I was directed to this thread via AIM by one concerned Billy, and I totally understand why. I'm usually not one to give advice, nor am I one to bash the advice of others, but some of the shit I've read is downright frightening. There is *no* such thing as "overthinking" when it comes to this, and "going with the flow" is probably the worst advice I've ever read in this case. "Going with the flow" implies that the issue at hand isn't really a big deal, and anyone with a third of a brain knows that it is. Why? Because I guarantee you 99% of humanity's initial response to something like this would be "ew." It could expand to "Ew, but..." or "Ew... however...," but it's instinctive: herpes is a very unpleasant thing, and it never leaves ya. It may occasionally go on vacation, but it always leaves some of its friends around to house-sit while it's gone. It is a life-altering condition, and that cannot be refuted.

So, when I see people in this thread telling one of my best friends not to overthink something that can and will alter her quality of life - whether she stays with him or not - I want to line all those people up against a wall, take a nine iron, and turn their groins to pudding. That shit makes me livid. I 10000% understand how difficult it is, particularly since emotion is the most powerful thing we have, but acting purely on emotion is the dumbest thing you can do in pretty much any scenario. That's how murders tend to happen, for Christ's sake. The human brain should play some kind of role in any decision; I've learned this the hard way, and I know every one of you fuckers have too. Also, bear in mind that she's 20; I doubt she's at the point where she's thinking about settling down and joining a sewing circle. Not yet.

*switches to second-person*

I don't care about the age or anything, because you are one maturrre lady. You actually seem more mature than he does, from what you've told me So, that doesn't affect my assessment of anything. THIS, my friend, is my official, unblemished advice: if you are 100% sure that you are going to stay with this dude for the rest of your life, and if you love him enough to see yourself doing all the things you wanna do with him in the picture, then go for it. However, since I know for a fact that you can't say that, you should get out. It's so not worth it, and I'm pretty goddamn concerned.

Of course, you're the one who has to decide, not me. I'm just like one of those motivational speaker-types. Matt Foley, if you will. I just want you to be able to exist as comfortably as possible, and were you to go the way of Jobe's lil' recommendation, for instance, I think you might run into problems in many areas of your life. If I just "went with the flow," I guarantee you I'd have been dead years ago.

i double posted by mistake, since this site is all slow and whorish.

Aww Billy, I love your concern. That's so cute

Thanks Ryan. I need some affirmation on that. I really don't think I could possibly prepare myself for that. And be "okay" with that. I got a lot more left of my life to "suffer" from the disease than he does/will. I wont lie when I say I'm curious to see what else he brings to the table, but I don't think I can deal with that kind of risk. It's not like jumping out of a plane. If I were 10 years older and this guy was around and I was looking for something serious, I'd probably put a little more consideration into it but I can't do that to myself. I am going to feel so bad when I tell him this. bummer. I hope we can be friends?:-\

The thing is I'm not looking at it from an angle of just sex.

My go with the flow concerns the overall 'relationship', be it friends or lovers (though at least if she decides the latter she now has knowledge enough to take the proper precautions).

I was simply telling to follow her own feelings regardless of what others think and make choices on how things will affect her and this guy. There's nothing wrong with going with the flow if it's going to a place where she's ultimately happy, be it either with this guy or not.

That's why I had this on the bottom of my post:

Juet because I'm curious--- what's the decision, and why?

I told him I don't want anything serious and that's exactly where this was heading. I told him we need to be just friends. When I tell him this, it's partly because I really don't want to admit outright that although he's great, he's got herpes and I can't cope with that. The state itselt is not untrue. I really don't want to be buckled in at this point in my life. I have a lot of poor decisions to make still! And I reiterated that I don't think I can ever be alright with being with someone who could give me genital herpes for the remainder of my life. So I guess I tried to squelch any hopes he might still have. Although, I think this guy will hang on for a while--and that might make it hard because I really do like him a lot.

I'm just afraid I won't find anyone great ever again.

I'm a catch, damnit. I can hold out for a looker who can fuck me all night, talk my ear off and treat me like a princess even though I'm clearly not a princess. A girl can dream, right?

Hang in there, you never know when a prince might turn up.
There really are a lot of great guys out there, who may not be perfect, but are "good enough" just as we are.

When you find him, ask him if he has a sister for me

Jobe, I wouldn't have guessed you wanted to be a princess.

It would be nice for someone to treat me nice for a change and run around after me rather that it being me doing all the nice stuff...

Stop doing nice stuff.

check the link in my sig.

Wait a minute...

A guy opens up to you, is completely honest about avery sensitive subject and this is your reaction?
He trusts you enough to tell you before rather than after.
He probably knows full well that it might push you away but he feels that it's more important that he's honest with you.

As for the terrible Herpes!!

Jesus people, it's a simple fungal infection, it's just a cold sore on his knob!

Lets put this directly in perspective here.
If the guy came out and revealed that in the past he has had a cold sore on his lip would your reaction be the same?
If he did and he kissed you in the happy place you'd get genital herpes.

Wow what a load of horseshit. Herpes = a cold sore? How many cold sores do you have that last for life and can be given to other people (for life) even if youre not having an outbreak? You obviously know nothing aobut herpes and dont know anyone who suffers from it.

Hey Billy, long time no see
Sorry off-topic, angry face back on.

All cold sores last for life...
Cold sores are Herpes...

Did you not have sex education in school?

Herpes

No, moron. Theyre not the same. Thats like comparing a broken leg to cutting off you leg, and having some bizzarre virus that makes other peoples legs fall off. Did YOU have sex education? Or do you buy into the fucking nonsense that its ok to risk your well being and get HIV and Herpes and all sorts of shit for some idiotic reason?

Not what I said at all.

And people with HIV have been having safe sex for a pretty long time now, they can even have uninfected children now you know....

If people are ridiculed and exorcised like this for being open and honest in the US then the current state of US politics all makes perfect sense.

I feel sorry for you all, I really do.

Ahh right youre one of those eurotrash dumbfucks... dont you have conservatives to kill and backwards culture to enforce to your own societys detriment?