My evil ex husband called last night to invite me to a party next weekend.... And he wants to come over this evening. He is so bad for me and he knows it. Grrr
The only person on the planet who I've ever let have any control over me at all and he completely abuses it. How can I tell him no?

dont open the door.... dont answer him... dont go to the party...

just cut him out of your life...

easily said.

Of course it is easier said than done, but when it comes to emotional stuff no one says it's going to be easy. You are aware of the manipulation, you are aware of the fact that he abuses this knowledge. Therefore you are empowered, all you need to do is rely on your inner resources and absolute rationale. Do you want to go through the same patterns? Naturally there is a reason you got divorced, you are not in the dark about any of this, the negative aspects are not unknown to you. And once you've managed to say "No" the first time you will be amazed at how easy it was. You don't HAVE to go to the party with him, you don't HAVE to let him come over.
Be honest with yourself and with him; tell him that you do not think it is a good idea for you two to be going out together, and until you decide otherwise it's also not a good idea for him to come over. If he's persistent and tries to manipulate you with smooth talk, call him on it! Say something like; I see what you're doing and I'm not falling for it. I've made my decision and I'll appreciate it if you can respect that. Have a fabulous time at the party and speak to you soon.... Then put down the phone!

nah, he wouldn't try the smooth talk thing. he doesn't really want me and he wouldn't care if I didn't want to go or even if I never wanted to speak to him again. I don't think he even really wants to have sex with me or ANYTHING. He's just fucking with me. Because he can.

Then don't give him the opportunity. Don't let him come over, and don't go to the party with him.

yeah, what she said...

that's the plan.... but I keep thinking things will change keep making excuses for him and thinking there must be some cosmic reason why we married, like ultimately we'll be together again someday years from now.

Definately should not go.

what am i, speaking in tongues?

I'm sorry, did you say something?

If you're "rolling your eyes" at your own comment then you very well know you're talking shit. Sorry, there is no other way than to be blunt about it. Cosmic reason it may have been, at the time, the marriage and the experience has served its purpose, hence why you are divorced. Instead of closing your life off to new experiences by hanging onto the old yet familiar, let go, be brave and know that you will find someone again. Just don't, please, fall victim to habitual abusive relationships. It's easy to let that happen without being aware of it. There is a reason you are attracted to someone who emotionally manipulates you. You need to go within and get your own strength and power and I can assure you, you will not fall victim to such a man again.

You know this doesn't benefit you, so why do it?


It's akin to eating something that's gone off, you know it will make you sick, so why eat it?

*Note, "abusive" is not only in the physical sense, emotional manipulation is also a form of an abusive relationship.