i am to lazy at the moment to find the other one... but i wanted to start off new and fresh... so i hope that this starts off ok...

i have no idea what to write down... i'm just sitting here listening to jewl... staring off into space... thinking what to write... what to say to everyone... that cares to share with my mind and feelings... i believe that it will slowly come to me...

i have been doing much better... so has my dad... i'm so glad that he is doing well... man i was in bad shape that week... cause if i lost my dad... then i would be gone next... slamming down beers left and right... i was worried at the time... didn't really want to talk to my brothers or mom about it... i keep everything pretty much to my self... i don't know why... no one has ever really taken the time to know me... but on the recovery... he did really well... they were making him walk... he didn't like the hospital food... i understand about that... i have been through operations... so when we took him home on friday he is eating very little... my mom is taking him to the gym... i remembered her telling me that tomorrow they are going to take out staples that are on both of his legs... stitches i can emagin... i had stitches pulled out of me... but not staples... my dad is a tough guy... he is a doctor... been working hard all of his life... i can't really explain the relatiionship that i have with him... i mean we talk very little... he has really bad hearing... so i have to shout at every 5 or 6 times...

he would do almost everything in the world for me... to keep me happy... always made sure that i always had something to eat and place to live in... i just mainly stay in my room alot... bang on the keybored and spend time on there... i huged my dad yesterday out of the clear blue... i never do things like that... i don't know what came over me... i guess so i saw him got out of his chair... looked over and smiled at me.. so i wanted to him...

shit i'm a little bit crying voer here... holds back the tears... i never cry... the reason why is because if its a small problem... then later on i'll feel really stupid... saying to my self why were you crying over this... i don' cry unless if it is for something really big... now the tears are completely gone... my throat just hurts is all...

maybe i'm not used to being affectionate or something... that is maybe why i'm acting this way to my dad... we hardley talk like i say... my mom i get along with her really well... i could talk to her about anything... there are some times in my life where she gets on my nerves... and i get on her nerves as well... but that always happens... no matter what shit goes on... like you had a fight with your mom or dad getting on each others nerves...

you know that deep down inside.. you might not even feel it... but you still love them anyways... that love is always going to continue... even when you get older and have your own kids some day... i didn't know that i was going to be an open book tonight...

P.S this goes out to my friend... you know who you are... thank for everything and for reading journal... as i have read yours...

night everyone

sorry about the typoes... its hard to write something... when you emotions going on at the same time...

my working days at wal-mart... well i have heard that i'll only be working there for 20 days... i'm all ready starting the count down... so i could get the FUCK OUT OF WAL-MART!! after i have completed my days... that is it i never have to be there again... after that i don't know what the heck i want to do... i just want to take a rest... then decide on the jobs that i want to get... i like the idea of working at a bar/clubs shit like that... since i'm always hyped up all the time and wild... i think it would be really neat for me...

*chuckles and giggles* at how my day at work today went... this morning i came in at 8:30... i was tired... so i walked over and did my music... when i was half way done with it... i just leaned over my shoping cart and rested my foot at the bottem... while my chin was resting on the palm of my hand... two people at work looked at me and laughed... so i had to get my back to finishing thoughs cds... i do two hole rows no one to help me... so i take my dear sweet all time... other wise what is the rush right... till i have my time at 30 in the after noon and go home...

i was so tired that i didn't care about how my actions at work were... like if someone just saw me standing around doing nothing... like how there was today... yell at me and send me home with out getting paid for it... i didn't care... you know how it is when you tired... you just don't give a fuck... all you care about is sleeping at the moment...


this one chick and i... we both were feeling the same way and sharing the same feelings... there was nothing to do... her and i were standing around talking for a bit... then we went are own ways... her and i were sleep walking through wal-mart... trying to make up are own work at the same time... even though it looked phoney at the time... there was really nothing to do at all...

i decided to get the duster and dust things... i dusted stuff like batteries, shelves, desk and counters hehehe man... but i'm just glad that i'm home... i get to rest...

but what is the point of showing up at work... if the people at work have nothing to do...

what do you people do... when you all get boring ass days like that?

To my dearest Shy,

How you feel about your parents is normal. I think we all go through that at times, I know I do. And I am happy that your father is doing better. It's hard at times to show emotion towards people, especailly parents, and do the whole "mushy hug stuff" but I am sure it's very nice when you show a little something like that to your father. I am sure he appreciates it. As for your job my friend. I notice that a lot of jobs are boring. But why not go play in the toy section? I mean sheesh...that's what I do! And I don't even work at Wally-World. Yes I do realize that sometimes there's not a whole lot you can do, but think about it this way....the government pays you money to stand around and stare at cd's all day. How much more do you want? Shit, it's easy money! It's probably better than being outside all day doing construction or something that involves a lot of physical labor. So just kick back and enjoy your last 20 days of work at Wally-World.

demon yeah you are right... i guess thoughs feeling are ok to have around your parents... thank you for saying that your happy about my father being ok... yeah i have never thaught of it that way about being at wally wolrd *giggles* heck i guess its better to stand around and get paid

i was extremely tired like you were yesterday... i guess you and i were sharing the sharing the same night... i was so tired and weak yesterday... so i went to be early... i'm still tired though... that is ok i only have two more working days... then i could have the weekends off...

hey your easy to talk to demon... thanks for everything... well i better get ready for wally world!!!! i hope i see cheavy chase down there and his family :p

take care beauty

man i CAN NOT FUCKING BELIEVE THIS!!!!!! i'm so fucking mad!!!!!!!!!!!

man why is my mom the way she fucking is!!??? man i just had a fucking fight with her today... i knew that we were going to yell at each other... it was going to be pretty ugly... when my mom and i fight... oh its no t a pretty fucking thing to see!!! were like two little devil bitches from hell... she who gots that poterican tempure... i just have my own tempure as well...

its all started when she picked me up from work... my dad was driving with us... cause he has been the fucking house and wants to get out... so my mom take him in the car... we rode to go and get gas and everything... i was siitting ther hungry... then she asked me what do you want to eat... i said i did not know... then she replies to me saying that i would fix you some taccoes... she then told me that i am going to rest for a while... when i rest i fix you some taccoes... then i saif fine no problem...

i was waiting paticently in my room... then guess what happens company comes over... its my brothers freidn name bobby and his wife... i didn't know they were here... so i thaught nothing of it right... i was laying down in bed watching the movie
"french kiss"

as i was waiting there... i happened to walk out to see why she was taking so long... as i was out there... i saw that there was company... so i said hello to bobby and his wife... my brother was sitting there to...

as they were there... i just went back to my room... wait for a couple of more minutes... then i did that... still she was out there talking away... i came out standing in the middle of the hall way... making jestures with my hands... she was sitting acting like i wasn't even there... so then i went back into my room... still i waited... then nothing... so i walked back out there again pissed off... but trying to act respectfull cause there was guest in are house... so i went into the kitchen and grabed my self a two bag of chips... ate them in my room... still pist off...

as they were leaving trying to make there way to the door... i came out there again... then she brings up another subject just to keep them there... she started to talk about melissa nd how she hated everything about my brother kenny... so i excused my self to look in the fridge... she said there was inchollades in there... i looked there was nothing there...

so as they had now finally left... my dad comes in my room... saying come on... mom needs you in the kitchen... so i walked out there pist... then i see her working on her vacume cleaner rolling up the cord and shit...

then she says something to me... you know what... you were being very rude... you expect me to go in the kitchen and cook you something while i have guest in there... my dad was there to... so then i said... well you said that you were going to fix me taccoes and i was waiting paticently... she said still i just can't get up to go fix you something... that would rude...


then i said yeah well you were in ther yapping your mouth away... you could of said excuse me i'm going out to go and do something i would be right back... as i said that she looked up at me and said that i was being rude after i said that...

as we went into the kitchen... then that is where her and i got really ugly with each other... i told her look you said you were going to cook me something.. . but them when we had guest come over... after that she turned around to look at me... she said you know what... for know on i'm not going to cook shit... so FUCK YOU!!!!

then i looked at her all pist off and saprized... then i said oh yeah well FUCK YOU TO!!!! then she said yeah that's right.. while she went over to the sink to wash her hands... i left the kitchen... nocked down the phone that was placed on the tv... as i went back to the room... my dad comes out... giving me a look... like it was your fault... well fuck him to... he should of died!!!!!!!!

fuck me to as well and everything about me!!!!!!! man i'm so fucking angry and don't know what i'm saying or doing...

Shy, don't ever wish someone's death. That isn't right. I understand that people piss you off, but think about it. No matter how bad your parents piss you off or treat you bad, they are still your family. Untill you get out and find Mr. right, that's the only family you got. *hug* Maybe you should try to do things with your mom...like help make dinner. I know it doesn't seem very fair getting off work then going to help cook, but I'm sure she'd appreciate it. And you only have one mom and one dad...so try to spend as much time with them as you can, cause one day, they won't be here and you will wish you had. *hug* Take care babe. I'll be back to read more soon.

i said some pretty terrible things... you are right...fuck i don't know what to say... i have been through alot today..... learned something about life... yet it has kind of changed me to in a way... man if i talked to you about what happened today... its going to be alot... i know you wouldn't mind... but if your are curious... i know that you are... i will tell you... but only if you wish to...

*curls up and waits for shy's day of life* I'm ready when you are!

i all read did... but not in this thread... man that was the most i have ever written... it was like as if i wrote a hole intire page...

*cuddles back*

wow so here i am... here you are... i'm not doing anything at the moment... just sitting here in the dark... my eyes are getting tired... the right side of my neck is soar... but it ok and it will pass... just like everything else does... i think that things are doing a little better... i can't really quite say that.... cause i'm not to sure... my family and i have resting all day... kevin in my parents room a sleep on the floor... he looked so cute... the first time i have ever seen him like that... he see's me a sleep all the time... but he likes to fuck with me *chuckles*

he would jump on top of me... hit me on the head with the news paper... just to piss me *giggles* he is a good brother of mine that i have... loves spending time with me... i need to get him back on the computer and chat with on aim sometimes...

but my day has been relaxing... i slept like the dead... that is how tired i was... well i guess that is all i'll talking about... tomorrow my working day... i do agree with you demon that working at a bar/club would be good... hehehe you know my areas...

night sleeps on the couch...

[quote]Originally posted by Demon's Eclipse
[b][i] To my friends...I give my final goodbye.


In life we reach the point where death takes us home...I may at some point leave this world...but home is where the heart is...

To shy: Thank you dear for always being true to me. I may not die today nor tomorrow, but it's best if I leave now...or it will be harder. You one day will have a bright life, filled with no pain, just remember not to drink it all away. Even though it deadens the pain...it's not the best way.

to Demon_eclips you don't have to thank me for being true to you... good friends always come along... you will always be in my heart... i'll make it heaven for you... i will never forget you... i'll remember the times that i have shared with you on the formus...

i wish i could of talked to you more... try to help you out and even understand you... but know that you are leaving i can't really do that... no matter what always keep a smile for me... you are a great person... i'm glad that i was able to talk to you...

good people come... good people go... i wanted to thank you for always listening to me, caring about me, and even showed me what a great person i was... i hate good byes...

i'm going to show a picture... of this one person demon_eclips... she is very beautiful... be blessed with love and happyness... i love you always... here i would always keep this picture of you... when ever i miss seeing your name... all i have to do is look at this picture of you... then i should be fine...

you would always be with me no matter what... i love you girl... always keep a smile for me...

dammit they wouldn't let me show it oh well