Well I have a problem, but then don't we all. My father is ill.... terminally ill. He has a brain tumor, among other problems. Over the past few years I have watched him deal with the pain that this has caused him, and it seemed that he was atleast at a stalemate with it. However recently it seems that he has taken a turn for the worse. He was recently able to get all of his meds, now that the state has said it will help, but I fear that it maybe too little too late. I have spent the past 5 years trying to prepare for this time, but I now find that I don't think that I can. Along with having to watch my father suffer and deterriorate, I also have the responsibility for the the emotional crutch for my younger siblings when the find out what is going on with him, and ultimately, when he passes, and I don't know if I can handle it. It pains me to see him the way he is now, not being able to do anything about it. He often speaks of suicide, just to end the pain that he suffers, and I find myself unable to say "No don't do that". I don't want to see him in such pain, yet I do not want him to die, even though death would be a release from his pain. Sometimes I wish I were oblivious to what was going on with him, but then I maybe worse off than I am now. I don't know..... I am at a loss for what to do. I have dealt with the loss of members of my extended family.... but this is the first time I have to deal with the death of someone who is very close and important to me..... one of the few people in my life who wouldn't let me quit, who would give up on me, and in the end, I cannot repay him, only watch him die.

I'm sorry to hear that, I can't imagine what it's like.

He obviously had dreams of a better future for you if he never let you quit or gave up on you. Perhaps you can repay him by not quitting or giving up on yourself, and making sure his dreams for you come true.

I'm sorry.

You have to think about him, and making his passing easier. The person doing the dying needs to know that life will continue, and that mouring won't be so great as to sweep the family away.

It sucks, I know it does, but the years pass and things get a little easier. You begin to get 'time off', as opposed to now, where every moment of every day has a shadow. First of all you just forget for a few minutes, you get distracted, but later as things soften you can look back fondly and not just see the memories tinged with illness and pain.



It's good that you have to be strong for someone else, it gives you a focus, a purpose. It's important to attend to your own feelings, but helping others will mkae it easier for you too, instead of just drowning in your own pain.

As he gets worse he will probably be admitted and morphone will take the panicky-anguish away, and his slipping away might well be more peaceful than you imagine.

You will cope, we all do. We have to.
Children are supposed to lose their parents, it's the natural order of things. Your father would rather it was this way, and not the situation reversed.

You might find it helps to look for support.
I know it helps me to talk to others who've lost their parents, especially when other people are looking to you for support.

It appears that you are doing every thing that you can to deal with the situation. Many people would envy the strength that your father has instilled in you.
As for after he passes... There are very few words that one can say, or type, that can help.
But may i offer these in hopes that they might lessen the pain a bit:
Remember not the end days, for they are what he didn't want you to see. Remember instead the earlier days of youth that gave you joy and happiness together. remember the times that you have left in the corners of your mind. The first toss of a ball, the fisrt bike, the first time you beat him at a game(and now that you think upon it, did he let you win?), The fond memories of laughter, of learning, of love. Remember those days that you might keep him with you ever in good light. So that he might never be forgotten.

I'm sorry.

I haven't had such a thing happen to me and damn glad. But I've had very close friends have to deal with it.. (one of them of which's mother died of cancer, another more abrupt) and at first htey were a wreck but... as time went on they became a lot better and stronger. And I'm sure it will hurt...a lot.. and I can't imagine that pain but as cliche as it sounds, although there isn't a replacement for life... there's always those happy memories you have of the loved one that will stay... and I've seen that last bit alone drive my friends to smile and laugh despite the sorrow that such a thing inflicts. I also believe that having a son who cares that much about his father and it seems as though you take much responsibility for his care... is something any father would be proud of and be glad to have. Although you may not feel as though you've repayed him.. Maybe you have just by being a caring son.