhappy...obviously I don't know the details of your situation, but if you really don't want to be where you are, she's bound to pick up on it. And if she's old enough to realise what's wrong it'll be even worse.

Is it better for you to be with your parents for a while and know that it's only temporary, or stay where you are and risk falling into a pattern of unhappiness that's harder to break the more habitual it becomes and with no idea when circumstances may change?

You have to live with the decision you make, so nobody else can decide for you, but I wish you luck whatever choice you make.

My daughter is 9 months old. So far I haven't noticed an allergy to the cats, but she has been scratched a couple of times while visiting her grandmother, and mom thinks it's no big deal. Also, I happen to be allergic - and so is my mom, go figure....

I'm not sure if a nine month old can pick up on a constantly unhappy mother, but if she can already then it's too late even now. I've not been happy for a long time, considering the fact that I am going through a dirty, bitter divorce with an abusive husband.

And this part is definately selfish, but it must be said - When I live with my mom I am gone to work all day, so childcare is much, much cheaper - but then my daughter tends to start preferring my mother over me. She spoils her to death anyway, but when I work and never see her it makes me nuts. Another problem without solution.

If it's just an odd scratch, it's probably not that bad...we've all had run ins with family pets. Worst scratches I've seen were when one of my brothers fell into a rose bush...I think he was about a year or eighteen months old. As long as there's someone around to make a fuss, small children are extremely resilient when it comes to these things...

If you did move back in with your parents, would it be a long-term thing? Or are you just looking to save some money so you can get your own place?(Presumably with Chaos) If the latter, how would you cope financially? Would you still have to leave your daughter with your parents during the day?

I assume working from home isn't an option, but would part-time be feasible? Again, I have no idea what kind of work you're qualified for, but if there's anything available that pays extra for unsociable hours then working while your daughter's(hopefully)asleep might be worth considering...

Sorry to sound like the Inquisition, it's obviously not something you're taking lightly, but you need to be clear exactly what the options are, so you don't end up trading a bad situation for a worse one.

Oh, and good grandparents are notorious for spoiling grandchildren, especially if she's the first...nature of the beast, I'm afraid.

Yes, she is the first grandchild on both sides. She wasn't severely hurt with the cat-thing but I just didn't like that she let it happen in the first place. I mean, just how long does she keep a 9 month old baby out of sight? Ya know?
And yeah, I'd hope to move out ASAP after finding a job, if I were to go back to my parent's house. But we live in a TINY town and there's no way I could get a job closer than 40 miles from my parents house. So if I moved to the town my job was in, I would have to find a daycare. They're outrageously expensive, not to mention a bunch of strangers....
I'd hope to move in with Chaos, but hell I don't know if he wants to do that kinda thing... I don't know. The guy I live with now is supporting the baby and I, and I'm about to start working part time. But I hate living here with him. It's gone from tolerating him to active contempt. He makes me ill when he gets near me...

OK...you need to speak to Chaos.

If he wants the two of you to live together and help look after your daughter, then you could look at maybe working different hours to him. You wouldn't get as much time together as you might like, but something has to give...and I'm assuming from what you wrote that you actually want to live with him...if you're looking at sharing your life with him, you really need to find out what he feels about everything, and what he's prepared to do.

If he's not, then you need to look at what other options you have. I don't in all honesty think you can stay where you are...you may not like the idea of going back to your parents, but staying with someone who makes you sick is not going to do you any good. A habit of bad relationships is a difficult one to break, but you owe it to yourself...if you feel like this now, I can only see it getting worse. If you end up depressed to the point where you can't take care of yourself or your daughter...

The whole thing with the cats...I know she's only a baby, I know you would do anything rather than see her hurt, but seriously, these things do happen...it only takes a minute. You could step into the next room, or turn to answer the phone...cats and children are both curious creatures, they will try and investigate one another, babies can be rough and cats can be...less than impressed with what they see, or with having their tail pulled...you know the circumstances, but in itself what you've said isn't a reason...I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you really don't want to go back there and you're actually looking for reasons not to. I think this probably has more to do with it...If that's out of line, then I'm sorry - that's just the way it reads to me. If it helps any, I don't think you're wrong to feel that way...she's your daughter after all.

Right now you really need to speak to Chaos. As it stands, you're trying to make a really important decision without having all the information you need, and that's never a good idea.

back and forth, back and forth! I'm living HERE now because I wanted to get away from my parent's house..... now get away from here and go back... this is silly.
I give up.

And you've realised it was a mistake? We all make them. How much have you lost if you do go back? How much will you lose if you stay?

Please don't mistake me...I don't know you, I wouldn't dream of trying to force a decision on you...I just don't think anyone can stay with someone they feel nothing but contempt for and it not damage them.

It's going to look really wonderful in divorce court, too, when I still live with mommy and daddy.
*sigh*
I don't know.

Yes, it's going to look like you have your family's support. That means so does your daughter, which means she'll be safe with you...it's all according to how you look at it.

Yeah... Especially since Matt still lives in his fuckin' truck...

OK - you're both here, you need to do the talking...this is where I step out of it.

For what it's worth best wishes and take care....

no, he lives at waylons.
hey, pm me the # to D1

What? The front desk?

yeah

K.

Have you called 'em yet?

No, honey, I've been talking to you.

Well, dammit. Call 'em.