i know that some of you out there might be saying why is he puttinga topic on the bourd about not crying. its not what it sounds like. you see i have discovered a new passion for pain, and by not crying i mean who dont feel this pain. its probably the only one i dont feel anymore. i stick taks, nails, wire and all through my skin. arms, legs, hands. i dont feel this and its such a rush to me. i love this feeling. but im affraid if i dont stop soon i might try something else. i know its starting to sound like i need to go to the advice section but you know what? i thought i would ask friends first. what do i do, can anyone help me?

well,im not sure what i can say to help,and i know i have no room to talk as i do stupid shit to myself,but if your sticking wires and shit through your skin,you may want to get some profesional help,please dont think im saying that to be a bitch,i just think that might be the best thing to do at this time
sorry,im a really shitty person for giving advise
hope everything goes ok for you

All I could say is that you should stop before you do something slightly irreversible, if you know what I mean. I go into the woods and break glass bottles sometimes. Not recently. But that used to help. And it was fun...

But yeah, Powder is right, no offense, but if you find it hard to stop, then get some help. I'm not trying to be a dick either, you seriously should. Be careful...

GUYS, i already have been seeing a profesional about this. he says i have to learn self control. i think he should just hook me up with some fucking pills so ill stop hookin myself up to the fucking guitar. in that way i so profoundly do everyday.

on another note: im not stalking you.
i only saw you 2wice yesterday. once at the library, and then on the track for all of 10 seconds i crossed the road.
im not going to stalk you. im not like that. i hate being called names. this fucking sucks. you made me promise before we even started going out that i would always talk to you and be there for you, but as soon as it happens you go fucking awal on me and start bitchin at me and megs, what kind of shit is that. get over yourself. you wanted out remember not me you, i let you go and when i finnaly become happy you fucking hang from my neck like a ball of iron and slam into my gut everytime i start to get happy. leave us the fuck alone. if i walk in the library and your there, next time ill fucking leave. if your walking off the tracks and im heading toward you ill turn around and walk up the fucking road.l besides within a week or 2 ill be out of the fucking place and you wont see me anymore in bridgeville. fuck.

hey finalword, thanks for the advice, you to powder, im in some shit and i cant get myself out of it. i need all the help i can get. i put a huge fucking nail in the other day. i aint showing where that was. so dont ask babe. dont call dan anymore when thats going on please. thats all i will say for now. i have blown off steam and thanks to who it matters.

peace to all is my power, but peace to me is my hex.

no matter what happens i'm always here for you with a sholder to cry on and hugs are always here i promise

MY Weekend of misery srats now. the day is friday and there is one week left. will i make it, i think not bans im already setting up my protective place. no one will ever find my body there, i recieved my dagger in the mail today. and my hell comes later. down by my spot i will stand alone, sit and cower in the dark shadows of the colorfull stream. my end is near, for who will be around to save me but her. in this case no one. i am all alone and i cant stand this anymore. im going to go do it now, got my dagger set up on the pent, my viles all around, from this i will set my chained spirit free, and if i choose not to then so be it, im tired of this place and there is no way out but this one.

if i go through with this, goodbye. to all.
friends
enemys
loves
hates.
goodbye to all. im gonna go try it now, right now. and if the girl next to me doesnt see this coming then she is totaly blind. (hi kells) i say silent.

don't scare us like that! we all care about us to much. as you should know by now i shit to defend myself, yes lie to myself.
we all care about you, tiffany was right, it would be selfish of you to take what is not yours.
i dont think you know just how much you mean to all of us...i have nothing more to say here, check up on my journal.........







please.....forgive those who dont deserve......i am sorry *eyes watering cnt type*

i'm one of thoughs people that don't cry... that is fucking crazy putting wire and all that shit on your body... i agree with powder... go and get some help... cause one day what if you do something wrong to your self with the wires... then actually you might kill your self...

to powder i don't think that you were being a bitch... i agree with your advice... don't think of your self as a bitch...

you scared the shit out of me i tryed calling you this weekend and nobody answered so i'll talk to you tonight
i love you

still i sit and await the day when all will care. hell no!
will i sit and await the day? fuck no!
will i await your coming? hell and fuck no!!!!!!!!

i see you are what you say you are but are you as much as you think.
i look into the eyes of many and i can only think.
i had it
i lost it
i find it again.
masochism to its fullest extent.
self this and self that is not a curse.
its a way to release from this fucked up world.
you sit you cry
you laugh you die, nothing can make it work
so why should i put up with this
its all just a joke.
all of it
all of you
making yourselfes laugh
putting on your shadowed faces to see me glare.
well fuck this and fuck that and fuck you shadow creatures.
i wish just once i could get the truth withought consiquenses.
i ruin this i will ruin that with words i didnt even say.
ill kill this and ill kill that with weapons all the same.
nothing to help nothing to hurt but with emotions 2 and 3
my consiounse telling me to do it already but the faces stay the same.
dont do this and dont do that
who are you to say
you cant look at me with straight faces let alone the same way.
shadowed and cloaked in y9our hellatious lies.
surrendered to the gods of the imortal overdose of all the pretty faces.
lyers
and lovers
and bitches all the same
try to tell me one real truth, and then i will really stay.
until that day my minds not clear, and it will not be till.
hell and torment enter my mind as my power lets loose.
energy flowing
aura rowing down the crimson path.
fuck you dorathy and the yellow brick road ill kill your dog to.
witches and wizards ill help thee the same in life as in death. for if im gone and if you care your mind will not stay sane.
my answers come not from your mouth you eyes or your tears.
they come from the heart the soul the power that lies underneath.
so once im gonbe give me some time to think of my mistake, and in this ryhm ill come up with 3 reasons to stay.
1. i love thee now and forever again
2. i have to much to do within the next few days
3. my reasons stay my own i dare not saya word.
cause in this reason lies the answers to all my secons lies.
my life my death my tears and my hell my heaven all in one. your the person that brings it all but names will not be shunned. carew no more for the name than that, ask me not who it is, for once word breaks out of this it WILL BE THE END.

worry not my friends if it is true i will not do this again, but my mind is allowed to think with the goddes's consent.
so ask me not why i say this, ask me not the name. ask me never to speak of this poem or all of these things.

i cant win.
its lik a never ending fucked up roalercoaster that falls apart halfway through and then when it hits the ground explodes just to make sure your really dead. sounds stupid yes but life is basically a personel joke. look he got his face rammed into a cement wall, hahahahahahaha.
anyway!?!?!

why doesnt anybody seem to care until caring is the last resort to savior. tell me that one. like recently with me. (dont get pissed just bitchin at the world) it seemed all was lost for me, up until the very last moment, then everybody comes out of the woodwork and proves to me that theres something there and that its not quite all gone, now tyhis goes with my other thought in another post, how come it seems people only help me, by helping themselves, not loose me. does that make sence? its like when they kick me in my balls with a pair of steeltoed leather boots with tacs they could give a fuck less after they walk away and leave me dying on the floor, but when i get up to walk/run away from it they are down my throught, up my ass, gribbing me around the waist. just get the fuck off me
christ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and even today, when it left me it was ok but when i got mad and didnt follow all the sudden i felt guilty for it, is that wrong or what. (once again just bitching at the world in general)
i love alot of things more less than than others, but theres this one thing i cant help but question its love for me, real? or just a way of keeping me around? i dont think ill ever know. because i m so fucking stupid and i care to much about shit that pops into my head. dont worry about me im naturally fucked up and like to bitch about this stuff because i cant open my mouth and say it myself to the person that needs to hear it.

i................................................... im just gonna shut the fuck up and go post something else before i fucking explode.

well now its official i let her go . thgis time for good probably. were gonna be friends and im gonna go in to mental isolation. well not enough time to bitch right now, gotto go with kurt and kells to the giant eagle. bye bye world. no im not goig to killmyself.