Someone who does that worries me. I was with a girl who did the same, the relationship ended, and not more than a week later I heard she had sex with a friend of mine. I've since reconciled with that friend, but cannot understand how she went from loving someone..to casual sex w/ someone else within a weeks time. I fear she'll become pregnant, and be nowhere near ready to care for the child.. emotionally or financially.

*that's why stability is a big thing with me.

yeah, well.... I was probably a real bastard, so I can't blame her or take a guess or whathave you.

exactly! I've been in a few situations where the "deep" conversations were mediocre at best. That a must in a relationship, being able to convey your feelings properly and have those meaningful conversations.

I won't lie either, I got piss drunk knowing that she was completely against alcohol. she came by my place and saw me all sloppy w/ my friends. In my small defense, I didn't know she was that serious about it.. i probally wouldn't have done that had i known the extent of the consequences.

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(note: this instance of ellipse are for the sake of visualizing thought and has no bearing on the content of previous posts other than that the previous posts are being thought upon)

new thought: these conversations would go better with beer... and strippers.

Originally posted by errantrogue:
One reason could be because people seem to usually like to have clear delineations to both be on the same page about what is going on between them.

And unfortunately, I think that the whole two-sided issue of females being raised to look for commitments and more and males being told (by friends, media, whoever) to "get all they can" and the hell with the rest is at least partially true.
[Note: Of course the reverse could also be true, so I am not condemning ALL guys. On the contrary; there are several really great guys I know who take the opposite view of what I had stated above, and the same for some girls I know. I am strictly speaking in a general sense in what I'd stated earlier.]

I also think people are more worried about how a relationship is quote/unquote "supposed to be" and "supposed to be about" that they don't really examine the quality of what really exists there and just go on society's/other people's standards of what needs to at least look like it's present.

I just feel in the general population's eyes, the whole commitment thing is about rules. Not just agreements. Rules. If we follow these "rules", everything is supposed to work. I think that is at least one reason people are big on commitment.

Another is that we all have that fear of being abandoned someplace inside, whether it's big in some of us or microscopic in others; it's still a form of rejection, which ties in with our self-worth concept somehow. I think it's falsely thought that the more "committed" the relationship, the less of a chance that person has of being rejected or left. In this case I think the person is looking less for a peer relationship and more for that of the omnipresence and unconditional love of a parent.
(Yes, we do look for that still in some way even after we are "grow up" and we always probably will to some degree whether we realize it or not but it's a problem when it's the main bulk of the needs in the relationship.)

Another one would be the financial advantages and such that sometimes come with being married, for example. It seems "safer" to be part of something larger. There is a good side and a bad side to this. A tight intimate relationship is very testing to the self, and also gets inside to settle some of that old "junk" we carry around. That is a good thing. The bad part is becoming too dependent upon it for identity and sustenance to the point where you lose your identity and personal power in it. This last part is something that I am afraid of right at this point in my life when it would come to another person.

deep... beer?

Vodka, thanks.

i'm more of a tequila man myself... had some great Corazon saturday.

agreed.

"I'm gonna build my own amusement park... with blackjack and hookers. In fact, screw the park."

Ahh, Bender always has the best ideas.

The fact that Work has no strippers at this very moment saddens me to no end. Especially since I need thoughtless, empty sex to cope with the fact that I haven't had thoughtful, meaningful sex in quite some time.

...or ever.

B&F, I like what you say. Marry me.

...

I had typed up some stuff, but then my brain had a lapse and I deleted it all. haha. uhm. Make art not love!...

This is slightly offtopic, but I think that's bang on (no pun intended) correct. I've only had meaningful sex before, as in, I've only slept with people I have loved. Presently, I have gone through recent realizations that I feel that I need meaningless sex to understand what that kind of sex is all about. And it's sad that it's so dehabilitating to my conscious mind.

Well the way you seem to be sayig is that you keep meeting the same people, i had a time like that awhile back, here is something to try, stay away from dating for awhile i mean give it a summer or something but you sence is just worn out from all the thigns that have come into your life that has originated off of dating.

subscribe to her newsletter first...

Having fostered a fear of being alone, I often jumped into patently bad relationships. After the relationship soured, I adopted a fear of commiting myself to another. However, still bearing the fear of being alone, I would find myself back into another bad relationship. And so on, ad infinitum.

and that is why i have stayed out of relationships for three and a half years now...


well, that and my kid.. LOL