I am getting old (18) this month and have realized one great weaknes I have. My will is not strong enough. 2002 I have manage to reduce my weight from 95,5Kg to 85Kg and it was easy but thanks to some problems Bad makrs and dead of my dog I have lost the WAY again. Know I do balance between dark and light side of my nature and I am afraid that I will fall too deep to return. I have try to take a rest realy long rest but it is just more bad. So I come hear again after more than half of year. Hear where I fell in love when I had thought that love doesn't exist. I am sorry for my bad english. Please help me with any advice you have for me. Thanks

wear amethyst and hematite...it helps me out.

When seeking balance, which seems to be what you want, your weight is generally not the best of anchors... Suggest you try a more logical approach then your current ambiguous approach to tackling your problem. A different approach can lead to simple and revelating conclusions...

I may be wrong, but it seems to me that you "use" your weight to control your life, as in when you are able to control and manipulate your weight you feel you have control over your life. You seem to equate fluctuating weight with chaos in your life, therefore you weight becomes subjective to your emotional states. So the moment there's an emotional issue in your life your weight literally "carries the weight of your problems". It's about control and manipulation, and the associations your mind has made to weight and imbalance in your life. You will have to re-program your thought processes, which of course will not be easy. First and foremost, I would recommend seeking professional help if that is at all possible. A holistic healer/therapist would be ideal. Secondly, I have no idea what your height is, but that amount does not seem "out of control". The first thing, and this is just my opinion, is that you should realize you have an eating disorder. If weight becomes an issue of manipulation and susceptible to your emotional states and then you judge your state of mind/happiness/success by your weight you have an eating disorder. And these usually stem from deep rooted issues, which is why I suggested getting professional help.
All I can say is, remember that you are in fact in control of your body, in the sense that you make it function. Don't become incapacitated through striving to control your weight, and try to remember.. Happiness is a state of Being, not a state of weight.

Thanks for rewriting what I was attempting to tell Lillibabe

I'm currently five foot eleven, and 130 pounds. I'm perfectly healthy, even though I am anorexically thin.

The most I ever weighed was after a three mounth long deployment to a third world country. Ironically, because the people were so poor, they're all forced to eat much healthier. Rice was the stable of their diet.

I came back to the States at 140 lbs. People noticed, but in a few weeks it all melted off.

The point I'm trying to make is, that although the mind is under intense stress, the body can be healthy. Just don't let things get to you.

Thanks for your replies, I will think about it and write hear again after a month or two. Finding hepl is quite difficult because all healers I do know are friends of my mom and I am afraid to pull her down by revieling my problem to public ( I will try to go out into forest and river I helps me to calm dowm and relax. Have a nice day and thank you again.

wait... what did you mean UNDERWORLD?