im just a small boy playing big boy games in the military. im a young, in-experienced, 2yr vetern of the navy and i can tell you... ive thought about suicde, tried it, and failed miserably. i dont know why i even created this thread except i thought people might look and understand. so here i go on my ramble:

im a depressed because i am what i am
im homeless because im with everyone that seems to care but shows no true affection and yells at me,
people say they want to help but do they?
i help people with their problems and they get happy, others try to help me with mine but they cant understand.
they say psychiatrists are great listeners and help people. i say they just doodle and pretend they are your friend and try to make money off of your @$$.
eveyone says talking helps. BS. talking doesn't help it just lets people know that youre losing it.
another note on talking: the more i talk, the more people help, the more lost, confused, isolated i get.
when im alone i talk to myself, argue, and get spooked for no reason.

Society:
i blame myself and i blame others. does that make me antisocial?
i blame myself for others failures because of my in-ability to help them succeed more.
when im sad why doesn't anyone listen?
when im alone and sad why doesn't anyone care?
when im alone, sad, and mad at the world why doesn't anybody just leave me alone.
i work so hard at some things and fail miserably, yet others slack off and succeed wonderfully. W.t.F?

Family:
my dad beats me. my dad hates me. my dad molested me, . my dad is just wierd. my dad is chooses to be responible for me?, but eveyone else thinks he is cool.?
my mom smacks me, my mom yells at me, my mom looks at me like im a mistake, my mom raped me, my mom tells me she loves me? but eveyone else thinks my mom is hot.
my brother thinks im on drugs, my brother calls the cops on me for his troubles, my brother picks on me w/out mercy, my brother takes my girlfriends, my brother looks out for me? but everyone thinks my brother is king of society?
my sister screams at me. my sister smacks me, my sister takes my things she thinks i bought with $ she thinks i stole, my sister throws things at me when i beat her bf for not taking care of her, my sister narks on me or makes up stories even if they arent' true. my sister looks up/down to/on for me? but eveyone thinks my sister is saint mar?

Looking over a 7story building's ledge
what the hell is goin on? what the heck can be done? where am i going? who am i? who shall help me? who can know me? why cant anybody see me? why cant anyone hear me? why is eveyone so stupid? why is everyone so messed up yet no ones knows? am i to blame? am i the problem? what shall i do? some one.... help.... *falls*

I would say try not to think so much. It fucks with your brain.

that or go for it... do what makes you happy.

Cool to see some military represent, I was 6 years of army.
I dont know how the navy operates or even whos navy your in but I think a chaplain or some military shrinks could be available, I understand you are being very general in your thread and addressing all the thoughts that might lead one to suicide. I have had these thoughts to but thats all they are thoughts and as long as they stay that way your ok. I have had to deal with suicide in a military setting, a guy in our company killed himself, and I can tell you it has a huge ripple effect, I imagine even more so on the close quarters of a ship. I told my guys that if you feel this way get help and also take pride and to certain extent an identity in what you are here for . You are a proud member of your nations armed forces, you get to do a job unlike any other and in a certain way above the general population. So take pride in what you do, remember the traditions of your navy and all the seamen who have gone before you, and faced similar or far worse problems ( no one is TRYING to kill you!) and focus on your duties and routines and above all seek help and hey Im always available to chat, hope that help brother

Oh yeah can we get a ball gag or something for errantrouge, just kiddin

i dont play that way... handcuffs maybe, for a special gal...

I can provide those if you want..

Oh...and DarkLameth..it's not worth it. Use the dreams.

id relate to you my whole "sob" story of my life but it makes me sick listening to myself as well. *shrugs* anyway thats not why i made this thread. i wanted to hear other peoples opinions on suicide, and if anyone besides me has a story on 'a moment of weakness' (as some people call them) i would like to hear about it...

Suicide is wrong, there is other ways out then killing yourself. Besides, who says after you die, life is going to magically get better?

Well here's my "sob" story. I try not to use names, because I wish to forget them, so please bare with me.
Back 4 years ago, there was this boy who lived down the street from me. He was never nice to me, never kind to me, but cared a little *too* much about me. Too much to the point where he felt he needed to cause pain on me, and ones I loved. Before I knew he cared about me, he set it up so I'd meet his best friend. My heart just about melted the 1st time I met him, for I never had a boy friend. Everything seemed to be going great for the 1st 3 months of our relationship. However, the boy down the street was getting jealous. I guess he must have felt like it was his pay back time. For one night he came over to my house, I was home alone, and he took advantage of me, and delt damage to me, mentally and physically. I of course couldn't keep this from my boy friend, I was in for a mental break down if I didn't tell someone. His reaction was unbarable. He tried to commit suicide and walked out infront of a truck. He ruined his legs and was on cruches. It didn't get any better. I was trying to surive the rest of the school year, the end was near, by 2 months. The boy down the street seemed to enjoy the pain he had caused us, and he began to stalk me, 1st in school, then at home. Then mentally he began to minupulate us(my bf and I) both. He convinced my boy friend he couldn't save me, so my boy friend, tried to hang himself. His father saved him, and he was put into the hospital for 3 weeks. During that time, I began to hurt myself physically, causing pain to my body. The day before my boy friend returned, I tried to choke myself, and left a huge mark around my neck. My boy friend saw and left no time for me to explain, he walked away angry. That was the last time I ever saw him. He commited suicide by hanging himself later that day. That drove me insane. My closet friend decided it was time to find out what was wrong, I resisted the fact that anyone cared, and anyone wanted to help. I continued to inflict pain on myself. After a month of torturing myself, a friend in my gym class told me, if I didn't seek help, she'd seek it for me. And sure enough, I didn't, so she did. "Help" came, but didn't solve anything. At finally came in the form of a man wearing a badge. The police arrested the guy, and kicked his family out of their house, and the state. He was gone forever.
I got involved in the internet and chatting and I met Jay, I told him everything that was going on, and how I wanted to end my life, he convinced me other wise, and I was saved. Not only from the guy, the "help" my friend found for me, but myself too.

Welcome Pirate Girl, I hope you find what you need here on DF. Your story broke my heart, but im glad things are better now. Thats the trick isnt it things will always get better, in situation like that it is hard to see, but there ya go. I agre with your statement bout if you kill yourself it will not get magicaly better. So stay strong and hey we are always here. Peace

my thoughts on suicide have always been the same till i actually felt my self losing to depression. then it started to sound like a really good idea... happened quite alot in the short amount of life i have lived. and no matter what i say that i wont commit suicide i still feel drawn to it... always have... always will.... i just dont have the will left to fight. but i dont have the will to end my life either. im too weak to carry on. but im too cowardly to do the act as well. catch 20/20

DarkLameth-I wouldn't say you were cowardly, I'd say you have a strong desire to survive.

Suicide-I've thought of it-quuite alot.................when things get dark and vicious, it seems like a good way out. I've not really attempted it though. There was an incident with a bottle of pills..................my ex boyfriend threw them out the window before I could swallow any...............

I'm sorry your life has been so hard-your family is horrible. Do you have any kind of support group (friends, therapist) where you are now?

*chuckles* think my life has been hard... you should hear some of the other things that have happened... *shakes head grimacing* anyway. i dont have a support group. i have friends that say they will kill me if i kill myself. thats about it. they try to keep my mind occupied with stuff like games, learning japanese, books, roleplaying, just different little games. being in the military is stressfull enough. being a youn inexperiencedin life youth like me and being in it is killer. plus thats not adding to the fact that ive only been away from home for 2 yrs. 1st yr still in the states in florida and along gulf, to along eastern seabord area. and 2nd yr being over here in japan where i currently am stationed at. thats not including all the idiots that i work with. you name it we have em... crazy people, mostly stupid people, ignorant people types, bigots, 'cliches', fraternities.... military is more liek a frat house then anything else. there isn't any morals anymore. its: "Do whatever dont get caught and ifyoud do then have a good alibi and someone to back you up and get you out of trouble" anyway.. im done rambling

i really need to post a thread dedicated to the shite that i have gone through in my life...

But then no-one would post in advice... LOL

nah.. i would. im actually hoping people put up more advice threads. im actually enjoying giving advice to people. and helping them.

I don't need advice on my life in the past... Hindsight IS 20/20 ya know

More likely the online journals or bitch board(more likely)...

Aint that reason enough to live? to help others and in doing so help yourself? Also, think about if you were to end your life there is a good chance you could be re-incarnated as a Dung Beetle, imagine a life time of rolling a ball of shit around with your nose!!!!!

well sorry if i'm not much of a help. but i agree with Pirate Girl that suicide is not the answer. but i hate giving out the same kind of advise that everyone else has been giving to you. anyways you seem like a really cool and nice person. i don't know why bad stuff is happening to you. but bad stuff always happens to just about anybody. it doesn't matter if your a good kid or a bad kid.

man in a way i feel kind of selfish. i have problems that aren't even big problems. i just worry about things that are really dumb and pointless. there not as big as your problems. or like a drunk bum who walks the streets with a drug problem. i feel that i shouldn't even bother with the little problems that i have. or even bother with them at all. i don't feel i'm allowed to.

*shrugs* eh. ive learned to deal. being away from home kinda helps. but im still trying to see if anyone else has any stories to share. for those besides me so we can see we arent alone... sides. if i commited suicide i feel i just would get reincarnated as a child of someone i hate in this life. that.... would be hell.... especially if i joined the navy again. *screams and runs away*